I don't know how this idea came to me but I started thinking about the sad state of man-oriented TV at work yesterday. There's no middle ground, the two main channels in North America cater to either the dunderheaded (SpikeTV) or the shut in (G4) and I'd be a lot more interested in a mix of the two. Focus: Create the "thinking man's" TV network. Be as ambitious as you want, but dream up a channel or just a prime time block that you would be proud of. Feel free to mix and match shows you create with stuff that already exists (assume everything is available for syndication). Would there be any theme to the different days of the week or would you run periodic week long programming themes (a la shark week)? I'm interested in seeing what you guys can come up with
They're both Cable channels. Swing-and-a-miss. Serious Response: I'd argue that most of the programming today on both Network and Cable is male-orientated. Movies too. How many times have you seen a strong and able female protagonist with which you could empathize? It doesn't happen because almost every single character we see on TV is male, is dependent on strong male characters in some way or another or has terribly masculine qualities. I'm far from a feminist but it isn't fair and it's the exec's faults. I remember that some female-led action movie bombed and the pres. of WB spewed out a flaming piece on never producing another female-led movie as long as he's in charge. I'd blame it on many things before the actress/character but unfortunately it seems to be the case that in today's fiction it's all androgen, all the time. And where there are female characters, they are either secondary, antagonistic, featured briefly or caricatures of real people. Sex and the City, Desperate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy fit into the caricature category as far as I'm concerned. I'd love to be proven wrong for many reasons, professional or otherwise. My own writing barely has any female leads - I can't write them well, I have no inspiration or model to base them on. Hell, my five favorite movies ever are almost exclusively masculine or from a hard male POV: Fight Club, The Departed, Dazed and Confused, The Big Lebowski and Goodfellas. The strongest female in that bunch would probably be Madelin (the psychiatrist from the Departed) because she makes her own decisions and is proactive for most of the movie and even she is bounced between two male leads. TV too: Mad Men, The Sopranos, House, Friday Night Lights, Community, The Wire. The strongest proactive female in that whole bunch is probably Connie from FNL, and she started as a school socialworker! Big stretch, right? Not serious: A TV show that was 25%Football 25%Hockey 50%The Wire reruns (or The Sopranos or Mad Men).
I would just make a channel of naked women. Naked women running around, shooting things, shot gunning beers, covering themselves with whip cream and chocolate and have another naked broad lick it off, playing hockey or some sports and doing jumping jacks; lots and lots of jumping jacks. And there will be one of those Christmas Fireplaces in the top right corner at all times. Yup.
I'm reminded of Jack's character in as good as it gets: “I think of a man, then I take away reason and accountability.” Just sayin.
I don't know . . . if there's no episode where they stop to kiss each other, I might have to write an angry letter to the programming executives. Gee, how would you ever sell ads on this channel? Channel 269? Yeah, I vote for this.
Celebrity Cat Fights (who wouldn't want to see Lindsay Lohan get the shit kicked out of her by Queen Latifah?) KABOOM (because guys like to blow shit up) I'd like to see Mythbusters do an episode (marathon?) on the G-spot. Redneck Jeopardy! Categories include: NASCAR, Roadkill, Ford vs. Chevy, Dukes of Hazzard Candid MILF Camera. You think little Bobby Johnson's mom looks hot in her tennis outfit?
