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TiB's Public Bathroom Rituals

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by rei, Nov 4, 2010.

  1. rei

    rei
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    If there isn't a divider between the urinals and there's someone there, I can't use them, even if they're six urinals down. I don't want to get close enough to the urinal to get splashback, and I don't want to stand out and have a guy seeing my junk.

    I also follow proper urinal ettiquette. If there are five urinals and three are taken, the urinal row is full.
     
  2. Frebis

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    I love using public toilets. It gives me a chance to play Angry Birds while at work.

    I'm really not scared of getting diseases. Usually I spit on the public toilet seat, then rub it all over it. I let my germs fight it's germs. Normally mine win out! There is nothing more hilarious than taking a particularly loud shit, and hearing others in the bathroom gag, or giggle. I would love to know what the girl's restroom is like, since the men's is so much fun!
     
  3. Frank

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    I wipe the seat if I need to shit, but other than that everything is open game if I know I won't be home soon, I'm a man of little pride.

    Senior year of college the bathroom in our hall had two urinals, they were so close together that you were pretty much touching the guy pissing next to you. As a joke my friends and I would sometimes put our arms over each others shoulder when other people were there.

    I use to take about five 20-30 minutes shits every day at my last job. I didn't have anything to do in there unfortunately, but just not being at my desk was therapeutic.
     
  4. Nick

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    Something like this must make for a long day at the park.

    [​IMG]
     
  5. hamshackler

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    Personally, I love using public bathrooms. I used to be nervous about the person next to me hearing me shit, and then I realized that if the guy next to me gives a shit about how my excrement sounds coming out, he's the weirdo. The only real downside is the quality of the toilet paper, but since I'm a poor grad student, anything that saves me from using my own is tolerated.

    As far as urinals go, I used to hate pissing in the ones without dividers, but I've since gotten over it, using the same logic as above. If the dude next to me is looking at my dick, he's the weirdo.

    One strange thing I've noticed recently is that I have a shy bladder when I'm drunk. I tried using a trough in a football stadium when i was shitfaced, and I just couldn't go. It's pretty embarrassing just standing there with your dick out as people come up next to you, go, and leave, and you have yet to force out a drop. The solution is simple though, and now I just use a stall when I'm drunk.
     
  6. Bourbondownthehouse

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    I have a shy bladder. Unless totally wasted, I avoid urinals at all costs. This makes for awkward moments at bar bathrooms where there are 4 urinals 1 stall, and a huge line. Sometimes I get to the front of the line and people look at me expectantly. Then I have to say "go ahead I prefer the stall," sounding like a total pussy.

    EDIT: To address the long shit issue: In high school my friends and I used to go in groups to bathroom and take shits (group poops) while there we would discuss current events and chew tobacco. A very nice mid morning break really. Long shits are great for getting away from people.
     
  7. Frebis

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    It takes me one minute, tops to poo most of the time. I sit there for the next few to finish playing a game or reading something. Have you ever heard of a curtesy flush? The poo is no longer directly below you. And the reason I dont go other places to do this? They dont pay me to fuck around with my phone at work.
     
  8. Maltob14

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    Marathon shits are where its at. Until your legs fall asleep. And then you try to get off the toilet and your legs flail around as if you forgot to put your braces on. And then the cleanup... Oh man...

    In public bathrooms its simple for me: Keep a buffer urinal in between you and anyone else. As for #2, it isn't gonna happen. I can shit in the woods and I can shit at home, but my ass locks up like Ft. Knox the second I step out of the house. Even though the shitting at work makes sense, I mean you're on the clock, why not get paid to drop a deuce?
     
  9. Rush-O-Matic

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    +1

    There was a guy on my dorm hall Freshman year who took looooong dumps. Every now and then, we'd go in there and squirt a water gun at him over the stall. One day, me and a buddy walk in with water guns, and just as we're getting ready to fire, we hear this >fthhthwap!< as he opened an umbrella he took in with him. Hilarious.
     
  10. Prefontaine

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    As a man, it is your duty to completely humiliate the urinal. First, spit it in, then, piss all over it. Always go green by not flushing, but if you must, do it manly fashion by using your foot. Bonus points if you "superman" the urinal as well by resting your hands on your hips while you piss while wearing sunglasses.
     
  11. Frank

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    Work a job where you are literally chained to a desk for 8 hours a day and are paid to get yelled at by people who just lost their job/lost there retirement account/found out their pension is half what they thought it was and you will do ANYTHING to not be there. Keep in mind if we were caught wandering the halls aimlessly there would be hell to pay. A bathroom stall was the only safe place.
     
  12. Samr

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    Best prank is to wet paper towels in the sink, and then lob them over the stall wall. Those things are like water bombs; it's amazing the amount of water that can be held in one. They drench whatever they come into contact with, and you can throw a barrage of a dozen or so in quick succession. Bonus points if it lands in your friend's pants, because then it's all over.

