My college major is "media arts and studies," which is about as much bullshit as you'd expect. One of the more annoying aspects is my peers, a grotesque assemblage of film/tv/music snobs who collectively have some the worst facial hair of any single demographic on the planet. They all think they are the next Steven Spielberg but most have never touched a camera in their life. And inevitably, in every single class, the age old question "what is art?" pops up. A crossfire of incoherent ramblings vomits out of every wanna-be directors mouth, and I find my brain cells slowly start to off themselves one by one. Every class except one. Enter my favorite professor of all time. Somehow "what is art" rears its ugly head. Cascade of retardation floods the room. Everyone is belting out their own definitive definition. "Art is anything created by a human being," a particularly stupid person says. Just as I'm about to remark on the beauty of the shit I took this morning, Professor Awesome decides to make a point. When he was in Columbia film school they were required to enter this huge art competition for class. They would have to defend their art in a paper i.e "why is this art." Professor Awesome was a bit tired of this charade so he decided a performance was in order. To get into the festival he had to audition. At the audition there were three judges. Professor walks onto the stage with nothing except for an empty gallon jug. Without saying a word he puts the jug on the ground, turns around, pulls down his pants, and starts blasting a fountain of runny diarrhea* out his ass into the jug. At this point one of the judges vomits. The other judge didn't run out of the room and vomit until after Professor calmly buttoned up his pants, turned back around, and started chugging the diarrhea from the jug. The third judge sits quietly for awhile, appearing to be in deep thought. After a few moments he says "You're in." Clearly I have a lot to learn from this man. *Obviously he didn't chug his own diarrhea. There was a colostomy bag strapped to his side filled with chocolate milk and some assorted garnishes, i.e chunks of peanuts and corn. He snaked a tube around under his taint to get it to spray out realistically. Focus Share stories about cool teachers. Share stories about shitty teachers. But make them funny, no one gives a shit if Mr.David assigned so much homework in 8th grade that you only had time to masturbate once after school. It doesn't have to be a college professor, either. I know we've all had a few interesting/memorable/eccentric teachers over the years, so have at it.