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[WDT] GRAIN FREE DAY 2/21/20 [NSFW]

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by bewildered, Feb 21, 2020.

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  1. bewildered

    bewildered
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    Happy grain free day! No, I don't want to hear about your diet. Celebrate in style:

    [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]

    Wait, a more fun Tequila:
    [​IMG]

    To be honest, the only grain free beings in this house are the dogs. I'm all about bread and baking. I think I made lemon bars 3 times in the last 10 days. I would probably lose half my body weight if I went grain free. Hard pass.

    Today is also National Sticky Bun Day. They are one of those things that takes some effort to make but are so worth it. A good, gooey pecan sticky bun is a great Sunday morning treat after sleeping in after your grain free alcohol night. My mom has a go-to recipe that she prepares the day before so she can just remove from the fridge and bake, because it takes 3+ hrs to make these things properly. They are scrumptious. Here's the internet's recipe for pecan sticky buns:

    Ingredients:
    • 1 teaspoon white sugar
    • 1 (.25 ounce) package active dry yeast
    • 1/2 cup warm water (110 degrees F/45 degrees C)
    • 1/2 cup milk
    • 1/4 cup white sugar
    • 1/4 cup butter
    • 1 teaspoon salt
    • 2 eggs, beaten
    • 4 cups all-purpose flour
    • 3/4 cup butter
    • 3/4 cup brown sugar
    • 1 cup chopped pecans, divided
    • 3/4 cup brown sugar
    • 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
    • 1/4 cup melted butter
    Directions:
    1. In a small bowl, dissolve 1 teaspoon sugar and yeast in warm water. Let stand until creamy, about 10 minutes. Warm the milk in a small saucepan until it bubbles, then remove from heat. Mix in 1/4 cup sugar, 1/4 cup butter and salt; stir until melted. Let cool until lukewarm.
    2. In a large bowl, combine the yeast mixture, milk mixture, eggs and 1 1/2 cup flour; stir well to combine. Stir in the remaining flour, 1/2 cup at a time, beating well after each addition. When the dough has pulled together, turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and knead until smooth and elastic, about 8 minutes.
    3. Lightly oil a large bowl, place the dough in the bowl and turn to coat with oil. Cover with a damp cloth and let rise in a warm place until doubled in volume, about 1 hour.
    4. While dough is rising, melt 3/4 cup butter in a small saucepan over medium heat. Stir in 3/4 cup brown sugar, whisking until smooth. Pour into greased 9x13 inch baking pan. Sprinkle bottom of pan with 1/2 cup pecans; set aside. Melt remaining butter; set aside. Combine remaining 3/4 cup brown sugar, 1/2 cup pecans, and cinnamon; set aside.
    5. Turn dough out onto a lightly floured surface, roll into an 18x14 inch rectangle. Brush with 2 tablespoons melted butter, leaving 1/2 inch border uncovered; sprinkle with brown sugar cinnamon mixture. Starting at long side, tightly roll up, pinching seam to seal. Brush with remaining 2 tablespoons butter. With serrated knife, cut into 15 pieces; place cut side down, in prepared pan. Cover and let rise for 1 hour or until doubled in volume. Meanwhile, preheat oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C).
    6. Bake in preheated oven for 25 to 30 minutes, until golden brown. Let cool in pan for 3 minutes, then invert onto serving platter. Scrape remaining filling from the pan onto the rolls.

    It's Friday! Thankfully. We have some home projects we have been progressing on little by little but the weekend is where the real changes happen.
     
  2. Rush-O-Matic

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    I was hoping for something different under the spoiler tag after the phrase "sticky buns"
     
  3. Nettdata

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    Mr. Toast

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    Not sure about grain free, but I have gone slightly cord-free, as my new cordless circular saw showed up today. Does that count?

    Amazon had a refurbished saw on for crazy cheap... and by refurbished, I mean someone got it, opened it, and returned it... it's never been used, still has full warranty, and I just happened to see it.

    It's like $400 for the bare tool (a DeWalt, 60v 7.5" worm drive circular saw), and I got a single battery, charger, and tool for $180 delivered. Major score!
     
  4. Nettdata

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    Mr. Toast

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    No homo.
     
  5. bewildered

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    So, so many buttholes.
     
  6. Rush-O-Matic

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    I mean, I was thinking more female ass with honey or chocolate syrup on it? But, you know, you do you, bruh.
    [​IMG]
     
  7. bewildered

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    Hmm. So I just read a little about Tila Tequila. I just learned that she identifies as a Nazi and is a flat earther.
     
  8. Nettdata

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    She used to be hot. That is her only redeeming quality. Past tense.
     
  9. bewildered

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    Definitely agree. She's cute but dumb. Now her brain contains dumb and dangerous ideas instead of dumb and harmless.

    Now, she has kids to influence! Oh joy.
     
  10. Juice

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    Out of curiosity I looked up the Nazi thing to see if it was some SJW overreaction, but nope. Turns out she actually loves Nazis.