A day in programing on my dream channel: 6:00am: Infomercials - They're all for absurd products and they will all be pitched by a group of mental patients. At least one person needs to go at the camera with the Awesome Auger 7:30am: Rocko's Modern Life - Because I miss that damn cartoon. 8:00am: World News - Hosted by Diane Sawyer. She's smart, I trust her, and she's the only woman over 60 that I'd bang the hell out of. 9:00am: Brewing - An intelligent show hosted by the owners and operators of successful and well-respected microbreweries. 10:00am: Liquor - Like Brewing, but replace "microbreweries" with "distilleries" 11:00am: How It's Made - Only the cool stuff, though. No one cares how tooth brushes are made. 12:00pm: SportsCenter - It runs two hours without repeating any one event. The last 30 minutes are devoted soley to highlights with light commentary. 2:00pm: Cars - Picture Top Gear, but without the bullshit. Great camera work, lots of specs and road tests, and a superimposed image of a naked woman waving a checkered flag throughout. 3:00pm: Future Weapons - Pretty self explanatory. Awesome shit blowing up other shit. 4:00pm: Cooking with Bacon, Cheese, Butter, and Beer - The world's best chefs derive dishes from the four things that make any meal better. 5:00pm: The Simpsons - Back-to-back reruns from the good seasons when things were still funny. 6:00pm: Cash Cab - Again, back-to-back. I need my random trivia of the day. 7:00pm: History/Science - A long block of anything from the History/Discovery Channels. Pretty much can't go wrong there. 9:00pm: Always Sunny in Philadelphia/Tosh.0 - Always on M/W/F, Tosh on Tu/Th 9:30pm: Louie - Probably my favorite new show on TV 10:00pm: Naked American Gladiators - Women only, no crazy ripped steroids bitches, either. They compete for $10,000 and an American flag dildo. 11:00pm: Mr. T Yells at Children - The hallmark of the late night programming block. Mr. T jumps out of hidden places at kids and scares them, then yells at them for crying. 11:30pm: Making Some Damn Good Snacks - Hosted by Paula Dean, sponsored by Dogfish Head and Country Crock butter. 12:00am - 4:00am: Kiddies are in bed, it's hardcore sex time. 4:00am - 6:00am: Since no one is really awake at this time, this would be open to public access television, when people try their best to make an entertaining show that is then made fun of on the next Tosh.O
Buffy Summers, Faith (started as a protagonist), Echo (most of the women in anything Joss Whedon does, for that matter), Jessica Alba's character in Dark Angel. I would say Kara "Starbuck" Thrace from BSG, but she was more of an ensemble piece, and she was damn near crippled by her dependence on/need for two of the male leads. A great many female characters in Law shows, including Julianna Margulies in "The Good Wife", Candace Bergen in both Boston Legal and Murphy Brown, Julie Bowen in Boston Legal... Oh, and to the main point, I'd like to take exception to saying that G4 is for "shut ins". I haven't actually ever seen anything on that channel, but I know it's primarily geared towards the "nerdy gamer" stereotype. However, as many of the video game playing members of this board can testify, that stereotype doesn't really fit any more.
The perfect thinking man's channel used to be on cable. It was called "Speedvision." It showed AMA Superbike, Moto GP, F1, IMSA, NHRA, WRC, etc. Now that it's the Speed Channel and has changed its focus to all-NASCAR, all-the-time, it's just about useless. From Wikipedia: "Speed made news with the 2005 firing of network president Jim Liberatore, who had been with the network since Fox bought it in 2001 when it was still Speedvision, reportedly because Liberatore had wanted to reduce the number of NASCAR-related shows on the network, and the network brass wanted more NASCAR-related programming. Liberatore is now attempting to start a new network called The Racing Network, which will be closer to the original Speedvision." It all makes sense knowing that Fox is behind it.
Buffy doesn't have ridiculously masculine qualities? I don't know who Faith and Echo are, so no comment. Dark Angel was a terrible show with a terrible actress and it was rightfully canceled. BSG is an ensemble piece, but I'll concede Starbuck. Most procedural shows don't need audience empathy because of the structure of the show. That said, Boston Legal is centered on Spader and Capt Kirk and no one else. I forgot to consider Alias but then again, she had how many male characters supporting her?
Do you have any idea how extraordinarily difficult and rare this is? Making a believable, interesting, uniquely feminine lead? It's hard as hell, and the vast majority of female writers and directors fail miserably when THEY try. I can probably count on two hands the number of such quality characters I have encountered in books or movies, let alone television. This should in no way be blamed on those "evil, sexist" executives. They have tried to make shows/movies with female leads, and those have, for the most part, sucked horribly, with an awful, caricatured main character. I think there is a reason for this, but it is a long explanation unrelated to the topic. Focus- It goes without saying that mixed martial arts, K-1 kickboxing, boxing, kung fu movies, samurai films, Yakuza/Triad/gangster films, and war films would be staples of any network I would head. In terms of original programming, we would have, among other things; Sniper's Journal- A documentary devoted to following around an experienced, decorated sniper who would tell one-time classified war stories and re-enact particularly memorable kills. Who wouldn't watch this? One-Man Team- We've all seen SpikeTV shows like Pros versus Joes, where older, often retired athletes compete against a few never-was amateurs. But how about we take it one step further? Take an amazing athlete in the prime of his career, like a Chris Johnson, and put him up against....6 random freshman high school students trying to tackle him. He doesn't get any blocking, just a guy handing it off to him who then runs off the field. Or take LeBron James, and have him compete in a 1 on 3 against junior high players. Variations on this game would rock.
