The TiB Career Series: Ask a Functional Alcoholic.

Agreed. It's been at least four years since I've gone longer than 2-3 days without getting hammered. And I make $100k+. Never late, never 'sick', always a top performer. And Id guess about 1/4 of my peers are rowing the same boat.

 

This is something I've always been curious about. When I was in college drinking myself into oblivion 7 days a week every week I NEVER got sick, not once. I got sick in high school and after college, but never in my peak drinking days. Is there a scientific explanation for this?

Edit: For reference I'm 26 and if I go on benders (which I probably do far too frequently for a 26 year old) I still never get sick during or after them. But when I'm 'responsible' is when I get sick.

 

How do your kids not notice the alcohol smell in your breathe? What does your wife think of your drinking?

 

I'm probably not qualified to post answers in this thread, but I think I can handle these questions:

If your kids know what booze breath is you have bigger problems than them knowing you drink.

Judging by previous posts he is not married, but if he were she would probably think "holy fucking shit this drunk asshole is making more than my last three boyfriends combined, this is fucking awesome."

- Edit: oh yeah, in response to a previous post, if wine is the calling card of the functional alcoholic then boxed wine must be the calling card of the frugal functional alcoholic (I know I've professed my love of boxed wine here already but I don't consider myself an alcoholic and certainly wouldn't have the option of being a functional one).

This brings me to my next question, how do you guys (excluding the rich fuck Whoreswithnoname) afford this shit? Two bottles a day? Really? You probably pay more in booze than I pay in rent.

 

Congrats on functioning with a disease that is progressive and so deceptive that those suffering from it figure out a way to justify their actions.

Admitting you have a problem is no heroic deed, admitting you have a problem and not doing anything about it is cowardly.

Get some help, your kid deserves it.

 

Well now, when it comes to statements like this, I both agree and disagree. Call it cowardly if you like.

It is a disease. There is research to back it up, though I'm too lazy to find and link it. Willpower comes into play only if you WANT to quit. And, let's be honest, nobody quits unless they want to.

Friends, jobs, fuck, even spouses needing you to quit will never be the impetus for a recovering alcoholic. Their actions and reactions to you, on the other hand may drive you to want to quit, but it will ultimately be your own choice that life as a recovering is better than life as an actual.

And for those of us that are functional, it's even harder. We get along just fine, day-to-day. We have successful careers, we are productive members of society.

The question of parenthood is, in the end, subjective. I had friends whose parents were functional alcoholics, and great parents. I had friends whose parents never drank, but were shitty when it came to parenting. My own parents both had the pre-disposition for alcoholism, but rarely (if ever) imbibed. They did alright, in my opinion. And I grew up around people whose parents weren't alcoholics. Some were ok, some were fucked up.

Alcoholism (in my opinion, from my extensive experience) doesn't make you a good or bad person. It simply amplifies the traits you already had. A mean drunk is someone who subconsciously would like to be mean to people, and when he drinks, does so.

A lovey drunk expresses his inner love for people when he gets shitfaced.

Granted, no one is only one trait. I think I demonstrated that myself on Thursday by simultaneously pouring praise on Hotwheelz and conceiving a retarded rep war on KIM.

Neither of these things were, in the long run, a wise thing to do. But they didn't change the core of who I am. They expressed it.

Alcoholism isn't a simple thing, and it's been studied by people far wiser and more knowledgeable than you or I.

And I'm drunk right now. Yay functional Alcoholism.

 

You just said a mouthful, my brotha. I've been to more than my fair share of AA meetings, and I've never, for once, found them anything but ridiculous.

That's not to lessen the experience of anyone in the program. When it works, it works. It just doesn't work for me.

It's predicated on the idea of a "Higher Power". As an atheist, it annoys me. The entire basis of the program is that there is a higher power. So when a court ordered me to attend these meetings, I was annoyed.

 

AA works for some people, for me I found other ways to stay sober.
The atheism argument is not valid for not buying into the AA system , a higher power means different things to different people, to some it means a group of friends, to some it means God, mother earth, the great spirit, anything but themselves.

 

To me, atheism is believing in nothing but random chance ruling the universe. So, for me, it's a valid reason. To me, there is no higher power. There is only chaos.

 

So... deal with the underlying issues, then? Maybe I'm missing something here, but in your situation, isn't that the solution? You've talked about your self-loathing and how much you hate yourself, which makes you drink, which makes you hate yourself more, and the cycle continues. Shouldn't getting to the root of your personal problems stop your reliance on alcohol?

