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The Things You Do When No One Else Is Watching

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Blue Dog, Jul 28, 2010.

  1. Decatur Dave

    Decatur Dave
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    Pissing sitting down? I don't even know what to say. Does this go hand in hand with not having chest hair or something? Poor things.

    I have specific mirrors/window reflections I'll use depending on the time of day. I don't even wait till after working out, I just like to bask in the marvel of my masculinity when I catch a glimpse passing by. Chest hair and all.
     
  2. Jimmy James

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    Man, I'm glad I can out myself as a pee sitter. Who doesn't like to sit and relax? Best of all, you don't have to worry about sharting your pants when you rip off those nasty piss farts. Don't pretend to not know what I'm talking about.

    When I'm manscaping myself, I like to shape my pubes into weird designs before I trim it all the way down. I made my nutsack look like an Amish farmer once. It was rad.

    What?
     
  3. Frank n Beans

    Frank n Beans
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    Definitely this. I usually only have two phrases though. "Are you fucking kidding me" just about whenever I die, and "Fucking pussies" when there is someone just noob tubing the entire time. If I ever watched myself I'd probably laugh my ass off how retarded I was.
     
  4. Fernanthonies

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    I can only remember one time that I have pissed sitting down. It was a month or so back and I had just met my now girlfriend and we were talking on the phone late one night while she was in Ohio. I had been out drinking all night which means that I was going to be pissing every 20-30 minutes like always and I could tell that it was going to be a long phone call. So I pissed sitting down about 4 times during the call so that she wouldn't be able to tell that I was pissing. Came back and flushed after I got off the phone.
     
  5. whathasbeenseen

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    Oh shit. I didn't know Adam Carolla posted here!
     
  6. PewPewPow

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    I blow my nose in dirty laundry, no point in buying tissues if I can just use a sweaty workout tshirt.
    I let my boa coil around my headset while I'm playing EVE, COD, etc. Apparently it's pretty hilarious as we're both intently focused with what's going on on-screen.

    As far as the slightly weird go I often dress up in nice clothes to do absolutely nothing. I mean I'll rock a blazer, jeans, button-up , the whole deal to just sit around and read or play video games.
     
  7. Veovis

    Veovis
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    You guys can have your laptops, I'm simply a book man myself. Hell even when we went camping and I had angry assmergencies, I took the book. Shoulda seen the shit the rest of the folks I was with gave me while laughing when they noticed I was taking reading material to what is effectively a public washroom, but really, what am I supposed to do while venting 10 minutes of toxic waste (ie yesterdays flats of beer)

    When alone in the car and bored, I continually figure out when a milage sign goes by how long it will take me to get where I am going at different speeds. 175 kms left, what it I drive 95, 100?,110? ect, and figure it to the minute. (i hate it but can't stop myself)
     
  8. MoreCowbell

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    Ever pull the "Make the shit longer than necessary because you're really close to the end of a chapter" move? I know I have.
     
  9. shegirl

    shegirl
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    I poop.

    I talk to myself and carry on full and normal conversations with my dogs.

    I've been known not only to dance and sing like many but pick up my dogs front paws and do a little jig.

    From this thread I've learned that way more of you pee like a girl than I ever thought. You all seem to like to talk about it (wizzing in general), poo and various other things centered around what comes out of your peen and butt. Can't say I'm really surprised though.
     
  10. zyron

    zyron
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    Since I always bring a newspaper with me, I always have to finish the article I am reading before I leave.
     
  11. Veovis

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    Hell yes. Often. I'm waiting for a good enough book to see if one long shit can run into the start of a new one. (may need someone to deliver a snack in there though....wouldn't the wife be proud)
     
  12. Sam N

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    Someone mentioned it, but stepping over cracks in a sidewalk. If I'm alone I'll almost never step on a single crack. I like to develop a rhythm and stick to it, missing the cracks in the exact same spots every time. I think it will bring me good karma or something.

