The Super Bowl Weekend | I don't give a SHIT | DRUNK THREAD

Alright, I have a brief reprieve from playing catch-up at work (plus, me still hungover bunches), so here is my kinda shorthand version of some of the stuff that happened this weekend so that Chater doesn't ban me for procrastination out of spite:

-My dad, myself, and both of my brothers loaded up on Friday and made the 13-14 hour drive down to Miami. We were given 2 (free) tickets by a work associate, so my brothers and I had to flip coins to see who got to go with my dad to the game while the other two stayed in South Beach with some friends and their professional baseball player friends. We watched streaming South Park videos the entire way. My dad was particularly impressed by the Goobacks and Queef Sister episodes, and spent the rest of the trip saying "we lost our jobs".

-Quick shower and dinner, when we finally arrive, and then off to the titty bar. We played a game to see who could come up with the most creative stripper lines to tell them. Here are some of the ones I remember:
*"My name? I'm Hynson E. Cheese. My family is in the Italian Eateries and Skeeball business" (Some other names given included Terd Fergason, Luckyboots, and Cleveland Copperpot)
*"Am I allowed to walk on your chickens?" It helps to know that brother spoke in nothing but "Milo and Otis" quotes for about an hour.
*My other brother convinced a stripper that we were a troupe of traveling magicians, and did a trick where he folded a dollar, placed it on he hand, made he say "wing, wing, wing", and then picked it up like a phone and said "hello". Its much better when I'm not describing it, I promise. Then he told them that he wanted to make his wiener disappear.
*Stripper: "Why don't we go have a seat over here and talk?" Dad: "Whatever you say, naked lady!"

-My little brother left at some point to meet his professional baseball playing buddies at the Kendra WhoeverGirl's Playboy party. He says that he almost had a threesome by doing a dance move where he just gets on his hands and knees on the dance floor and crawls between girls' legs to give them piggyback rides, but that he passed out in the cab driver's lap.

-We hung out at this place all day at one point:

As you can see, there are Teepees in the background. We kept getting girls to just stand up and hangout in the teepees for long periods of time, and we would yell "TEEPEE PAAAAAARTAAAAAAY" at people when they walked by. You'd be surprised at the number of people who wanted to hang out in teepees with us.

-We saw James Carville at Joe's Stone Crabs. That guy sucks. My little brother told his girlfriend that we saw him, and she didn't know who it was until he mentioned "Old School".

-At one point, one of my brothers friends was walking down the street with a pizza he had just bought, and Chad Ochocinco tried to buy it off of him in exchange for an autographed picture. His friend was too drunk to no who he was, you he just kept yelling "WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?! MY PIZZA!" as he ran away.

-Oh yeah, and we saw Scottie Pippin at the titty bar. My brother woke up from being passed out, said "Sccccoooootttie" gave him a fist bump, and passed back out.

-At some point, this was my brother's Facebook Status: "Yea the yaks u ute thing is OSA the Miami tons the ford".

-I think we eat at Ruth's Chris at some point. I think it was delicious! It probably was!

-We did a coin flip to see who got to go to the game. I won. My brothers hate me.

-My dad and I roll up to the game blaring Keith Frank and Wayne Toups. We are not very sober. We both cry our eyes out for the National Anthem when the Blue Angels fly over.

-I want to make mouth-love to both Drew Brees and Tracy Porter.

-WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

-We met Drew Brees' grandparents in the parking lot after the game. They are lost, but we help direct them to the area where they need to be to meet their family. DREW BREES HAS TAUGHT ME THE PLOT OF "PAY IT FORWARD".

- I don't really remember much else of Sunday night. We went to the bar, but I don't remember where. We stayed out late, but I don't remember what time.

-Drive home 13-14 hours on Monday. Awful. I have no voice. My larynx hurts and I hate it. Saints win. Awesome.

That's all from the top of my head. I'm sure I'll remember more stuff when I talk to my brothers again.