I probably have a skewed view on alcoholism since my Dad is an alcoholic and it cost him his marriage to my Mom and any chance at a relationship with my sister and I. Something I've never been able to grasp about alcoholism is this: why don't you just not drink? That's not directed at you, Whores; it's more of a general question. If you know something is harming you and you realize and acknowledge that, then just don't do it? Instead of getting home from work and pounding a bottle of wine... don't. What happens then?

I think of myself as having a gambling problem. If given the chance, I would spend all day, every day at the casino. However, I know that wouldn't be financially responsible for me, so I don't do it. I'll play poker with friends, but I'm not going to go to the casino with $10k every day, because I realize that would be fucking stupid.

 

Gambling problem? Sounds like you just enjoy gambling, and I think it's a pretty big stretch to try to equate that to Whores' alcoholism.

Why doesn't he just not drink? Well, the nature of substance addiction sort of has a role in that. I highly doubt he is getting off work daily, lounging around his house for awhile, and then saying, "hmmm, I'm in the mood for a few beers, I think I'll go pick some up." Yes, you know it's bad for you, but you just need to do it.

I mean fuck dude, do you not think that just about every smoker in the world would LOVE to give up the cigs? I know I fucking would, and I've tried numerous times. No dice. It's called addiction.

 

Can you provide an example?

It's apparent you are dealing with other, deeper issues and I would bet that a complete assessment would reveal dual diagnoses, and that's not all that uncommon. Almost 75% of adults seeking treatment for alcoholism at a treatment facility are also found to have a comorbid psychiatric disorder. However, chicken or the egg, you're still dealing with alcoholism and both diagnoses need to be addressed simultaneously if there's any hope of recovery.

As for AA, it's been my experience (and many like me) that the program works if I work it. It's not something one gets via "assmosis" by sitting in a couple of meetings. AA taught me how to change, and as a result, I changed my life. But it's not the only path to recovery. There's Rational Recovery, SOS, etc., but like AA, they too require the individual to make a choice and do the work.

 

Is it possible for an alcoholic to recover, but still drink? Or do they need total abstention like AA say?

 

I'm a new member, but have been lurking for months now, and I think I may understand why you do this to yourself. You are right, alcoholism is just a symptom of underlying issues, but the greater danger happens to be less with self-loathing and more with motivation. You can rationalize all the reasons any other person would quit, but no reason reaches deep enough into your psyche to click a switch and tell you "Stop NOW." Regardless of how objectively successful you've become, you were pushed to focus on the reasons why you "suck." Even if people respect you, you feel almost undeserving of the respect you deserve, possibly because you don't feel competent in the activities that others take for granted (socially comfortable, able to handle stress effectively, etc.). Even this thread, for example, is you seeking attention in the most twisted way possible. What everyone on this board is telling you, no matter how true or how deep, won't effectively make you challenge and quit your alcoholism for the long-term. All your issues are bottled up and the only solution is another bottle, but that solution is an illusion. So you try again. You keep trying, knowing full-well that you're digging yourself into a hole. You obviously hate yourself, but self-hatred is not a good enough reason to damage the lives of your family and friends.Your alcoholism is worsened by habits, which find any way to continue their actions. Habits work obsessively to keep themselves alive. You need to realize that your rationalizations work as excuses to continue enabling this potentially destructive lifestyle.

Honestly, this seems trite, but the only way for you to get over it is to take babysteps towards improvements. Move too fast and you'll give up. It's just like physical exercise. Start with cutting down a drink or two from your normal routine. Then, try to go a whole day without drinking. Rinse and repeat the next day. Then the next day. And for God's sake, tell people that you're trying to quit and ask for support. Ask for support from anyone: family members, friends, coworkers, strangers, anyone. Believe it or not, but knowing people want the best for you is a HUGE ego boost. What you need is some externally-reinforced self-esteem and motivation. Everytime you pick up a drink, remind yourself of your kid and what will happen if you acquiesce to the the seductive force of a drink. "It's only one drink" you'll rationalize. As soon as you hear yourself say that, put the drink down, or pour it out, or throw it across the street(don't do that). Continued motivation can help you kill the most intricate styles of self-defeatism. Ignore all other consequence-mitigating thoughts and just keep thinking that pouring that drink out will save your life, and your family's happiness. Honestly, do you want to continue your alcoholism, knowing that you are continuing to propagate that genetic lack of moderation to the next generation, and possibly the next one? No offense, but that's utterly myopic and selfish if you are willing to do that just to stay keep doing your comfortable habits. Forget about AA. All you need is a strong will, a possitive mind, and *coughcough* love. Good luck.

