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Wanna grab a beer?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by MainEvent007, Mar 28, 2011.

  1. MainEvent007

    MainEvent007
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    I am currently a senior and graduating from the University of Wisconsin in May. One of the biggest topics of conversation my fellow-future-alums and I have had regarding next year (right behind how drinking the way and amount that we do is not socially acceptable so we're all fucked in the real world) is about meeting people. TiB seems to have a pretty wide range of life experience, education levels, hometowns, current cities, etc. While in college, you're practically forced to meet people. If you can't make friends in college, not to mention get laid often, you're doing something horribly, horribly wrong. The real world doesn't look like it's quite as forgiving. So I come to you for advice, Idiots...

    Focus: Give a soon-to-be grad some advice regarding how to make friends in the real world.
     
  2. DrFrylock

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    We haven't done a how-to/life-advice thread in a while, so let's try this. I think MainEvent007 is astute to realize that making friends past college is a little different than making them in college. I don't think it's a huge chasm, but there is a difference.

    Sadly I'm not qualified to comment, as I am That Guy at SEC football games and thus have no friends.
     
  3. Poopourri

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    You really know how to take the fun out of stereotyping strangers on the internet.
     
  4. Juice

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    Focus: You didn't come right out and say it, but did you not make many friends in school? I only ask because most of my friends post-college are the ones I met in school. They don't live around the corner anymore, but we make an effort to all get together when we can.

    But as for out of school, you could make friends at your job (when you get one) depending on the environment, but proceed with caution. You want to be very careful regarding workplace politics going this route. Assuming its not a problem, ask some of your more trusted coworkers to go for happy hour on a Friday or something.

    Another way is immerse yourself in environments where there will be people with similar interests as you. Like working out and exercising? Join a gym. Like guns? Get a range membership. This way you'll meet people that you already have something in common with. Hell, if you like camraderie, join the Masons or Rotary Club or other social group just for the interaction.
     
  5. Binary

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    To add to the "interests" suggestion, virtually any hobby has social groups surrounding it. Whatever your hobby is, call a local store that specializes in it (not big box stores, if you can help it - e.g. if you like photography, call Joe's Camera Repair not Ritz Camera), and ask about social groups. Bike shops organize training or social rides. Climbing shops know when climbers meet. Photo stores run seminars or know the local clubs. If you masturbate a lot, the local sex shop knows which alley the circle-jerkers meet in.

    Any social event will help - volunteering is a great way to have an excuse to go interact with people. But finding groups with similar interests gives you a jumping off point to talk about so it's a little easier.
     
  6. Nettdata

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    To expand on what Binary said: <a class="postlink" href="http://www.meetup.com/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.meetup.com/</a>
     
  7. mya

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    Just post on internet message boards. Some may say it is pathetic to form relationships with faceless strangers, some may say that is a social life.

    But seriously, I'll echo the common interest thing. Volunteer organizations are a great way to meet people. There are several groups locally that put on social events/parties to fundraise. They are always looking for people to help. Get involved!
     
  8. Binary

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    Oh, and I just want to mention (I know I have mentioned this before), if you're looking for a place to volunteer, Habitat for Humanity is a great organization. You get outside, play with power tools, swing heavy hammers, build things, learn a lot and meet lots of people.

    Not only is it good for the community, and you get to meet people, but if you pay attention you'll learn a lot about DIY projects in the home.
     
  9. lust4life

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    I'll second volunteering. It's not only a great way to make friends, but it's also great for career networking. Another idea is to check out your local college alumni chapter. Mine does a lot of social events like "watching parties" or a group trip to a Texas Rangers game, etc., but we also have service weekends where we volunteer as a group for Habitat for Humanity, painting and light repair at nursing homes, or working at a homeless shelter.

    Most Barnes & Nobles and public libraries are the settings for numerous book clubs with a wide variety of interests if you enjoying reading and discourse.

    Eventually, most people get married, settle down, have kids, etc. and then you get exposed to others your same age via the kids' activities, school, the neighborhood. Most of these are just acquaintances, but a few friendships can arise. And the wife has her circle of friends & their husbands, but this one cuts both ways. One of her friends is going to be married to "that guy."

    And of course, there's the bars.
     
  10. Frank

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    I'm going to echo what people say about common interests, but if you don't have any specific interests that lend themselves to social interaction you can always join a social sports club. The one in Boston my friends were in (that I regrettably did not join) is basically a bunch of 23-30 year olds drinking and playing dodgeball, soccer, kickball and the like. Not super competitive, everyone was there for the experience more than the game. A lot of solid friendships were started there.

    I can see meeting girls there, but has any dude ever met a solid guy friend in a bar? Maybe I just didn't go frequently enough, but I've never made a real friend at the bar, nor have I been introduced to someone outside of the bar as "Oh, this is Bill, I met him at the bar."
     
  11. Sherwood

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    This is the best way to do it, it's how we met all of our friends where we live. Soon-to-be-Mrs.-Sherwood started playing Dodgeball and met all of the people we're now friends with. I then started to play Kickball with a few of them and met even more friends.

    Then after the game, you go to a bar, and play pong or flip cup against other teams, it's a great way to meet people and, for those single people, an even better way to hook up.
     
  12. Kubla Kahn

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    Yeah, find a sports club. I played one season of softball in shanghai and have countless people I can hang out with. Though the dynamics are a lot different here and all of the expats whether in business, teaching, etc all act like it's college all over again. This shit over here is addictive, it catches everybody.