    Acting. I'll frequently act out scenes to actual movies, or scenes I've created in my mind. I can actually whip up some fake tears as well. The crying scenes will often be done in front of a mirror I have in my living room, so I can see how damn good I am.

    Yes, dancing, all the time. Hip hop, country, thrashing, booty dropping, salsa-ing, whatever. The other day I developed a little back and forth march to some classical song that was playing on tv that broke out into a full on arms flailing idontknowwhattocallit. I actually am a good dancer, but I have to guess that some of this stuff looks straight retarded

    Does this stuff make me seem weird? Whatever, I'm just creative.
     
  13. whatisinaname

    whatisinaname
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    Hoping to be even a fraction of the man Jim is.

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    Endlessly arrange and rearrange things in my house...books, stuff on shelves, water and other labels in the refrigerator. Everything must be in order tall to short, and all labels, hangers and colors, etc must face the same way and be grouped.

    No water-spots in any sink. I have 10 sinks in the house and they all must be perfectly spotless every morning. I never use the stainless ones in the kitchen.

    Lay on the floor with my dog and hold him while he's sleeping. He's a 110lb German Shepherd protection dog, but when no one is looking, I treat him like a small child.

    Groom/pluck every day - nose, ear, side-burns, between my eyebrows. I keep a magnifying mirror under one sink in the Master bedroom so no one knows I do this and no one ever sees it.

    When I man-scape, I go all the way to past my butt. I guess this is a male Brazilian wax, but maybe it's just gay.

    But when people are around, I act like I don't give a shit about "things" and just tell them to make themselves at home. Yeah, I'm real cool like that. Silently, I'm watching everything and waiting for them to leave so I can make my universe right again.
     
  14. Politik

    Politik
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    I play Diablo II on the jon, sometimes upwards of 20 minutes. Now that I have a level 85 Hammerdin I downloaded a mod that's pretty rad too.
     
  15. WASPnest

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    I sit down in the shower. Only when I'm hungover. It's not a real hangover if I didn't feel the need to sit down in the shower.

    I take naps on my floor, next to my bed.

    I practice smiling in a mirror sometimes. If I don't, I forget how to fake it, and when I try people are like "are you OK?" and "what's wrong? You look sick". It takes me a couple of weeks to get up to speed for the tourist season.

    Every month or so my brain turns off and I spend an hour blankly throwing rigged coin tosses or spinning a knife around my finger.
     
  16. MoreCowbell

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    I also do this. I wasn't kidding about being lazy. I take sloth to biblical proportions.
     
  17. Disgustipated

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    I pick.... nose, pimples, hairs, random bits of dry skin. Sometimes I must get up and go to the bathroom for the tweezers before I do anything else.

    I'll make bets with myself constantly, over completely inane things. Like, "I bet I can't take a leak and get back before the end of the ads".
     
  18. Viking33

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    I'll second the "caculate the time and distance" while in the car. Dad taught me how when I was about 12 and I haven't been able to stop since. I can usually get any long distance (100+ miles) destination within 2-3 minutes depending on traffic.

    I like to write with my pee. In the toilet of course, but I'll try to see how far through the alphabet I can get before I run dry. (Hint: cursive gets much better results than normal letters)

    I also dutch oven myself if I fart in bed. So far the only homemade concoction I gagged on was after a McDonalds double quarter pounder with cheese and a vanilla shake. Outside of that, every man loves his own brew, myself included. Nothing like holding yourself in the gas chamber voluntarily only to emerge gasping for air with a giant shit eating grin on your face. (pun not intended)
     
  19. hiphopguru

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    -I take baths...



    not only do I take baths but I also take snacks and books with me to enjoy while in said bath.
     
  20. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Air guitar. I RUN that shit.

    I regularly do my stand-up routine with whatever can sub as a microphone (but usually I just use the cordless mic I own) and talk to imaginary audience members. I kill every time.