    Also, many public restrooms still have light switches. Most are near the door. Turn it off on the way out.
     
  13. Sherwood

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    Urinals: After peeing you MUST spit on your pee before flushing. There doesn't need to be a reason, it just has to be done.

    By no means are you allowed to defecate in a public restroom unless it is: your office or an emergency. I have encountered 2 such emergencies in the last 10 years.

    When defecating in your office which has one Urinal and 2 stalls you are to follow the following rules:

    If someone is at the urinal when you walk in, head to a stall and pretend you're going to pee. Wait until they leave to defecate.

    If someone is in the other stall when you walk in, you have two choices. You can pee in the urinal and hold in the poop, or you can just walk right the fuck out.

    If the bathroom is empty, you may shit. Head into the far stall, as long as the water is clear and the bowl is clean, you're good to go. Take a piece of TP roughly twice length of the seat, fold it over, place on the left side of the seat. Repear for right side. Sit down, pull out phone. Poop. You are now king of the castle.

    If someone comes in, they will no doubt be using the urinal since only a barbarian would come poop next to you. Hold all sounds, gas or waste inside you until this person has left. Resume shitting, take back your kingdom.

    There is of course, one issue with this. The rogue pooper. You will no doubt have one or two rogue poopers:
    1) Someone who continues to poop when you're in there trying to pee. He's gross, but he's not ruining your day.
    2) Someone who sits next to you while you're pooping. Ideally, at this point you are to quit and run away. However, this is sometimes not possible. When not possible, simply wait, hope it doesn't smell, and try not to cry too loudly.

    This is how you are to behave in regards to public defecation. However, you should make sure to do it at work all the time as toilet paper is expensive and you're expected to buy it even if you only poop in your own home on the weekends and your girlfriend is using TP like she owns stock in Charmin.
     
  14. Diablo

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    Try this on for size:

    During Marine Officer Candidate School, we had almost no time whatsoever to hit the head (bathroom) and were forced to resort to drastic measures when time was of the essence. There were times after we ate a meal where there were three of us taking a piss into the same toilet at the same time and two into the same urinal. Also, stalls had no doors, so when we had to take a sht, everyone could see. One a side note, during the night time, when we were supposed to be sleeping, one could hear numerous people taking their sht's as it was mostly quiet during the wee hours of the morning and it was the only time we could get away from it all. 3 months of doing this pretty much desensitized me to public bathrooms and I can go wherever I need.
     
  15. BrotherNumberOne

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    When I'm done and I wash my hands, my skin doesn't touch anything from that point on. I touch everything with a paper towel in my hand until I am well outside the bathroom. I'd make a great operating room employee.
     
  16. bucketheader

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    What's wrong with you people? Poop is not to be ashamed of. Poop freely my brothers and enjoy the ensuing comfort. If you really can't poop with the sound of other people lurking around, put on some headphones or something.
     
  17. Esian

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    I'll leave a buffer urinal if possible, but if not I don't make any big issue out of it. More than one of the bars I used to frequent in my earlier drinking days featured trough urinals. These are shitty when there are other people around, but great for playing games with the stream and the urinal cake if no one is.

    I will not shit in public, and I will not shit at home if anyone is home and I can avoid it. I spent 18 days in county lock up, in a pod. These means there were 23 other guys in the room at nearly all times, and the toilet was simply set in the corner. A couple of the inmates had made a shanty style blanket fort that gave minimal protection from the rest of the room, but it was very lacking.

    I did not shit for 18 days.
     
  18. Jauntoclock

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    It's way too true.
     
    #18 Jauntoclock, Nov 4, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  19. audreymonroe

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    Wow, I never knew how much spitting went on in men's bathrooms. I am never going in one again, no matter how long the line for the girls' bathroom is.

    Basically the only lesson I was ever taught in high school that I actually use in real life was when my germaphobe-of-a-Greek-mythology teacher took time out of class to go on a rant about how disgusting public bathrooms are. I'm not a total germaphobe, but I have taken all of his advice to heart ever since. Thanks to him, I always go in the stall closest to the door (because people never want that one since everyone's going to walk past it or something, so there should be less germs in there) and I touch everything (the flusher, the stall lock, the faucet handles, the paper towel dispenser, the door handle) with my wrists instead of my hands. That last thing probably doesn't make a whole lot of difference, but it makes me feel better.

    He was also the one to teach me to sneeze into the crook of my elbow instead of my hands or just out in the open, and now whenever I see someone doing anything different I get disgusted with them. I don't know why this in particular bothers me so much. I could watch someone pick their nose and rub it on the pole in the subway and not be as grossed out as if I were to see them sneeze into their hand and grab the same pole. Blech.
     
  20. rei

    rei
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    Must be an American thing, I'd never seen it or heard of it prior to this thread.
    Same with trough urinals actually
    We were instructed to do this during training at the grocery chain I work at (and wash our hands afterwards anyway of course) - you get suspended from work if you are seen sneezing into your hands