Read my mind. I was so so excited and then so so disappointed. I have never wanted a woman on TV to be a double arm amputee more in my entire life.
I would love to know how she got away with not having nakedness be a requisite in her contract. Seems like I've seen the ass/tits of everyone else in the show except her. DEBORAH ANN WOLL STOP BEING A STINGY BITCH! I mean, show us your boobs.
And it would be frustrating enough if she was just in a bra, but the whole dress? Son of a... That being said, I hate to admit it, but aside from tying nicely with her box of "monster stuff" that Taylor Swift song fit perfectly and, dare I say, was kind of badass at that point. My favorite part of the episode was Lafayette's line after the crazy Creole woman thanked him. I can't recall verbatim, but he ended it with bitch, which was amazing. A close second was Terry's completely believable and perfect "Holy Fuck" when the ghost explosion was occurring. Also, I'm really getting sick of Andy's whole storyline with the V.
I think we should find and kill her husband so there aren't any qualms there. He's holding her back I believe.
Spoiler Tommy dies and Jessica gets out of a van wearing latex, holding an RPG? All in the same episode? Fuck. Yes.
"Can't you see him in my eyes?" Gayest. Line. Ever. And this from the Spoiler dude who played Sgt. "Iceman" Colbert. Absolute faggotry. Then there were a bunch of storylines no one gives a shit about, with some cool stuff mixed in. Did they bring in the writers from fucking Entourage for this one? I'm half expecting the next episode to have E taking a shit in the woods that exorcises the witch, while Adrian whatshiswhogivesafuck guest stars as a hitchhiking V addict.
Watching that episode was like being given a handy by a gay downy. It was unsatisfying for me and confusing for the downy. What was the motivation for Tommy to go there and mouth off? Just wanted to die? That seems a bit far fetched. If the leader of the wolf pack is so bout it for his ex, why would he start shit with Alciede a superior wolf by making advances to his woman? Why is the vampire who is over Bill so one dimensional? I mean I know I'm asking a lot in the way of character development from a fantasy show but fuuuuuuu. And now Jesus has a demon under his control? Where the fuck did that come from?
I think its more Jesus' background and ancestry along with his capabilities showing, kind of a glimpse inside.
I don't think I've yelled at my TV screen so much in one episode as I did tonight: Spoiler When Marnie saw that she was going to die When Eric and Bill were going to kill each other When Jason was hurt. I was screaming my lungs out. I don't think I've cursed that much during one episode either.
No shit. That episode was all over the place. The ending/cliffhanger? What the fuck. Bill and Erik willing to die for nothing? The glamour thing is getting old too: 'let's run any script we want and then erase people's memories so we can keep on rolling' With an ability like that, how have they not taken over the world? Just line people up and glamour the shit out of them. Ugh. Fuck this show. I'm at the point where I'm just watching to see what happens because "I've come this far." And I'm gay for Erik.
This show gives me television blue balls or something, or like being with a hot girl then it's all over way to fast, and you're left feeling awkward and kind of sad. Pam with an RPG launcher and that's what we get? This show is all over the place, and they keep coping out with the violence. It's short, crappy, and too spread out. Between the glamour the the blood too, any suspense is stripped away. Spoiler Seeing Sookie shot? Seeing Jason burned? No sense of worry what-so-ever. Something bad might happen? "Oh, we'll have Sookie use some CGI light to make it all better!" And what the hell is the point of brining Fairies in at the beginning of the season, then again once now? This show has gotten bad, almost Entourage bad. I just want to see Erik use more hearts as a juice box.
