Adult Content Warning

This community may contain adult content that is not suitable for minors. By closing this dialog box or continuing to navigate this site, you certify that you are 18 years of age and consent to view adult content.

To Hug or Not To Hug...

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Dcc001, Jun 9, 2012.

  1. Dcc001

    Dcc001
    Expand Collapse
    New Bitch On Top

    Reputation:
    434
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,736
    Location:
    Sarnia, Ontario
    ...that is the question.

    Is it appropriate to hug as a greeting? Or does that invade your personal space? There's also different types of hugs: the dude-brah hug, the girly-ass-out-hug, the bear hug, etc. Mix-matching the wrong kind of hug with the scenario can be equally bad, right?

    This bleeds into cuddling, too. Are you a cuddler, or do you like your space?

    Personally, I don't mind hugging for greeting. If you're going to hug, though, make it a good one. None of this ass-out, touching only the backs of the shoulders nonsense. An actual hug.

    Cuddling, I'm mostly no thanks on. I've been with one or two guys where I didn't mind, but for the most part, let's just keep our space, mmkay?

    Your thoughts...
     
  2. R_Flagg

    R_Flagg
    Expand Collapse
    Experienced Idiot

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Jan 16, 2012
    Messages:
    132
    Location:
    Somewhere along I-77.
    I don't hug as a greeting with the exception of close female friends, and romantic/sexual partners; and the same extends to leaving. I view hugging as an intimate thing; I'm not going to hug some dude I chill with at the bar every other weekend; or somebody I do business with; that's fist-bump or handshake territory. When I allow somebody into my personal space like that, there's some emotions attached to that. Fist-bumps or handshakes allow me to keep a certain amount of distance while still physically acknowledging one's coming or going; but a hug is full on body contact.

    As for cuddling, there's got to be the same emotional ties there is to hugging, and it's situational dependent. If it's a quick hookup with a random, I probably won't cuddle afterwards if the sex was bad; but I will if the sex was good. I will always cuddle with a woman I'm dating or involved with long-term; whether or not sex is involved. Not for any emotional reason, I just happen to enjoy it.
     
  3. Binary

    Binary
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    337
    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2009
    Messages:
    3,846
    Fist bumping is retarded. Full stop. If I ever have the occasion to meet some of you TiBers and TiBettes, and I lean in for a fist bump, please give me a quick backhand to shake me out of my stupor.

    I hug most of my female friends, and some of my long-time male friends. To me, hugging one of my male friends is a differentiator between someone I would hang out with, and someone who means something in my life.

    Not exactly on focus, but in the same general area of greetings: what's up with the limp-wristed handshake that so many girls (and some guys) seem to offer? This isn't the 1600s, and I'm not kissing your ring, so why are you placing the tips of your fingers into my hand? It just seems so awkward. I mean, I don't need to get in a grip-strength competition, but at least keep your wrist straight and grasp my hand with some firmness.
     
  4. Omegaham

    Omegaham
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    3
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    879
    Location:
    Oregon
    As I said in the drunk thread, hugging is usually an intimate thing. I don't hug my friends, but I do like to cuddle with women.

    My brother and his friends hug pretty much every chance they get. Guy walks in? Hug. Guy walks out? Hug. When there's lots of people, they line up to hug. I'm not from a demonstrative family; I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I've hugged my dad. The entire thing strikes me as weird.

    I don't have a problem with the act itself, but the protocol / etiquette about the entire thing weirds me out.
     
  5. MoreCowbell

    MoreCowbell
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    14
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    4,185
    With the exception of very few people (people I'm related to or have been intimate with, mostly), I let them make the call. Because it doesn't bother me, but I feel really uncomfortable making that sort of imposition on the other person.

    Now what i do find super weird is when you're with 2 people, one of whom is a childhood best friend or something similar, and the other you met thirty minutes ago. Because something about "YOU get a hug, but YOU get a forced smile and a polite wave" is really awkward.

    I believe you mean "terrorist fist jab."

    Also....

    [​IMG]
     
  6. AlmostGaunt

    AlmostGaunt
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    1,040
    God damn its refreshing to talk in English. Excuse the lack of punctuation, this keyboard isnt set up for it.

