Over the weekend 50,000 college students returned to class in my city, stinking up the bar district with non-stop fights, maggot-drunk behaviour and phoney machismo committed in Affliction t-shirts. I hate this time of year. I'm too old and too married to give a shit about slutty college girls that can be plied with one Long Island ice tea (that would be ALL of them) and the skinny jeans-sporting fucktards that love them. Lightweight show-offs who can't handle their booze are the top of my list for bar patrons and always have been. Believe me when I say this: they get worse every year here. St. Patricks's day this year in this city is as hard as evidence gets. Bar owners are so sick of them in this city they starting banning students and turning their minimum ages to 21 (only barbarians would raise the drinking age that high), which of course gets everyone up in arms. I say, good for them. Despite the fact I love going out and drinking with my friends and have worked in "The Industry" for a decade, there is such of arsenal of dickweeds out there guaranteed to ruin your nightthe bad now outweighs the good. And nowadays, they multiply like unattended pet rabbits. Focus: What "types" do you hate and try to avoid at all costs while out on the town? What's your method of dealing with these assholes?
Oh man. What a great talking point to inspire rage among the people on this board. I can't wait for this. Me personally, I basically get annoyed by two main categories. First is the meathead, Affliction T-shirt wearing bro. Now it has nothing to do with their preference in T-shirt or their interest in MMA, but everything to do with their predilection for fighting for no reason. Its not as bad post-college, but in college I was always wary of people who would fight at the drop of a hat. I had 2 friends get absolutely blasted for being in the vicinity of these dudes brawling after a televised UFC fight and I've had nothing but disdain from them ever since then. The next type probably varies from region to region. Its the "grown-up" greeks. The girls who were gorgeous sorority skanks in college who date and marry lame ass dudes who are balding in their mid 20s cause they knew they were in a "good" frat back at school. And this isn't NYC where those dudes are killing it on Wall Street. Sure there are a few traders and I-bankers scattered, but most are accountants or work at mid range consulting companies. At least gold digging would make some sense. And the girls, despite being gorgeous, are boring and superficial as fuck, which is amusing considering their man friends look 25 going on 50. Of course half of them went to college with me. Nothing like being introduced to a girl who could care less what you have to say before she goes running back to her 5'7 whispy haired bf with a tucked in polo and loafers. Fuck all of them. Thank god I see alot less of them during the non-summer months.
I stay below 14th Street. *Hair toss* *Struts away in my hipster shoes* On a more serious note, if there's a line or a cover, I know it's a place full of people I have no interest in being around.
When I was in NYC this past weekend, the only people my friends and I hung out with were hipsters and preppy douches. We saw this group of these worthless beings while at dinner, one was dressed in a pheasant pattern button down shirt with neon yellow shorts short enough for women to wear and these female zip up ankle boot things. The rest wore stuff as equally as insidious, and these were all guys dressed basically in women's clothing mixed with great grandpa's old 30's attire. I wanted to round them all up with a couple cases of PBR, dump gallons of highly flammable jet fuel on them, then hand one a cigarette and lighter and watch from afar while they torched themselves. No offense to miss am above, but these kids all deserve the horrible deaths that are coming to them.
I generally don't go to bars that have a large number of douches. I try pretty hard to avoid trendy spots and gravitate towards places where assholes aren't given much time. However, I can't stand firefighters and cops in a bar, in that order. Cops are usually alright, but invariably one of them will loudly remind other patrons that he and his friends are DUI proof, then tell fantastic stories of being pulled over and let go because of the blue line. Fuck those guys. Firefighters just fucking suck in general. They rarely do anything alone, so if you find one, invariably you'll find another or ten. They take some air of superiority and the guys around here can't help but wear some type of 9/11 clothing despite the fact that we're in Memphis, TN... Roughly 1,100 miles away from the WTC. That won't stop them from acting like they were pulling their comrades from the rubble.
I distinctly recall going to bars and dance places with my girlfriend (now wife) and how much I despised it. There was one group in particular that annoyed me and almost got me into several fights: The "I'm going to grind on every single girl I see" guy. You'd see them flailing around the dance floor, looking for any girl to relentlessly thrust their crotch at. I'd be dancing with my girlfriend only to have some dude come up behind her and start grinding on her, and then act offended when I shoved him away, as if I had somehow wronged him. This has almost led to several fights, but luckily I am a big enough guy (not to mention the fact that I look perpetually angry) that they usually walk away and turn to grind on some other unsuspecting girl. More often than not this would result in the girl shoving him away or just leaving altogether. On rare occasion, the girl was into it. These girls are almost as bad as the guys. To these women I say, have some fucking pride. You're encouraging the douche bags.
Cops in this town suck for bar behaviour. REALLY suck. As in "Being a cop= diplomatic immunity." A cop in town right now is being brought up on three counts of sexual assault for bar behaviour usually reserved for Pittsburgh Steelers quarterbacks. Suspended with pay, of course. The one thing I never got since the night I turned 19 years old is this: WHY must a drunk, bitter male HAVE to punch somebody in the face-- for any reason no matter what-- just on the basis that he's bitter? You've seen these cuntards in every city: The guy out on the sidewalk screaming at every guy that walks within 50 feet of at the top of his lungs. He'll walk at ANYBODY who goes near him.. Why? Because he's a fucking baby without his wittle bottle because ims can't handle a wittle alcohol. Goo-Goo Googily Goo, baby. So, he downs a bottle of Cutty Sark and picks fights all fucking night. And GOD HELP YOU if you actually rub shoulders with him. You are so fucking dead, faggot. Stack tires around him and set him ablaze. It's all he's good for. In fact, HERE is a perfect example of the motherfucker I speak of. Only in this video, he (and his brahs) gets the ol' clock cleaned like none other with an aluminum bat: ...and he made the getaway. Orgasmic.
