Does anybody else here have a baby face that makes them look about 5 years younger than they are? I'm 22 and I still get carded going into R-rated movies. That being said, here are a funny thing that happened to me in the bar last night due to my baby face. Shortly after I sat down, a girl immediately touched my face and asked me "Oh my god, how old are you?". My smart ass immediately responded "16". "You can't be 16 because you're in the coast guard" she said. I said "fine, I'm 20". After a few minutes of this I finally admitted that I'm going to turn 21 in a week (I just don't know when to stop). Then she moved on to caressing my arm and asked me "When's the last time you've had sex?" Truth be told, I'm not a virgin, but I didn't feel like getting into a conversation about my sex life with her, so I said "That's a personal question. I'm not answering that". "I would sooo corrupt you after just one night" she responded I know what's going on here. This has happened to me plenty of times before. Most people who look at me assume I'm not that sexually educated because of how young and innocent I appear. Because of this, some bitchy women cocktease me just to boost their fragile egos. Just for shits and giggles, I told her in a very confident manner "I think it would be the other way around". She laughed, told me how cute I was, and then walked away while laughing. On top of that, every time I passed her that night, she loudly proclaimed to whatever group of people she was with "See that guy, he's such a virgin!". Oh well, it's a good thing I don't need everyones approval to feel good about myself.
Got home from a 12 hour shift to find the house a disaster and my boyfriend glued to football. Being far too tired to clean or even bitch about the lack of cleaning I rolled a joint and joined him on the couch. I woke up freezing at 6 am still on the couch where he left me in the most uncomfortable position ever and went to bed. normal night in my household.
Suck it Oklahomo!!! So I found a 3 foot plastic sword yesterday while frolfing before we started tailgating for the Nebraska Oklahoma game, so I already knew it was going to be an awesome day. Started tailgating at around 2 and went to the bars to watch the game at 6. I'm pretty sure at some point in the night I declared myself king of the bar because I started using the sword to knight random people and held the sword above my head screaming "I have the power!!!". Finding random shit rules.
I went to a burlesque show last night. My sister-in-law invited me, and I figured "Sure I'll go. Boobs are awesome." I had gone to a burlesque show in Paris once and it was amazing, so I thought this would be similar. Turns out this was a recital type thing that her coworker was involved in. These girls had taken classes for a few weeks and were putting on their first show. It was god awful. The coworker was the only one who was halfway good looking and put on a decent show. Then there was "fatty"... This girl had to be 250-275 lbs. She had gastric bypass and lost 100 lbs., so she was treating herself to these classes. Her body was a mess. At least she had a sense of humor - her whole routine was based on her being a butcher and loving meat. She started out in a butcher's outfit (white hat, shirt, and pants). Then she began pulling fake steaks out of her pants and caressing them. She then started to undress revealing a skirt with sausages hanging from it. The final reveal was her holding two small steaks over her nipples. This was all while standing next to a bedazzled chart of beef cuts. Wow.
I tried a new Canadian Whiskey - Northern Light. The consensus is, all cheap Canadian shit tastes the same. Ran into my buddy's (who is at boot camp right now) girl at a party, and she had some letters he wrote to her and let me read since the fucker lost my address and hasn't written me. Several times in letters he asked her for my address and I don't think she told me about it, which is kind of fucked. Anyway, after drinking about a liter of that shit I started writing a letter to my friend. I swear I was trying to be sincere and actually write a good letter, but I was so fucked up this is what came out: Yo man, I'm so proud of you. Like seriously proud man, I hope you're doing good. But don't try to fuck with me or I'm fuck you. Tell them TI's to bring their pussy shit. I'm out
Climbed into bed at 9PM to watch the Celtics game and passed the fuck out within 15 minutes or so. Sleep schedule has been all over the fucking place (11PM some nights, 2AM others) but I always wake up at 6:00AM regardless. So happy to catch up on some sleep. Woke this morning to a dozen texts messages asking which bar I was at and if there were hot chicks there.
Went out for a friends 21st. I was sick as a dog with a virus, but made a special effort to go. I was overdosed on cold medication so I decided it would be a bad idea to drink, so I drove my friends in planning to leave after dinner. Of course everyone got smashed, the birthday boy spewed at the table, and we somehow managed to get him out of there and cleaned up without the bouncers finding out. The importance of that last part is simple - bouncers at all the local clubs communicate by radio and if you get kicked out of one place, you can bet you're not getting in anywhere else without a disguise. Went to two more bars after that, stayed till 4:30am and arrived home sober and without a hangover, just in time to photograph the sunrise with my new DSLR. Very different night out indeed. The only bad part is I realised how antisocial I am without alcohol. I only made (boring) conversation with two girls all night. Gonna have to work on that.
I awoke this morning, with nothing but last nights jeans on, in the bed of a girl i don't remember meeting. I have the following evidence from last night: - My shirt no longer has sleeves. - There is a triangle of sauce on my jeans leg that matches perfectly to a slice of pizza. - I have a different phone, but the same simcard and contacts. - A written waning for 'fare evasion' from a train ride i don't remember. - Fistfuls of sand in my pockets. - A message from a girl saved as 'Pirate Hooker'. - Pages from an unknown cookbook taped to my shoes. I don't remember passed midnight at the bar. The girl was kind enough to tell me that i met her in the cab rank. Allegedly, we both went for the same cab and she asked where i was going and my reply was 'Wherever you want to take me." Maybe someone here can tell me what i did last night.
After I got home from the bar last night, I was getting head while eating Easy-Mac. At that point I was probably the most content person on the planet.
Yesterday was rough, so I came home and took 3 back to back shots of Jameson then went and had some cigars with the fellas after 24 ended. It turned a shitty day into a decent evening. #Bros4Life. Reviving this motherfucker.
It was a pretty fucking solid weekend for me. Friday night, a ludicrously hot asian chick from russia came to my house so I could tie her up. For some reason she showed up with an entire macadamia cheese cake to serve like 12 people and a $30 bottle of wine. I don't drink wine and it'll take me a fucking month to eat that much cheese cake. I've been giving it to everyone who comes in the fucking house who I can and I've still barely gone through a third of it. Saturday night was Brisbane Hellfire - a fetish club I work at. I got to spend the night on stage beating, tying or shocking people with electricity and generally being a perverted attention whore - which is basically my favorite thing ever. It wasn't a particularly big night - 5 or 6 scenes including torture tying a gymnast and circus performer, beating a burlesque dancer's ass, and getting my hands all kinds of places on a professional model who I've been trying to fuck for weeks. Sunday night I was helping my dad clear out his place before he moves out of the country and was just wrapping things up at like 10pm when I got a booty call from a 19 y/o stripper who's sucked my cock a few times. The booty call was to come over and tie up her and her girlfriend, a 21 y/o stripper. If someone wrote my life up as a porn script - it would never sell - too fucking implausible. Monday, a girl I met out of state a few months ago at a conference thing got in touch. She's in town and wants to hook up. This girl is a sex worker for a day job - and she makes a fucking lot of money doing it, but is very enthusiastic about using me for recreation. Still haven't managed to get together with her - fucking stupid schedules - but have a date with her on Friday Spent last night with my girlfriend. Organizing a trip to Canada - although looks like it might have just fallen through. The friend we were primarily going to visit is going to be out of town for work for 3 fucking months. Gutted. Super happy for him - it's a massive deal for him - but having spent 6 hours organizing dates and researching flights? Gah.