    [​IMG]

    ...Still would fuck her though. Even if does want to burn my partially Jew-ass in an oven.
     
  11. Nettdata

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    What the fuck is wrong with people?

    I'm working away at home, in the home office, and the door bell rings like it's some 4 year old who found his new best thing to do ever.

    I answer the door, and there are 2 early 30's people there, dressed in matching winter jackets, and toques, with "Blah Blah Door and Window" everywhere, and some weird looking "official" ID on their jackets, and clipboards. I open the door, look at them for about 3 seconds, realize they're cold calling trying to sell me windows and doors, and before they can get into their pat, I say, "sorry, not interested".

    This, for some reasons, pisses them off. Without thinking, dude starts in on his pat, because that's what he does.

    "Good afternoon, sir, how are you?"

    "Sorry, again, I'm not interested." And I start to close the door.

    He then gets pissy with me and starts asking me questions about when I last had my windows and doors done, so i just close the door, and he's getting even more angry.

    Now I'm pissed.

    He yells through the door, condescendingly, "I'll just leave my brochure here".

    "Nah, I'm good, take your fucking brochure with you, don't come back."

    And now I'm pissed, and want to smack the attitude off the guy's face.


    WTF.

    Happy. Fucking. Friday.
     
  12. AFHokie

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    Way to bury the lead
     
  13. bewildered

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    What, want a recipe or something?

    They are super easy to make and taste way better than their effort deserves. I have a never ending supply of duck eggs and am always on the lookout for a simple, egg heavy dessert recipe.
     
  14. AFHokie

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    I live in a brand new neighborhood and we get this damn near daily hawking everything from house cleaning to the guy no shit selling furniture off the back of a truck he had idling at the curb.

    The no solicitatiing sign doesn't deter jack and somewhat disappointingly, the dog's deep bark through the door is not as effective as I'd hoped.

    If home I usually only open the door long enough to say 'not interested' and close it forcibly in their face.

    I'd love to figure out a way to bill disposal fees to them all for the cards and fliers left in my door.
     
  15. AFHokie

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    Please, I've never met a lemon bar that I I didn't want to try
     
  16. bewildered

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    K. This is a recipe I got online with my small preferences or changes on cooking thrown in. Seriously nothing unique, but really goddamn good.

    Preheat oven to 350F. I've been using a 9x12 heavy ceramic dish lined with parchment paper that I think increases my cook time. So if you use a larger or lighter pan your times may be shorter.

    Crust ingredients:
    1 cup salted butter, softened (I either leave it on the counter overnight or nuke it in the microwave for like 20sec. Soft not melted.)
    2c all purpose flour
    1/2c white sugar

    Lemon filling ingredients:
    1.5c white sugar
    1/2c bottled lemon juice (or go crazy and squeeze some lemons). Add an extra T if you like them a little more tart.
    1/4c all purpose flour
    4 large eggs

    Confectioner's sugar, if you're feeling frisky

    Combine crust ingredients. The texture should be like damp sand. I usually use a fork and sometimes rub the mixture between my hands at the end to get it uniform if there's a few larger chunks left that I'm tired of playing with it. Dump this mixture into your pan and press into the bottom. Bake until nice and golden which takes about 30-32min in my situation. When in doubt bake it a couple extra minutes. It makes for a more chewy bar at the end.

    When that's about finished baking, whisk together your filling. I do dry ingredients first, add lemon juice, then add eggs that have been pre-whisked in another bowl.

    When the crust is out of the oven and still hot, pour the filling on the crust and put back in the oven for 20 minutes or so. It should look slightly "underdone" and jiggly. They will firm up as they cool. Don't overbake because they will form a skin on top.

    You can tap a fine mesh strainer with some confectioner's sugar all along the top of the bars. It doesn't really change the flavor at all but it's pretty and makes for slightly less sticky bars.

    Let them cool completely, even refrigerate, before cutting, or you'll have a delicious, sloppy mess. Or just take the whole still warm pan with you and eat it out of the pan with a fork in front of the TV, because you weren't planning on sharing anyway.

    The end.
     
  17. Crown Royal

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    That is just an insane deal. Holy shit.

    We just bought a slightly-used Whirlpool dishwasher for $40 because apparently the new house owner didn’t like the colour of it. Thaaaaaank you for knocking off 95% of the price. And it runs like a Swiss watch, easy install.
     
  18. Revengeofthenerds

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    The amount of fat people in electric scooters on this cruise is pissing me off. Maybe you wouldn’t need a scooter if you took the fucking stairs instead of the elevator!

    The real question is how these people fit in the phone booth sized showers they have. Do they just sit on the toilet and hope the shower head reaches out that far? Pour water on their head with a cup?
     
  19. Crown Royal

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    You weren’t expecting a lot of fat people.... on a cruise? That’s where they originated from.
     
  20. Frebis

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    You mean on the vessel with 24/7 all you can eat food there are lots of fat people? I’m shocked.
     
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