This. The town where I'm from only has a population of 22,000, but the it's also the only place that has more clubs and bars than anywhere else for miles, so every weekend it becomes a hub for every drunk bogan (white trash) from the other bullshit no-hoper towns all full of liquor and confused anger. I generally manage to avoid fights, but my younger brother has been knocked out and hospitalised so many times now it's beyond a joke, and he is definitely not someone who picks fights. I feel safer when I go out in Melbourne, since they put cops on every corner.
I will finally admit it: I don't mind hipsters at bars. They don't feel the need to drunkenly punch anyone and even if they did, it would be hilarious. They will have awesome drunk conversations (music, beer, art) that will totally not matter the next day. They are generally shy, smartassed and snobby, but those are traits of people who can be completely ignored. I do feverishly despise bros. Drunk, arrogant and pointless and they will make it a point to disrespect every woman in sight in some form or another. At least hipsters have something to say, bros will not afford you basic human courtesy unless you have access to a beer tap or tits. Your best chance of ridding yourself of these twats is to tell them you know where THEY can find some coke and send them on a wild goose chase. The final complaint is the group of birthday girls. Typically, they cannot receive enough attention, and are incredibly obnoxious. Also, since at least half of the group doesn't have the common sense to pace themselves with alcohol, a few of them are down-syndrome drunk before midnight. Nothing spoils an evening out like a moron turning 26 puking all over you at 11 p.m. God forbid if you try and actually fuck one of these women and break up the birthday magic. Please, do not point out the fact that you are not trying to fuck her because she's drunk, you are trying to fuck her because she's flashed the bar a dozen times due to a skirt/dress that would make hookers and gynecologists blush. Your logic cannot hope to defeat her Whore Logic when it's reinforced by a pack. I believe the common thread is the pressure to have a good time. It's The Night Out, legends and memories must be formed. No mere person can possibly be allowed to disrupt The Night Out due to the general obnoxiousness of the group and if they try, they are an asshole. Most people I enjoy spending time with in bars don't make it into the Goddamned Super Bowl, it's a more relaxed vibe that completely is lost on these cunts.
That's because you ARE a hipster. It's OK, own it. Wanna come over to my place and see my typewriter? I know you do.
Hot women that are out of my league and intimidate me. Bitches. I deal with them by going home alone and drunkenly masturbating myself to sleep.
Focus Big, angry, drunk for no reason, looking for a fight. In other words, Marines/SEALs. I've had run-ins with that type and I've been friends with that type. Believe me, you want them on your side. I've got scars that show evidence of how shitty they can be when they're not... (side note: never yell PUSSIES!!! at a party of people you don't know.)
Focus: Mil-bros. This is mostly confined to military towns, but the worst possible bar patron I've seen is the PFC (he got busted down from lance for that massive hotel party last week, where he assaulted people who were trying to calm him down, and then the police after they showed up to handle him) who failed out of college and now thinks he's Chesty Puller reborn because he's in the military. Think frat boy but with moto tats. Common traits: Boot-ass high and tight haircut. Thinks he's irresistable to every woman who walks into the bar, including those who are with other guys. Constantly talking extremely loudly about "the sandbox" in the hopes that someone will give him an atta-boy and/or pussy for deploying. (Note: He's probably Admin or a Bulk Fuels Specialist) Wears his fucking dog tags to the bar. Sees violence as an excellent opportunity to show off how tough he is. Going with the above, takes offense to ANYTHING that could possibly be construed as insulting to his manhood. I don't get it. You're in J-ville / Beaufort / Yuma / Quantico / Oceanside. EVERYONE HERE IS MILITARY. And the people who aren't? They're completely unimpressed by your enormous badly drawn moto tats and your belligerent personality. I find it sad that in Yuma, being a Marine is actually a DETRIMENT to getting laid because of these fucksticks. On the bright side, here in Yuma, these guys tend to pick fights with Mexicans, who are fans of the "Get six of your friends and jump one guy in the parking lot" fighting style. It warms my heart to see a mil-bro stuck in the hospital for fucking with the wrong people.
I agree about military and cops, but only when they're in packs. Hence, I avoided their watering holes--except in the town where I grew up because I went to either grade school or high school with most of the police force and I was friends with the guy who owned that bar. For those of you who live in the city, are there no more corner taverns/neighborhood bars with unpretentious clientele who just like to knock back a few (several) and watch the game/shoot pool/play darts/listen to music on the jukebox that was made on real instruments?
Of course there are, but people can't get righteously indignant about those places. To be honest, every time I see this thread rise back up, I think of the first line from Hall and Oates-Maneater, though its "she'll" instead of "they"
Bachelorette Parties. Fuck you bitches. I'm not going to pay you a dollar to eat candy off your best friends necklace. I'm not going to pay you a dollar to kiss your friend on the lips for a second. No I won't run around the bar dry-humping people for a Dum-Dum pop. Unless your challenges include letting me motorboat one of the girls at the party, receive a blow jobs, do shots with, or make-out with a girl at the party...leave me the fuck alone. Too much of anything is a bad thing. In Chicago it is SO fucking easy to get exactly what you want, everything is broken up into neighborhoods perfectly. You got your dive bars in lakeview, bro bars in wrigley, hipster dive bars in Wicker Park, UBER hipster bars in Logan Square, clubs down town, bro-clubs/trendy places in Old Town/River North. No matter where you go, there are assholes. I can't say I hate a specific crowd because I like to frequent all those places. I just hate the assholes at any of those places, because at all of those places there are assholes.