DISCLAIMER: Epic tl;dr rant I think you hit the nail on the head here, Uno. There's no sense of risk or danger on this show; you pretty much know that no matter what, the character that the writers want us to root for, no matter how annoying or awful they are, is going to be okay. It kills any tension because you wise up to the fact that the writers don't have the balls to kill any characters off. When Jessica was lured into the sunlight by Antonia's spell, I knew that she'd be okay because the show has never had the guts to kill off a character that the writers wanted us to root for, no matter how annoying or shitty they are. Look no further than Sookie and Tara. Another thing that annoys me is the protagonist-centered morality. This has been a problem in past seasons, but I hate the way it tries to present the vampires in the story as the "good guys" when even the best of them has proved to be a killer by nature. The heavy-handed way the show uses vamps as an allegory to gay rights is fucking stupid - they're inhuman monsters who feed on people as prey (Tru Blood is considered a poor substitute), so the comparison is beyond retarded. Jessica, who is presented as one of the most "good" characters, has killed a trucker and used mind control on several people when it suited her. Why does this show want me to like these people so badly? It should just embrace the fact that vampires are pretty much gigantic assholes instead of trying to convince me why they're actually just misunderstood. It would be a lot cooler if vampires operated in secret, like in the setting Vampire: The Masquerade. There were hints of it shown so far when Bill explained that vampires would manipulate institutions like the Catholic Church to better manipulate mortals (which is fucking cool) but so far we've gotten only faggy romances instead of cool plots based on scheming and manipulation between millenia-old ancients using their youngers as pawns. There's all these little hints at a vampire society/secret government, yet no development of this concept. We've heard about The Authority a million times, yet we still have no idea who the fuck they are. I'll go one step further and say that the premise of the book and the show of vampires "coming out of the coffin" was stupid as well. I was able to ignore it at the beginning, but it's pretty retarded when you consider that vampires could simply take control of blood banks/hospitals and meet their needs that way. I know that the show was based on a series of cheesy, dime-store novels, but it's still dumb. Maintaining secrecy is simpler and it makes it easier to control mortals from the shadows. And if someone finds out? Big deal, just glamour them. I also think it's hilarious that vampires have their own laws and government, yet the US government hasn't done a damn thing to try and shut down an entity like that. Also, why do the vampires all seem to congregate towards Bumfuck, Louisiana? Why would rich-ass dudes like Bill and Erik live in a shithole like Bon Temps? If this show wants to become more interesting, Sookie needs to die. There is nothing fucking interesting about her; she's a Mary Sue character who is absolutely perfect in every way, has no discernible flaws, magical powers that save the day at just the right time, multiple guys pining for her... and it annoys the fucking shit out of me. I had hoped that she'd be slowly phased out of the show as time went on, but that hasn't happened. For someone who rushes blindly into situations that are extremely dangerous, she sure has a long life expectancy - the amount of plot armor she wears could withstand a fucking nuke. She's basically a grownup version of Bella Swan. Fuck, this whole show was pretty much Twilight for grownups but it had some tongue-in-cheek humor and a B-movie feel to it that kept it endearing. That's gone now. The whole Erik-Sookie affair was cringeworthy. They've taken a badass character with a lot of potential and completely neutered him. I stopped watching Season 3 a few episodes in because he started caring for Sookie for no apparent reason. He's a 1,000 year old predator with a jaded outlook on life who views those around him as objects to advance his own ends; then he starts falling in love with some bimbo waitress who is boring as shit because her blood is tasty? Give me a fucking break. The part where Bill and Erik were willing to die to free Sookie was terrible. Pam said exactly what I was thinking the whole time. Mostly I'm disappointed because I'm imagining how cool a Vampire: The Masquerade HBO series would be 10x better than True Blood on its best day if done right. tl;dr: This show needs to kill off a few characters to make things more exciting and stop using so many cliffhangers that have no payoff. Sookie is the worst part of the show, she's a cancer and a Mary Sue character that is completely uninteresting. If she were killed off, things would improve greatly because we wouldn't see Erik and Bill and Alcide and fucking everybody running after her all the time and maybe something interesting would finally happen.
I don't understand the point of your KIMaster-style rant. Yeah, Sookie sucks. But True Blood is based on The Sookie Stackhouse Novels, featuring Spoiler Sookie Stackhouse. Killing her off makes absolutely no fucking sense given that the series is quite literally based on her trials and tribulations with the supernatural in Bon Temps. Maybe I'm biased because I've read little bits of the novels, but book-Sookie isn't nearly as sucky or one-dimensional as TV-Sookie. If she's coming off as boring, that's Alan Ball's fault entirely. However, I'd argue that she is most emphatically NOT "...a Mary Sue character who is absolutely perfect in every way, has no discernible flaws..." because Ball demonstrates repeatedly that she's a horribly shitty human being (on the TV series). Her best friend is raped, kidnapped, and stalked...and all she can do is hug Tara for a few seconds before returning to griping about her own problems. She's beyond sanctimonious about being "honest" to Jason, but she's incapable of realizing that her ability to selectively eavesdrop while simultaneously keeping her own thoughts private has, essentially, screwed up her entire perception of interpersonal honesty and therefore she has no fucking business lecturing anyone about honesty. She's a terrible employee, she's a wishy-washy girlfriend, and her sex dreams consist of two vampires arguing over who loves her more. She's plainly a dipshit heroine with a princess complex and enough of a moral veneer to make her relatable to viewers. But that's the point of the TV series- it isn't about her being awesome. While I'd love to see Sookie be a strong female lead and kick ass Buffy-style, this is about a complicated supernatural love polygon. I understand your frustration with the writers, because it DOES seem as though they're sometimes reluctant to pull a Game of Thrones and murder the TB equivalent of Ned Stark. But this ain't GoT. Charlaine Harris rarely kills off her main characters because she prefers to have them stick around in case she needs them again for nekkid times with Sookie. Alan Ball has already prolonged the life of some characters (Lafayette should've been dead for two seasons now) due to their overwhelming popularity, so who is to say that certain characters won't get snuffed soon? I don't know why you'd want to see Jessica auf'd, though- she's a decent character with a heavenly rack. I'm sure another series would be more badass, less Sookie-centric, have more gore, etc. etc. Whatever. But this is True Blood and it is what it is. The entire basis of the show is Sookie Stackhouse and Her Fairy Blood. She's supposed to act like a supernatural magnet and everyone is supposed to run around after her. If you're watching the show, it's been assumed that you accept this as fact and proceed accordingly. If you want to see something different, you're out of luck. Short version: Sookie is here to stay. Get over it.
