At an after party for some work function, a bunch of us ended up at a bar with beer pong. One of my coworkers and I were playing against two random girls at the bar. Twice the girls had a chance to blow the ball out of the cup while it was spinning around, but couldn't pull off the maneuver, so I taunted them a bit about how much they suck at blow jobs (if you're unfamiliar, that's what the move is called, not just a crude pun I made up on the spot). The next day one of the girls I worked with who was watching the game came to my office to bitch about how I can't tell girls they're bad at giving head. I could only remember about 10% of the evening at the time, and since she wasn't using the right phrase, and it didn't sound like anything I would have said, I had no idea what the hell she was complaining about.
Scott, of my coworkers at my last job and one of my good friends, is black and extremely laid back. We had a pretty ethnically diverse team (in software development? go figure) but we always enjoyed painting him as the token, a role he joyfully embraced. The only other black person on our team of 20 is a large, bible-thumping legitimate moron nearing 60. During a staff meeting, we were discussing an ongoing but minor issue, when somebody came up with the solution. Scott says "I said that exact thing like a week ago." I said, "Well Scott, you know why nobody paid attention to your idea," to which he knowingly nodded, hung his head and said, "Black." The 3 or 4 of us laughing were no match for the looks of sheer horror on the faces of my boss and the fundamentalist simpleton. I also once told a coworker who, when I closed my office door for some quiet passed by and pounded on the door just to irk me, that I would "Punch him in his fucking face so goddamn hard he wouldn't be able to see my fucking door to hit it again". My boss came by around an hour later and, without punishing me, informed me that my language was probably not appropriate for a member of the team that others looked up to. That was it. I was pretty much untouchable at that job, a status I do kind of miss.
I work at a pet store. People constantly want to buy specific geckos without owning a heat lamp or throw multiple fish in a tank that's too small for them... or try and return a tarantula because they didn't think it needed water. Luckily my managers are ok with me telling people off that refuse to listen when I tell them we can't sell them an animal they're going to kill and then try and return it 5 days later.
I don't know where to begin, really. Take a couple days off while I try and decipher the idiocy that is your post. (Don't want your insightful meanderings to get ahead of me and make me miss stuff) You hater you.
I was chewed out by a self righteous hippy mom at a restaurant I worked at when I asked a spanish coworker for something and said, "thanks Amigo" (amigo being his nickname). She seriously went on a tirade about how it was culturally insensitive to refer to him using spanish terms. We both stood there stunned and he told her, "It's my nickname, it means friend in Spanish." She paid, told our manager we were racist, and stormed out. Literally could have been a scene from a comedy. God I fucking hated the hippies on Ludlow.