Wait, what was that word? Yeah, I can't take you seriously

Unsavory

I had a pseudo-intellectual TA for a Native American Literature class in undergrad. You know the type: cheap sport coat, crappy glasses, and used big words incorrectly. However, one thing he did pissed me off more than the rest: his abundant usage of the word "unsavory". My god, I've never been so annoyed. It got to the point that the girl next to me and I would keep a tally of how many times he said it. I don't know what it is, but the minute someone says that word now I write them off as a giant twat.

 

Stuff like this with random vulgarities thrown in for no real reason annoys me. There are a lot of offenders in this community.

Words like copious and whilst. There are several (case in point) words that mean the same thing and make you look a lot less pretentious when you use them. The list is a lot longer than these two, but unless I see/hear them they slip my mind. Again, a lot (case in point, again) of offenders in this community. How many people actually use these words in real life?

I've read only one Tucker Max story because I disliked his style due to his use of 'fancy' words like these.

 

Oh here's one: diabeetus. If you are a medical professional, you simply aren't allowed to say "diabeetus" and expect to be taken seriously.

And yet, far too many of them do.

 

Words are for losers.

 

I cringe every time I hear one of these words, largely because they were WAY overused by the professors and students alike at my super liberal college:

heteronormative (This is the worst. If I never hear this word again, I'll die happy.)
reclaim (As in, any minorities "reclaiming" something that was used to previously oppress them.)
unpack (As in, "Let's unpack what we just read here. What do you think this scene is really about?")
postmodern
society
patriarchy/patriarchal
vegan

 

There's some words I've grown to despise after some time in a business school... none more than synergy. Fuck you if you say it.

 

The word "Craft"

I by that, I mean people who call their job a "craft", especially actors. No, douchefountain. What you do is not a "craft". What witches do in fantasy stories is a "craft". Those wallets brain damaged patients make is a "craft". You making us believe something that isn't so is NOT a craft, it means that you are a two-faced liar. And if you're going to give out awards for that, why snub the masters:

Spoiler

 

Basically anything from 7 Habits and The Secret.

 

I'm setting that as my ringtone.

 

I specifically hate Harvard Business School cases. There is so much wasted ink in them.

 

God damn vulgarity's the fucking shit. It's like a social solvent that rinses away whiny people.

I liberally dose my casual conversation with profanities, blasphemies and holocaust jokes because anyone who is offended by anything is tiresome in the short term and troublesome in the long term. Nothing's sacred cocksuckers, actions matter, words don't.

That said, anyone who says "comfy" considers ice-cream to be the fifth stage of grief and owns a tracksuit without owning a gym membership.

The word "slut", when used by men, is the most counterproductive word in the English language. She's a slut, huh? When was the last time you got laid? So maybe female promiscuity in general isn't the kind of thing we want to stigmatize, eh? Good talk, buddy.

 

An alt focus: my boss wrote me a note. This is how it read:

PIMPTRESS, Member to send in the order an kick ass in sales tomorrow!!! Smiles


Really?

I am not a sixteen year old girl. "Member?" Is it to difficult to type REmember?

and don't tell me to smile, I'll be picking up your slack, like usual. I'll smile when I want!

 

Supper

I know this might seem like a comment from a bitter person, but I cannot stand the sound of that word; it is outmoded, expired, archaic.
There are three official meals of the day: Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner (Fuck brunch. Fuck it in its gay ass.).
The three official meals DO NOT read like this: Breakfast, Dinner, Supper. That is how my dad and his brothers (and many other people over the age of 65) refer to them.
Hopefully this habit dies out over the next couple of generations.

 

I had a lecturer at university who continuously used the word 'Ahnvaihomant'.

Why the fuck it's so hard to say 'Environment' or why he would use 'Ahnvaihomant' as a synonym for culture, system or condition, often all three in the same fucking babbling sentence, is beyond me. But it put my teeth on edge every time. I nearly failed that incredibly easy unit because I was so pissed off every time he spoke.

 

I hate that fucking work. The people who eat supper are the same people that sit on a davenports.

 

With a flamethrower, I can set you aflame or inflame your body. Makes sense to me.


The warning "not-flammable" is worthless. "Go ahead. Just TRY to light this object on fire!"

On a crate:

WARNING: NOT EXPLOSIVE.

On a water bottle:

NOT POISONOUS.

 

But... but... my lupper!

In the same vein, the use of the word "tea" to signify the last major meal of the day (ie, instead of dinner). Tea is a drink involving shredded, dried leaves in hot water (and subsequently cooled and introduced to a buttload of sugar for those in the US). It is not a meal.

It's only by my good social graces than I refrain from the following retort:

Numbnuts: What are you having for tea?
Me: Tea. If you're having tea, then you're having tea. Fucking tea. Nothing else. It's a beverage, not a meal.

I am aware of what a Devonshire Tea consists of. Tea is still involved.

 

Ginormous. I get it. It's big. But it's either gigantic or enormous. You don't get to have both. I'm not sure why this marriage became a part of the English language since both gigantic and enormous are perfectly appropriate terms to indicate a large size. People who use this word automatically turn me off because it indicates that they are slaves/sponges to pop culture. It's not cute--it's just silly.

Playdate. It's playing. So you might have to drive to get there and actually make a plan with the other parent. Big fucking deal. Your kid isn't dating the other kid. Oh the pressure of a second play date or a blind play date! Stop labeling everything and take the damn pressure off the kids to live up to some sort of standard. My inner child weeps a little each time I hear this term. The pretentiousness is just unreal.