Don't the Military Channel and Discovery Science Channel count? And yes, MANswers sucks syphlitic donkey cock.
6am - 9am: This would be a morning news type show, but instead of some effeminate man and ditzy woman there would be a serious news anchor type who reads the news, sport and weather every half hour. In between is highlights of fights, short stand up routines, current and classic plays of the week, and other filler that isn't inane drivel. 9am - 930am: Porn 930am - 12pm: Classic sporting match (for me it would be old rugby and cricket matches). 12pm - 1230pm: Porn 1230pm - 3pm: Classic movies 3pm - 330pm: Porn 330pm - 6pm: Reruns of comedies: The Simpsons, Seinfeld, Family Guy, South Park, The Office, Extras, Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Arrested Development, Curb your Enthusiasm, 30 Rock, etc. 6pm - 7pm: The News 7pm -730pm: New comedy: New episodes of the above list 730pm - 830pm: Documentary or Myth Busters, other cool nature/history documentaries. 830pm - 930pm: A good drama: if there are no current good shows then it would be reruns of classics, i.e. The Sopranos, The Wire, etc. 930pm - 10pm: More comedy 10pm - 1030pm: The Daily Show 1030pm - 6am: Cycle of movies, sports, TV shows, and porn.
While I agree with you, I want to pretend this is a world where this isn't true. So in an effort to make an argument, I'm bringing up the Powerpuff Girls. Sure they were kind of goofy and super-girlie. But they also kicked major ass and although they were created by a man, Professor X was a secondary character to them. They also defeated quite a few male villains. Please agree with me so we can pretend I'm not totally wrong for a few minutes.
I'd like to see Ultimate Surrender get a regular slot. You can watch a fight and rub one out at the same time. NSFW-RedTube link.
Must include: Ken Burns and David Attenborough documentaries. A serious "Best Of" the major sporting events as an introduction to people who don't follow certain sports. So yeah, I'd like to see the best World Cup game, best rugby match, Formula 1 race, etc as an example of why I should follow these sports. Expert DIY shows...for example, lets get Lee Iacocca to DIY rebuild an engine or a Marine drill instructor to show how to properly care for shoes, guns, etc. This has the potential to be awesome, if you can get them to do stuff that's difficult enough they can't make it look easy. Imagine a drill instructor just losing his shit on camera when he can't get a spot off his boots. Doug Stanhope hosting the Man Show...with Dave Attell....and they are paid in Mardis Gras beads, pot and liquor. News that actually contains information. For instance, right after anything like "the war in Afghanistan reaches it's 10,000 casualty" a segment explaining why Afghanistan is so difficult, it's people, it's history, etc. Not just a windbag going, "THIS WAR SUCKS A WALRUS COCK!" That's what we have the internet for. Do a program like the Daily Show, but instead of constantly making fun of Fox News, debunk news stories as myths or half-truths. Motherfucking. College. Baseball. It's a crime against Christ that the only time you can see college baseball is during the CWS, but ESPN televises poker. Must not include: Programs about video games (again, that's what the internet is for). Any MMA programming that is not actual fighting or fight training (how-to, not the Ultimate Fighter nonsense). Any program with the word Extreme in the title. Poker or card games featured as "sports" or competitions.
1) Show dedicated entirely to movie car chases and non-CGI explosions. 2) Classic "Power Hour" Music show (nothing but 80's & 90's metal) 3) Schwarzenegger movie made before 1999 4) Documentary about ninjas 5) Memorial 2-hour special dedicated to the remote control 6) Specialty show about quality liquors and beers 7) One of those awesome "Shark Week" shows. 8) 1/2 hour program that does nothing but trash-talk everything about MTV 9) Stallone movie made before 1993 10) Late Night: Classy, non-gross porn 11) A game show where you stomp Jay Leno or John Mayer to death while wearing track and field shoes 12) Air Wolf re-runs 13) DIY show on how to make one of those awesome canes in where you can pull out a sword and then it suddenly WHOOSH it becomes TWO cool swords.
What about Buffy the Vampire Slayer? She was female, interesting, and kicked some serious ass. Granted she was sexualized to a certain extent, but much much less than usual.