Closest I've come would be eating some fudge or chocolate out of a mostly-empty package, forgetting that we had an ant problem in our kitchen at the time. I looked down in the box while my mouth was full of chocolate, and naturally it was full of ants. Miraculously, I don't think I had any in my mouth, but spit that shit out at about .999c.
Last summer I went up to Boston while on leave to party with some college friends. 4 of us ended up going to see Jimmy Buffett the last day I was there (great show, I'd always wanted to catch one of his concerts) and about 20 minutes into the concert, these two random girls walk up and basically start throwing themselves at me and one of my friends. I'm pretty sure this wasn't because we were the two most awesome or best-looking out of our group of 4 (although my attire did consist of a filthy backwards Phillies hat and no shirt) but because we were the two standing closest to the direction they walked up from. Anyway, as my buddy who didn't win the skank lottery (and the brother of the other guy who did) put it, "I look over and these two girls are introducing themselves to (Dr. Toboggan) and my brother, 30 seconds later I look again and (Dr. Toboggan)'s girl is grinding on him, 30 seconds later I look again and they're making out, 30 seconds later he's got his hand up her skirt." The other guy achieved the same result; it took him about 15 minutes longer, but in his defense his girl was a little better looking. Anyway, fast forward to the end of the night (neither of us ended up fucking our girl because there was no privacy and they refused to sneak off with strangers), we get back to my buddy's apartment in Boston--about an hour from the concert venue--turn the lights on and I notice a red stain on my hand. Honestly, didn't really bother me though. I also fucked a hot Indian cougar in Montreal on New Year's when I was home from Afghanistan who got her period the next morning, didn't stop me from fucking again knowing it was likely the last pussy I'd be getting for about 7.5 months. Bed ended up looking like a background prop from a horror film by the time we were done.
I was a Hospital Corpsman in the Navy, a Medical Technologist in the civilian world, and am now becoming a PA-C, so I have a pretty strong stomach. However: One night the ER sends a specimen up the tube "for culture", along with a urine pregnancy test. The specimen was a 4 to 5 month old tampon that the doctor had to retrieve, as apparently the owner couldn't find the string to pull it out. I left it in the specimen container and refused to open it. Looking through the sides, it looked like a small, dead, brown mouse. The pregnancy test came back positive. Which means someone was fucking that woman while she had a tampon in her crack for 4 to 5 months. The person who ended up dealing with the specimen in Microbiology said it took hours for the smell to clear, even though all specimens are planted under a hood like this: The plate came back with so much funky, nasty bacteria that I heard through the grapevine the woman was put on IV antibiotics to deal with it. Again, someone was fucking that. If that doesn't make you sick, what does?
I had to clean up the vomit of a woman who had just had a hysterectomy at the hospital. There must have been a gallon of it on the floor. It was green and smelled like diarrhea. That is the closest I have ever come to throwing up because of the gross factor.
Ooh ooh! I wanna play. I was in the end of my first year in x-ray school and I was working at one of the two trauma hospitals in Palm Beach County. (Delray Medical Center) A trauma alert comes over the PA system, eta 5 minutes. So everyone gets their shit together and heads over to the ER and waits. Traumas in the hospital always attract a lot of other people to come over and watch. The paramedics said it was a car accident on I-95 and the patient is a 19 year old female. She had what is commonly referred to as de-gloving injury to her left hand. Its where the flesh and skin is basically torn from the bone and all that is left is exposed bone. Evidently, her left foot was also propped up by the window when the collision happened and sent the car up onto its left side. The window shattered out and her foot went dragging along the highway at approximately 50 mph. HER FUCKING FOOT DRAGGED ALONG THE ASPHALT AT HIGHWAY SPEEDS!. What was left was the absolute grossest injury I have seen to date. Basically, the whole top of her foot was gutted out and all that was left was some mashed up bone and muscle. The toes were sorda there. The injury was so bad that she didn't even feel it. All she was concerned about was her hand. The doctor walks in and starts pointing to things that need to get amputated. Looks at her fingers..."well, those have to go." Takes one glance at the foot..."Thats gotta go too." I have to try to xray the foot. It was just a mangled mess. Any bones that were left, were just so severely broken. One of the worst smells was a diabetic foot wound that wouldn't heal. It was about a month old and had flies swarming around it.
My dad was an aircraft maintenance engineer for years. His worst story involves a twin engine, mid-wing aircraft, like this: He was working for a small airport that ran a commuter service, and he got called in early one day. Seems that a passenger got out of the aircraft and turned the wrong way on the wing, while the engine was idling. Which meant the prop was spinning. The passenger basically walked into a spinning prop. It turned into an "all hands on deck" to clean the aircraft. He puked almost non-stop, and couldn't eat for a couple days. This was in the late-60's, and there was no such thing as a biohazard cleaning company, and he said the medical examiner didn't want anything to do with it... just signed off on accidental death and said "have fun". Needless to say, the SOP for passenger egress was modified shortly thereafter.