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Uncomfortable Plot Summaries

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by LadyLecter, Feb 27, 2012.

  1. LadyLecter

    LadyLecter
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    This seems like something this board would be really good at.

    <a class="postlink" href="http://www.postmodernbarney.com/2009/04/uncomfortable-plot-summaries/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.postmodernbarney.com/2009/04 ... summaries/</a>

    Some of their examples:

    TITANIC: Crazy old widow disregards lifelong memories of husband, children, and grandchildren in favor of that one time she fucked a bum.

    LOLITA: Man encourages step-daughter to take chances.

    FERRIS BUELLER’S DAY OFF: Amoral narcissist makes world dance for his amusement.

    DEBBIE DOES DALLAS: Cheerleaders develop valuable entrepreneurial skills.


    Focus: Come up with your own. Books, movies, TV shows all fair game.
     
  2. Frebis

    Frebis
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    I did not write this, but I remember it being one of the funniest things I read on the RMMB

    Forrest Gump- Retard's girlfriend dies of AIDS
     
  3. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    Dora The Explorer
    Large-headed girl from Mexico screams at you in English while fucking up a simple journey with twisted mind games. She also fucks monkeys, that sick bitch.

    Armageddon
    Suckers fill theatre, get 150 minutes of their life stolen while Aerosmith plays non-stop

    Gravity's Rainbow
    It's a terrifying tale of gravity and a rainbow. No, it isn't. You don't know what it's about. This is that book you never read that you carried around campus with you to make you look smart in front of chicks. Nice try, cool dude.
     
  4. Mantis Toboggan M.D.

    Mantis Toboggan M.D.
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    Empire Strikes Back
    Guy makes out with his sister, gets mutilated by his father

    Edit - There's a very similar one on the site, didn't read it before posting
     
  5. ghettoastronaut

    ghettoastronaut
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    The Stranger: white man's mother dies; bangs floozie, kills brown man, shows no remorse.
     
  6. dewercs

    dewercs
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    Sling Blade retard adjusting to life out of an institution befriends young boy, enjoys potatoes, murders asshole
     
  7. CharlesJohnson

    CharlesJohnson
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    Home Alone: Selfish parents leave nubile, blonde child with access to a razor at the hands of 2 homeless men.

    Apocalypse Now: Savvy army colonel almost wins Vietnam War.

    Roadhouse: Old, unfeeling psychopath with a mullet roundhouse kicks his way into doctor's vagina.

    King Kong: Hairy ape teaches blond woman to love.

    Tropic of Cancer: Lazy-eyed genius loves hairy French vagina. (aka: DixieBandit's Grandfather abroad)

    House of Leaves: Asswipe finds awesome maze in his closet. Not one fucking leaf.

    Carrie: Weird girl who bleeds all over the girl's shower gets what she deserves, doesn't plug it up.

    Choke: Guy with sex addiction chokes himself for benefit of strangers.

    All The President's Men: Long haired hippies with an agenda aggravate White House.

    Silence of The Lambs: Genius psychologist harassed by lesbian.
     
  8. Aetius

    Aetius
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    Glory: Poorly trained and poorly equipped African American soldiers are used as cannon fodder

    Saving Private Ryan: War Department sacrifices multiple American soldiers for propaganda purposes

    Back to the Future Part III
    : Time traveler discovers that his great grandmother on his father's side is virtually identical to his mother, more incest afoot than just his own oedipal misadventures.

    Black Hawk Down: US Rangers kill over 1,000 Somalis in the span of 24 hours during a humanitarian mission

    American Psycho:
    Wall Street executive ruins fewer lives than if he'd spent his time actually doing his job

    American History X: White supremacist is proven right
     
  9. numeric

    numeric
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    Revenge of the Sith - Unplanned pregnancy leads to domestic abuse, fascism.

    Return of the Jedi - Government contractors slaughtered by left-wing militants.
    Thank you Kevin Smith.
     
  10. lostalldoubt86

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    Stones From the River: Nazi midget loses virginity

    As I Lay Dying: Family parades dead mother around town on a wagon

    Christmas Vacation: White trash cousin saves Christmas.
     
  11. DannyMac

    DannyMac
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    Lost: We hope you love character development as much as you hate answers.
     
  12. dubyu tee eff

    dubyu tee eff
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    Thinks he has a chance with Christina Hendricks...

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    Memento: .rellirht lacigolohcysp lacipyt ylriaf A
     
  13. Aetius

    Aetius
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    The Prestige: Batman and Wolverine engage in a battle of magic to the death.
     
  14. MoreCowbell

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    The Help: White woman solves racism, feels good about self; untrustworthy blackies lose jobs. Other woman engages in coprophagia.
     
  15. BeCoolBitch_BeCool

    BeCoolBitch_BeCool
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    Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Unemployed actor murders African-Americans, urinates on a woman's corpse, and insults homosexual. Saves the day.

    No Country For Old Men/ The Good the Bad and the Ugly: Quiet man murders Mexicans for money.
     
  16. DannyMac

    DannyMac
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    A Song of Ice and Fire (pick a book): Narcissists ignore signs of larger troubles to further their own agendas. Also that character you really like gets maimed or killed.

    Oh and one from the article that made me fall out of my chair:

     
  17. Frank

    Frank
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    Ninja Turtles: Mutant Turtles terrorize martial arts school for troubled youth.

    Matrix: World is turn to shit, machines create virtual reality paradise for humans, assholes fuck with it.

    Spiderman/Hulk: Accidental exposure to highly unstable, supposedly deadly chemicals goes surprisingly well.

    Selfish man child almost destroys best friend's marriage to fuck midget stripper, all is forgiven with bouncy house rental.
     
  18. dixiebandit69

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    Gerry (2002) -

    GUS VAN SANT WASTES AN HOUR AND A HALF OF YOUR LIFE. HE JUST ROBS YOU OF TIME YOU CAN NEVER GET BACK.

    FUCK YOU, VAN SANT.


    Seriously, there are not words in any language to describe my hatred of that movie. It's just Casey Affleck and Matt Damon walking through the desert. I'm not joking.
    The money that was wasted making that piece of syphilitic-donkey shit could have fed starving children, or bought textbooks for school kids, or saved orphaned animals, or contributed to paying off the national debt, anything!
     
  19. Pow

    Pow
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    Pulp fiction: Drugs, bribery, murder, rape, overdose, robbery. Black man becomes bum.

    The Black Swan: Depressed ballerina has hot girl-on-girl moment, dies.
     
  20. rei

    rei
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    Taken: Girl learns that daddy knows best.
    Casablanca: Bar owner acts like he can get away with anything, does.
    Scott Pilgrim vs the World: Ephebophile serial killer gains self-respect before killing again.
    Neon Genesis Evangelion: Seeking therapy can, at times, be necessary, and is important.
    The End of Evangelion: Boy finds self worth inside his mom. Casually disregards apocalypse.
    The Empire Strikes Back: Private contractor proves to be more effective than government law enforcement.