You all know the drill. Halloween is just over a month away and its time to start thinking about what you are going to dress as to go get shit faced drunk and check out all the girls dressed up as a Slutty Whatever. FOCUS: Halloween Costumes. What did you dress as last year? What will you be this year? Any awesome ideas to share? Last year (and the year before, actually) I was Party Time Jesus, seen here dancing with The Most Interesting Man:
OK, it is the month of October, which contains the one Western holiday where girls of all ages can dress completely inappropriately in public and get away with it. Back in school, I was in classes where there were like 1-2 girls because it was for engineering sorts of things. Neither one of them really caught my eye. However, one of them walked into class wearing a full-on Lara Croft outfit and my head actually turned, completely involuntarily, to follow her across the room until I realized what happened and snapped out of it. This was just yet-another reconfirmation that Halloween is the greatest holiday.
I wish I could dress as The Stig. Man, that would be awesome. Although I've had the idea of showing up to school in the manner of Jim from the Office: with three holes punched in the side of my shirt to be a piece of paper. I should really do it, it's my last year of school.
Graphic t-shirt, light blue button up shirt, sports coat, jeans, sneakers, a short, messy hair cut, and a cane. Basically, I add a cane to my normal wardrobe and I look a lot like House. It's the most fun costume I've done, because you get complete liberty to say and do whatever you want.
Me last year: Spoiler Hot Cops! God damnit I was skinny. It's okay, everyone loves short shorts. This year: Hot Nazis!
I've gotten in really good shape this year so I'm probably going to be a complete toolbag and wear something man-slutty. Whatever, i'm going to Vegas, it's the norm there. So far I'm thinking Indian but knowing me I'll just end up wearing Green Man and doing everything in my power to make girls feel awkward. Whoever is actually able to land a decent looking girl wearing Green Man is a better man then I.
Four of my cousins and I are all getting together from across the country and having a rendezvous at one of their houses in Ft. Collins. It's been a few years since we all got together so it should be pretty wild. One is going as Ron Jeremy or some other porn star one night and has convinced me to be a porn director. I found a vivid entertainment shirt and a clapboard online for cheap. I need another costume idea for another night but have yet to think of anything original.
Don't even bother, because this is the winner. The only parts of the costume I wasn't 100% satisfied with was the length of the hair becase I got my hair cut a little over a week before, and the fact that I wore it and got annihilated the night before at a staff party, so it's wrinkly as shit the day it really counts. Dwight Schrute - 1. You - 0.
You guys think you take the costumes seriously? Man you should see Belfast on Halloween. I've seen some AMAZING costumes, but by far the best was a group of 5 or six lads who all dressed up as the Jamaican Bob-sleigh team from the film Cool Runnings. Now not only were they all dressed up in fantastic costumes, these lads built their own mother fucking full sized Bob-Sleigh on FUCKING WHEELS. And we're not talking some wooden bullshit either. This thing was metal all welded together and everything. They they proceeded to Bob-Sleigh all around Belfast stopping outside bars, getting out and then getting drinks at the bar. Was the coolest fucking thing I've ever saw.
I went as Seth from SuperBad last year. I even made a Tucker Max death mix drink (subbed everclear with 100 proof vodka) and filled two large laundry detergent bottles. I couldnt find the exact shirt he wore at a decent price so I just went with another similar pearl snap style shirt. It really threw the look off and if it weren't for the red blood stain I painted on my pants and the bottles people wouldnt have known who the fuck I was supposed to be. edit: This was two years ago. It is totally skipping my mind what I went as last year.
Do you know how you know that you had the worst parents in the history of fucking parenting? They never allowed you to dress up on Halloween,,,,, even though it's your fucking birthday. Fucking.Assholes. And they wonder why I don't return their goddamn calls. I'm getting so fucking pissed thinking about this right now, I'm contemplating a mid-morning, mid-week, drunk. Then catching a flight and beating the fuck outta both of their shitty parenting asses. Breath Two-Seventeen. Calm down. Breath. Count to 100. Think about kitty cats, and puppy dogs, and snuggly bunnies. Breeeeeeeathhhh....... Carry on.
Last year I went at two girls 1 cup. I was pretty lazy, I just taped two pictures of girls to my shirt, and put a cup on it. Only about 1 out of 4 people got it. But when they figured it out, it was awesome. This year I am going as a failed abortion. I'm strapping a shopvac hose to my head, wearing a bloody baby bib, and tying a close hanger to my fake umbillical chord. The only reason I'm doing the above is no one will do my two favorite ideas with me. Either the cast of Roots, or a Human Centipede. I was even willing to be the middle link if a hot enough girl was the front.
Last year I went with the ever-so-popular costume of Zach Galifianakis' character from the hangover. It actually turned out to be a hit, and all the other people I saw that night dressed as Alan Garner had inferior costumes for one reason or another. http://good-times.webshots.com/photo/2405129450084150189ojxnyY Of course I had trouble getting that damn baby to stay upright (hence the duct tape). Anyway, this year I'm thinking about corn-rowing my hair and going as Kenny Powers in Mexico or maybe just a wigger. Or maybe I'll be lazy and do the same costume again. Who knows.
One year a friend of mine went holding a cane, wearing sunglasses and a shirt that said "I'm From Venice" on it. His girlfriend didn't have the glasses and cane, but a shirt that said "Me too." He was a Venetian Blind and she was a Venetian Blonde. I think it worked better in person, because she was smoking hot. I found one for T_M_R.
Last year my friends and I went as the cast of Reno 911. I was Lt. Dangle. We were at an outdoor party and let me just tell you that particular outfit gets real cold real quick late October in Michigan. This year I kind of want to go as the "Opulence, I has it" guy. Spoiler
Having a 5 month old girl is going to make Halloween very fun this year. Not sure what the wife and I will be yet, but we've got our babsy outfit ready to go. She's going to be in this crazy round penguin suit complete with stupid hat with nose and eyes on it and socks that look like penguin feet. Let the crazy fun embarrassing begin.
My wife and our daughter are going as lady bugs and wanted me to go as a bug catcher. Lame. I'm going as David Carradine with a noose around my neck and balls (balls will be a prosthetic for obvious reasons, I'm not a pedophile). This costume may be too graphic and I might get arrested, but the greatest suffer for their art. Say no to censorship.
On a similar note, I've thought about trying to find a super childish looking batman costume and tying a noose around my neck like in South Park.
Two years ago I went as Shrek, and my wife was Donkey. My costume was entirely homemade except for the ears. This year I am going to be Johnny Lawrence from Cobra Kai.
If I can scrape together some scratch: + = drunken scuba diver. Doubt the bar would let me walk in with a 1/6 barrel strapped to my back though. Last year I made an excellent Cousin Eddie. Wander around in a drunken stupor, smoking stogies, swearing at children, wearing nothing but a bathrobe? I'd do that every day if I could.