    Anyway, its standard to hug, with a kiss on the cheek, hello and goodbye among my group of friends. When meeting new women I never initiate it, but then, I have issues. Hugging is important to me, as a sign that the other person feels comfortable with me. The ┬┤no body contact┬┤ hug is almost insulting to me for that reason. Its an illusion of acceptance that actually conveys something totally different. Not so long ago I was hugged by someone who partly as a function of her height and maybe partly something else actually pressed her whole body, legs included, against me when she hugged me goodbye, and it was almost shockingly... intimate doesnt have the right connotations exactly, but its not too far off. I still remember that vividly. (As a pointless aside, to me the ultimate sign of trust and acceptance is sitting on my lap. Its not particularly difficult to imagine why this is so, but I have a couple of close, extremely platonic female friends that do it and it makes me feel like a very cuddly god.)

    I dont hug men, by and large, unless they are very, very good friends, and we havent seen each other or wont see each other for months, or large amounts of X are involved. Its not prejudice, exactly, as Im happy to hug men, but in Perth WA hugging a man in public is treated as if youd like to hug his penis with your throat. Perth isnt quite on speaking terms with the 21st century yet.

    Cuddling is important to me, but not after sex. Immediately post sex I become very restless, and have no desire to cuddle. Unless its going to lead to more sex. Every other time though, if it wont make whoever else is around uncomfortable, I thoroughly enjoy it, and do it unconsciously. This blows when you are still friends with a couple of exes and go to touch them before you realize what you~re doing.

    One of the fascinating things about being in Brazil is that there are much more touchy feely culture than Im used to. Women will brush your arm when talking to you, and walk down the street holding hands. The guys, although they dont hug other guys, frequently slap hands or grip shoulders. Its actually really nice to watch.
     
  7. crazy asian

    crazy asian
    Expand Collapse
    Experienced Idiot

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    151
    Location:
    ny
    I'm a huge hugger/cuddler with my friends. I will hug strangers I'm meeting in a social setting, and I'm just full of physical affection.

    Professional hugging, however...is super awkward. I deal with a lot of parents and teachers and school administrators, and at the end of this school semester, a lot of them came to hug me...which sometimes is a little weird. Mostly because I'm usually sweaty from teaching martial arts, but also because I don't really know any of them personally.

    Some of my students are really young and sometimes try to hug me. I know the entire adult-kid touching thing is a huge issue, so I try to make super obvious that I'm not initiating this or being inappropriate, and do the 'pat on the back while you hug me' thing, but sometimes a little kid crying just needs a real hug. Everyone knows I'm professional so I've never had a problem, also I think being a woman helps. I can't imagine how much weirder this would be if I were a man.

    sidenote:
    Because I think like a 7 year old, I've evolved the fist bump into a joke that is hysterical usually only to me.

    Anytime anyone tries to fist bump me, I high five their fist, essentially creating a hand turkey, and yelling out "TURKEY!"

    Another version is to make your hand into a horizontal peace sign and let their fist land on top of yours, making a hand-snail, then yell out "SNAIL!"

    I'm...cool
     
  8. audreymonroe

    audreymonroe
    Expand Collapse
    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

    Reputation:
    539
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2009
    Messages:
    2,858
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    I like hugs. I will hug as a greeting and as a goodbye with friends. I won't hug someone I just met, but if we spent a good amount of time hanging out with each other, they will join the hug club when we say goodbye.

    I really like cuddling but it takes a while before I feel comfortable with it, and I'm not a cuddler with friends. My group of friends in Boston are incredibly touchy-feely and get into these puppy piles all the time, and I tend to be the one standing a few feet away rocking on my heels waiting for it to be over. It takes me a while to want to cuddle with a guy I've just started to date. Before that, it just makes me extremely uncomfortable. The biggest exception is that I will sleep in your nook. Beleedat. But once that line has been crossed there will be cuddling often, because I do love it. I have the girly tendency to miss cuddling more than I miss sex at times.
     
  9. Gator

    Gator
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    1,062
    The intimacy of a hug is directly proportional to the distance maintained between the genitals.

    Shoulders touching = friendly

    Hips touching = VERY friendly

    The worst is to misinterpret the other parties desired involvement. You lean in for a peck on the cheek and you catch a glance of their WTF face. Or to feel your own eyes roll as the other person leans in when you're really not feeling it.
     
  10. lust4life

    lust4life
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    2,562
    Location:
    Deepinthehearta, TX
    I married into an Italian family. Any ill notions of hugging were disposed of the first time I met her family. My family, not so much. You're lucky if you get eye contact when you speak with some of them.

    I'm into cuddling with my wife. She has "her spot" when we're lying in bed watching TV, though I would prefer it if it were about 20" or so lower.

    Fist bumping is acceptable during cold and flu season.

    The ones that I really don't like are the "close talkers" like that Seinfeld episode with Judge Reinhold. A former classmate of mine was one, and she would literally back you against the wall. Creepy.
     
