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[WDT] FATHERS' DAY WEEKEND [NSFW]

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by bewildered, Jun 18, 2021.

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  1. dixiebandit69

    dixiebandit69
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    In other news, this one's all for you, 'Nerds.




    Snake meme2.jpg
     
    #81 dixiebandit69, Jun 24, 2021
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2021
  2. downndirty

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    Sure, but it inspired a few follow-on books that were actually good, like the one by Mick Wall on Led Zeppelin. Wall also did the book on Lemmy from Motorhead that was a solid read.

    Fuck Strauss, and to some extent, fuck Motley Crue for being talentless douche bags who just happened to snag a moment...but "the Dirt" made a few other bands/authors realize they could make money by writing down shit they didn't remember since VH1 no longer cared enough to make a show out of it.

    Fun story:
    My mom is terrified of snakes. Like cannot stand the thought of them. I was home last week and cut her grass. They have a pool that's drained, until it rains and fills up. It then hosts all manner of frogs, bugs, etc. and it's adjacent to a garden. With all the health and funeral shit she had going on, the garden and pool haven't been maintained. Me cutting the grass meant I had to move a pile of plant debris out of the way. This presumably disturbed a king snake's hiding spot and it makes a break for another one. I see it sneaking across the yard through freshly cut grass. My mom, niece and yorkie also spot it, and all 7 hells of uproar ensue. My mom would have called in a fucking airstrike on this thing if she could. So, I now have to go and kill it, despite all logical pleas that a kingsnake eats the other shit we need dead: other snakes, rats, etc. and if you'd drain the fucking pool....She was going to kill it with a shovel if I didn't....with 3 compression fractures in her back.

    Fine. Cue Dnd with a .22 semi-automatic rifle going varmint hunting. I didn't know it was a harmless/helpful king snake until I had killed it, so I was cautious about getting too close to it. I admit to getting a bit trigger-happy, and I shot the thing in the center of the belly, unfortunately, before I shot it in the head. The belly opened up and a baby cottonmouth about 5" long crawled out of this dying snake's belly, aided by the king snake's writhing. I was so retarded I thought I had witnessed a premature snake birth before realizing that snakes lay eggs.

    A more dangerous snake crawled out of a harmless one I was killing. It was the most metal thing I have ever seen. Inside another snake isn't exactly a welcome environment, so the baby one stopped moving and presumably died. I used a rock to make sure, and put the rifle away. Once my mom sees me put the rifle away, she assumes it's safe and comes outside. I still have to dispose of the body, so I'm carrying a small garden rake. The yorkie immediately races over to it, my mom starts screaming at the dog. My niece is crying because my mom is so upset, adults are yelling, and she's seeing a gruesome scene. The dog investigates the snake, doesn't eat it, but promptly vomits (maybe from running as fast as she could to it and being over-exerted?). My mom swears she sees the snake move, and starts howling it's not dead (spoiler: it's dead as fuck, damn near shot in half and it's head was evaporated). After some very emphatic points about how creatures without heads aren't alive, I got this circus back in the house, buried the two snakes, and let an exasperated sigh out. I check the spot the next day, and of course it was dug up, presumably by a fox, dog, or coyote.

    I'm in VA, and Mom called me yesterday said she still hasn't slept all night, and refuses to let the dog out without a leash. She asked if she should carry her pistol to the car in case she sees the snake I shot at least 3 times come back for vengeance. I told her I couldn't consume enough hallucinogens to make "Nana: Zombie Snake Slayer" sensible, and to not carry guns around a yorkie that won't listen and a 9 year old.

    I relayed some of this to my dad, and his response was basically like...."anyone married this long deserves a straight jacket with a medal pinned to it."
     
  3. Juice

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    Lol, all you need is a big stupid hat and some steampunk goggles and chicks will be hopping on your dick! So stupid.

    If you want to read one of the biggest cringe-inducing books of all time, read Neil Strauss’s Emergency!. He basically tries to become a hardened survivalist and ends up a bigger pussy than when he started.
     
  4. AFHokie

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    Anyone else enjoy some beef fizz?

    FB_IMG_1624547081678.jpg
     
  5. Nettdata

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    Hilarious John McAfee interview.

     
  6. Rush-O-Matic

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    the fuck?

    I once tried to convince a girl at a bar she'd enjoy my beef fizz, iykwim. But, that's disgusting.
     
  7. bewildered

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    There's not even any alcohol to encourage that mess.
     
  8. Nettdata

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    the fuck? is right... that seems like some vegan nightmare fodder or something...
     
  9. Revengeofthenerds

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    toss some whiskey in there and I bet it's not bad
     
  10. Juice

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    The only way I can think of this being a thing is if some farm advocacy group or whatever paid it’s way into a cookbook. It’s just too odd otherwise.
     
  11. Binary

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  12. bewildered

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    upload_2021-6-24_10-36-36.png
     
  13. downndirty

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    This has to be some home remedy or something?
     
  14. GTE

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    That's what I was thinking. Or, a way for poor folk to get nutrients after breaking down the carcass.
     
  15. Volo

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    I’d wager it’s a prank designed to see how many boring (and gullible) people have based their personalities on the latest trends.

    Waste of good beef stock too. That shit takes time to make.
     
  16. Nettdata

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    What... just unwrap the tinfoil cube already.
     
  17. Rush-O-Matic

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    No, no, there was plenty of alcohol encouragement.

    Ohhhh, you mean in the drink.
     
  18. Juice

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    Anyone else think Britney Spears’ conservatorship doesn’t go far enough? I want her locked down forever.
     
  19. Crown Royal

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    I think her dad should put a hitman in her pussy that puts two in the dome of any gestating offspring. Now back to your diet of chicken and cigarettes, slave4me. Just keep printing money.
     
  20. Revengeofthenerds

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