Erik gets credit for the third best kill on TV this year (behind Khal Drogo's two on Game of Thrones). As a bonus, he did it to the most annoying fuck on the show this season. Golf clap Erik. Does this mean he's straight again? Bill is a fucking gangsta. Strapped on a gat and laid a bitch out flat. He has turned around so much this season. Too much magic mumb-jumbo bullshit now. The bar has flatlined and the patient has died at the table, like the MaryAnn plot. Marnie is a weak villain, but then again it's hard to find a primevil that is as awesome and powerful as Russell Edgington (who I am convinced will return). Sam & Alcide= New Tag Team Heavyweight Champions. They can walk to the ring sporting matching plaid shirts and "M"-cuts and call themselves "The Dirty Dogs". Sam is my favourite character on this show, the dude is just awesome when he sees red. I have enjoyed how Alan Ball has listened to 100% of the show's fans and cut back on Tara this year. She's even less annoying than usual (and her girlfriend was meow-meow-meow). This Jessica/Jason thing is dumb, or requires more graphic nudity. Jason is now invincible because the hottest check on earth can sense his fear. Good, why doesn't he sick her on that pack of hillbilly freaks?
I dunno, I'm digging the magic. I would watch a show just about Jesus and Lafayette fucking shit up. But I really hope it doesn't go in the mushy, 'If you loved me, you'd stop being possessed' direction. I'm really upset about the rift between Antonia and Marnie. Marnie as Antonia was badass as hell, and then she decides randomly that she doesn't actually like killing vampires after all? Ridiculous. I think the trouble with True Blood villains is they just don't commit to being awful. Even Maryann was just 'trying to be loved.' The writers' attempts to humanize their villains really just makes them weak and annoying. This is, of course, excluding Russell Edgington, who was just a complete gangster. Was anyone else excited to see Bill and Eric both ignoring Sookie in the end? Lady, get your shit together and fuck the tall blond who just ripped a dude's heart out of his chest, and stop whining about how you love them both.
Two good scenes: Sam being a badass, and Eric using a heart as a juice box. Other than that, this series is really starting to drag. The joke I made last week about bringing in the Entourage writers? Not kidding anymore.
*Universal 'you' implied here* To double onto what PinkCup said, you're watching the wrong show. Don't go to Taco Bell looking for a Big Mac. That's what you're doing. And if you're looking for "The Masquerade" you're definitely in the wrong fucking place. This is not Game of Thrones. Also, not to insult any of the original female readers (before it was to be an HBO show) these books are chick romance novels focused soley on Sookie Stackhouse and all the vampires falling all over her. Its like bitching about Transformers not having proper plot development (What? Source whose material is about robots that fall from the sky, turn into cars and who's sole purpose becomes to protect humans from other robots who just want to kill humans for no benefit instead of just leaving them alone and going back to another planet? WTF?) Bitching about a show not being another show is pretty fucking retarded, which is essentially what happens a lot, especially with this one. See extension of rant. Spoiler Sorry about The Masquerade not being a TV show, it probably wouldn't have that much of a following because most of the audience are die-hard nerds and Live Action Roll Players who probably couldn't afford HBO anyway. True Blood done just like the books wouldn't be able to survive, so it had to also change and focus on more characters. But seriously, if we have another goddamn vampire show about them being hidden and secretive I'm going to shoot myself. Now I don't give two shits either way about the allergory with gays, I don't even think about it. Considering Vampires were once human, might have different needs urges but still keep their personalities, True Blood's approach is the most realistic compared to anything else. To think that ALL of them would want to be secretive and be part of the secret vampire life would also be stupid. True Blood, if anything, has given more dimension to the vampire concept while still keeping the basics intact. Also the general suspension of disbelief for some things and not others has to be tempered. Vampires can fly and live for 2000 years, but one girl can't shoot light out her hands and another dude can't have a demon in him? C'mon man..." If you don't like the show, don't watch it, and don't waste your time ranting about it.