    Im going to second this bar friend thing. I've met many good people while drinking, too bad I don't fucking remember them the next time I see them. I guess I make a lot of black out friends from the number of people that have came up to me claiming to have shot the shit with me on previous occasions.
     
  13. Jimmy James

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    For instant friendship, buy a round at the bar you frequent.
     
  14. katokoch

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    MainEvent007 and I are in the same boat... I'm graduating from the U this summer and things are obviously changing. What I'd like to know is how a living situation might factor into this, as I've got to make a choice between continuing on with roommates or having a place of my own. I made a ton of friends in my first couple of years here, but as I focused a lot more on work/better grades/my workshop (as anyone who's seen the guns & ammo thread, it's my second home), I realized much of them were superficial and only worthwhile when I wanted to party as opposed to the handful of high school buddies I'm still tight with. This basically means I spend a ton more time working and much less socializing, and while it is totally worthwhile for me to dedicate a lot of time to what I'm working on, I know it will be very easy for me to just focus on that and be a hermit and I don't want that to happen. I know there's people I could live with next year and it would probably work out fine (and I'm also good at getting along with most people), but at the same time I wouldn't have a problem with a one bedroom place and it would allow me to be much more productive in my shop.

    In the end, would living with other people (who I'm not best friends with) make more of a difference to my social life or is that a matter of picking up my phone myself and making a few calls? Is it more beneficial to be super social when coming right out of college or super focused on my venture?
     
  15. Kubla Kahn

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    In my situation my friends graduated a year or two before me and in my last year of school I lived alone in a place within walking distance to class. They all moved to the yuppier hipper spots in town. While one or two of my friends still enjoyed the college bar atmosphere is was basically up to me to do the leg work of going to their part of town for the night/weekend more times than not. I wasn't a hermit but it did curb my spending quite a bit.

    As for your situation are you getting a job in the real world or making a go at your gun smithing byness (said in old timey accent)? Obviously it is all up to what your life goals are right now. I can tell you as most of my friends graduated and started working, not only does the social drinking drop off a fair bit, but a lot of them became more concerned with achieving bigger goals than getting hammered day in and day out. Im just saying don't be surprised if some of them start putting their goals before hanging out with you.
     
  16. Frank

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    Additionally, on top of roommate vs. living alone, there's the matter of location. If you have the choice of living with a bunch of guys that do Halo LAN parties all weekend in the boonies, you could probably get a much better social experience living in a one bedroom in a downtown area in walking distance to a popular bar or something.

    Also, knowing your roommates is key, if you live in a huge house with a bunch of partiers you can expect to have people coming over all the time. If they're dorks you will probably have to go out of your way just as much as if you lived alone.

    Ultimately, like Kubla said, it will have to come down to your goals and your discipline, if you are about to make a breakthrough in your work, will you be able to ignore the keg party at your place?

    Another question, is your workshop at a set location, or would you just setting one up wherever you move to?
     
  17. Guy Fawkes

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    Is this shit real? How do you make friends?

    I suggest wearing one of those "Hello my name is..." stickers for the first couple months after graduation. It's a sure fire way to let people know you're all sorts of awesome! Perhaps also make some "fun" t-shirts with a picture of you and your cat (in costume of course) to hand out to new would-be friends. Lastly I'd make cupcakes and sit on a random corner handing them out to people on their way to work. I'm sure they'll be thankful for a sugary snack!
     
  18. xrayvision

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    A friend that bleeds is better.
     
  19. TX.

    TX.
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    Most apartment complexes have resident activities once or twice a month. My place is mostly comprised of young professionals so there's usually a happy hour at a bar or restaurant down the street. Also, there's the pool. When my best friend and I spent every weekend at her pool we made some new friends.
     
  20. katokoch

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    I've started it already with the putting goals before others part... like exactly what I did. So at that point, would living alone or with people make a difference? If I moved into another house with a basement suitable, I'll get it started up again if I can (and this can be difficult with roommates). Otherwise, there's some light industrial rent around here that's damned affordable and while it would make sense to invest in some suitable capital to outfit a full shop at that point, I don't think it'll happen until I'm done paying for my diploma. The bidness will not be my main source of income in the near future (like 5 year plan). Not saying it doesn't mean it will make a huge impact, but not as much as a stable full time job. I've kept it low-risk so far and I will keep it low-risk in the future.

    I'm used to the boards under the living room floor shaking and dust falling on me and my work bench right after the music upstairs gets loud during parties. Then drunk people will end up coming down looking for a place to smoke weed or hook up and they inevitably wonder what I'm doing, especially if I'm wearing a respirator. It's usually pretty entertaining. Most of the time, however, I'll be partying too and in that case anything of value is behind locked doors. I don't have any problems with roommates because they respect my stuff and usually don't touch it, but I also have to be considerate of them and keep things quiet because nobody wants to hear hammers and loud saws at any time of the day. This means it just isn't feasible for me to have stuff like a drill press or bandsaw at this house.

    Elsewhere is a different story, which is why my choice in living situation makes a big difference. There's the possibility I could have roommates that are cool with bigger, louder, smellier machines in the future, but I don't want to bank on it too much. Right now if I need to use stuff like that, I spend time in friends' workshops... and while they don't mind, I can't do it forever. Right now I could pack up and take everything to a different place tomorrow and leave the (shitty) old workbench, if that makes a difference.

    It's also kind of funny, because while everyone says to join a club or organization, the other people that build and shoot the target rifles I do are usually at least twice my age. It's an interesting group to interact with.