 

You sound like you have a personality disorder and suffer from dysthemia. If I were to venture a guess, I'd say you have a borderline personality disorder, and this whole thread is resultant from your pathology.

It's been said many times before, I'll say it again, seek professional help. It will most likely fall on deaf ears, however.

 

If you are into reading, you should pick up "The Heroin Diaries" by Nikki Sixx of Motley Crue fame. It is a collection of actual (allegedly) journals written by him during the height of Motley Crue fame and the height of his alcoholism/addiction that he found stored away a couple of years back. He published the journals as is, along with recent commentary by him and others on the specific entries. Besides being very entertaining just based on the content of the journals, the book is actually put together as a journey to rock bottom and back again, taking place through the 80's and commented on through a recovering Nikki's eyes. Basically, once he finds the reasons behind his addictions and faces them, he has a much easier time with sobriety.

With regards to alcoholism being a disease, I am really surprised that it has not yet been officially recognized as a disease (well besides the possible economic consequences involved when every douchebag that has a glass of wine with dinner claims "alcoholism" for paid time off work, etc.). There is a reason why the term is "Recovering" alcoholic rather than former alcoholic. It's because it more closely resembles how a cancer patient is said to be in "Remission" rather than "cured". There is always the possibility of the disease (or the symptoms therein) coming back at any time. Alcoholism is not necessarily being addicted to drinking/pills/blow/etc., it’s the process that is driving the addiction. This is the reason for dry alcoholics, which are those alcoholics that do not drink but still show the alcoholic tendencies in their personality. You may be surprised how many dry alcoholics that you know and how many dry alcoholics actually enter rehab for treatment.

Yeah, so read the Heroin Diaries. Don't read "The Dirt", because that book will cause you to go on a 180 day long, hardcore, pants shitting, bed pissing, every night bender, during which you spend $12,000 on booze and smokes only, receive 2 promotions and 3 raises at work, sleep with lots of different girls and generally have the best time of your life.

So for clarification, it's the Heroin Diaries, not The Dirt that you want.

 

From Whore's post on the "This Day is Taking Forever" thread... Here you are coming off like some white-collar Bukowski, and yet not so long ago you had no problem waving a thick steak in my broke-ass face.

Enjoy your posts, but cry me a river, baby...

 

Some people wouldn't. At least with AIDS you can get the sympathy of your family and friends. They will not completely turn your back on you (depending how you got it) and will usually support you.

Addiction is a disease and one just as dangerous as the one's listed above. You are like the thousands of people that say "why don't they just stop?" Don't you understand that they can not stop? That their brain is hard wired to get that next drink or fix?

Why on earth would people risk their jobs, family, financial security to sneak down to 7th and diamond to get a twenty bag of heroin? What logical human being does that. What person who is not sick drives home drunk with a kid in the backseat?

Trust me I 100% understand your feeling. Unfortunately I had a brother who was a heroin addict, so you have the choice of learning about addiction or turning your back on him completely. The doctors at the facility's he was in would hammer home that this was a disease, do the addicts act selfishly? Of course but again that goes hand in hand with addiction. They would say things like (regarding a relapse) "do you get mad at a cancer patient for throwing up on himself?)

I had an uncle who died of bone cancer. If I had to choose between dying of bone cancer or heroin addiction, I would choose bone cancer. It was awful watching my uncle pass, but the effect on the family is much different.

I don't want to get way off FOCUS here but addiction is a disease and anyone who has seen it first hand knows it's ugliness.

 

Umm what about that little fact that it is medically defined as a disease? Seriously what a load of self-righteous bullshit. If I call Athlete's Foot a disease am I also automatically 'insulting' cancer patients? Should a non-smoker with Lung cancer get to feel morally indignant over attention given to a smoker with the same disease? Where do you draw your imaginary line of what is and isn't a disease seeing as you find medical opinion to arbitrary.

How do you make the mental leap from someone refering to Alcoholism as a disease to hypothetical scenarios in which one has to chose between AIDS and Alcoholism? Your post just had ranting nutjob calling talk back radio written all over it.