  11. Juice

    Juice
    Expand Collapse
    Moderately Gender Fluid

    Reputation:
    1,321
    Joined:
    Oct 19, 2009
    Messages:
    12,862
    Location:
    Boston
    I dont care about hugging but Ill do it if someone goes in for it, however I wont initiate. Cuddling never crosses my mind until its asked of me. I just dont think about it, and after sex? I dont think theres a time Id like to be cuddled less. Post-coitus, I dont want to be touched whatsoever. A mans refractory period is a very special time.
     
  12. bewildered

    bewildered
    Expand Collapse
    Deeply satisfied pooper

    Reputation:
    1,089
    Joined:
    Oct 26, 2009
    Messages:
    10,470
    Growing up, my family was not touchy feely. I don't really remember being hugged as a child. However, I think all of my sisters have raised their kids with lots of hugs and kisses, so there are always hugs as a greeting when they come to visit. I hug close family members goodbye when I won't see them again for awhile.

    I realize that I need to work on my greeting of new acquaintances. I definitely do not hug, but a lot of times a handshake seems too formal for the social setting that we are in. I tend give a reflexive wave that ends at my elbow with a smile and a hi, nice to meet you.

    I wave to people standing 3 feet away from me. Yikes.
     
  13. The Village Idiot

    The Village Idiot
    Expand Collapse
    Porn Worthy, Bitches

    Reputation:
    274
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2009
    Messages:
    3,267
    Location:
    Where angels never dare
    I don't hug, and I don't like to be hugged.

    I hug my dog. Sometimes, I'll hug my wife. That's about the extent of hugging that I'll participate in.
     
  14. FreeCorps

    FreeCorps
    Expand Collapse
    #1 Internet Boo

    Reputation:
    1
    Joined:
    Apr 22, 2010
    Messages:
    1,785
    Location:
    Boca Raton, FL
    Good friends I haven't seen in a while? You get the handshake/bro hug combo. Guys at the gym/bar/soccer get the fist bump/head nod combo. Girls usually get a kiss on the cheek in greeting (I think that's a latin thing) and if I'm friends with them the kiss/hug deal. I have no problems with hugging or cuddling. Although there are some ladies who tend to shift around constantly after they've cuddled up, and that can be distracting.
     
  15. Gravy

    Gravy
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    256
    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2012
    Messages:
    1,715
    Location:
    The void.
    In high school, a friend of mine had her lung punctured by a semi-creepy dude who thought crushing girls in bear hugs was the proper way to win their affection.

    I'm strangely comfortable with hugs in most instances. They might get a pass on my fairly strict "don't fucking touch me" rule, because they are more mutual, but I will hug people I'm fairly close with. At least at greetings and goodbyes I will. If you're in mourning or something I will stand there and let you awkwardly hang-on to me, but I will be wishing that it pass as soon as possible.
     
  16. ssycko

    ssycko
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2009
    Messages:
    1,550
    Location:
    Being not a hipster
    I do the reverse, anytime anyone tries to give me a lame high five I pretend to go for it and then make a fist, which always makes them sad.

    If I haven't seen one of my guy friends in over a week there's usually some form of tackling taking place. We all (5 or so of us) once basically beat the shit out of each other (out of love) at a Greyhound station in Rochester while an entire bus full of people looked on. I don't know why everyone here is afeared of dudes touching.
     
  17. audreymonroe

    audreymonroe
    Expand Collapse
    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

    Reputation:
    539
    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2009
    Messages:
    2,858
    Location:
    Brooklyn, NY
    I didn't see this when I first posted, but this bothers me so much. I have an awesome, authoritative handshake, and it always freaks people out because they're so unused to it these days. Then I feel like the weird one for not having this limp handshake because I'm supposed to be a lady and here I am seemingly crushing this person's hand. I do get a lot of respect from businessmen though.
     
  18. Danger Boy

    Danger Boy
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    133
    Joined:
    Oct 20, 2009
    Messages:
    1,928
    Location:
    In a flyover state hoping your plane crashes
    When in doubt, give 'em one of these:

     
    #18 Danger Boy, Jun 9, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  19. Pow

    Pow
    Expand Collapse
    Experienced Idiot

    Reputation:
    0
    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2009
    Messages:
    177
    Pro-tip: High fives and hugs are interchangeable. Just try it next time.
     
  20. shimmered

    shimmered
    Expand Collapse
    Emotionally Jaded

    Reputation:
    351
    Joined:
    May 12, 2010
    Messages:
    4,469
    Do not hug me.

    If I like you I will initiate the hug otherwise do not touch me.