The Sibling Thread

I have one sibling, a sister two years older than me.

I did have a brother six years older, but he died when I was a freshman in high school (15 years ago), and he was a junior in college. It was at a time when he was finally starting to see me as a brother, and not just a little kid that annoyed him. We had started to have talks about girls, about music, and he started to respect my opinions. A lot of who I am today is because of him. I feel like I remember less about him each day.
He whistled a lot. He went to school for Roman History, and knew a shit-ton about it. He knew when he was right, and wouldn't stop if he thought that something needed to be done (He was an RA at his college, and he wouldn't stop until all RAs had first aid training, in case it was needed - he actually rewrote the RA manual). His CD collection is the reason I have such an eclectic taste in music. I remember the way he held his breath when he had an asthma attack and used his inhaler. He usually wore a ball cap, but he kept his hair a little longer and always parted it, even under the cap. I have this image of him laughing, taking off his cap, parting his hair and putting the cap back on.
When we took our last family vacation together, my mom said that she heard me, my brother, and my dad talking, and couldn't tell our voices apart.
He told me, before he died, that he was afraid of talking to girls (he never dated anyone). He was worried that Mom thought he was gay. He told me "Don't wait to do anything. I know you're young and you've been 'dating' or whatever, but live your life, so you're not afraid to later." That was the last time we talked, before he left for college again.
He died of Autoerotic Asphyxiation, which kind of fucked me up a little - from a small town, I had to deal with people asking "how can you die of 'accidental hanging'" and not letting the subject go, while also knowing that half of the people who didn't ask already knew, since there's a local hospital and I'm sure that a lot of gossip ran through it. But now, I openly tell people, because I think that it's something that should be addressed, like drugs or alcohol. I don't beat a drum and proclaim it, but I tell people if I'm talking about him.

His death ripped my family apart - my mom and dad became distant (with us and each other), and later I found out that my parents were both separately considering divorce when I was going to go to college. They ended up mending things and stayed together until my mom passed away five years ago.

My sister and I retreated into high school relationships and activities, but the way our birthdays landed, we were only a year apart in our grades, and so we were both in the band together, and got along really well. Before my brother died, we were close, but always fighting. Afterward, we became really close. We both went to school in Boston, and would get to see each other frequently. I've always been one of the first to know about anything in her life - she was married, and had two kids, and then came to me when things fell apart to admit that she was a lesbian, and had been trying to ignore it for years. She was scared I'd be mad because our family has always leaned to the conservative side, but I told her that I wanted her to be happy, and didn't give a shit if it was a man or woman. She was obviously not happy with her husband, and that's what mattered. And her girlfriend is awesome, and is more family that her husband ever was.

Sorry for the randomness...don't usually post on her about that shit, but I'm trying not to lurk.

 

I'm the middle child, brother 4 years older and sister 7 years younger. My brother and I were close until he went to high school and became a self-absorbed pompous ass and we drifted apart. My sister, the Princess, was the apple of my father's eye who got anything and everything. She had him wrapped around her finger and liked to flaunt it behind his back but in my and my brother's faces. My brother became estranged from the family for a variety of reasons (but mainly due to my father's attitude towards his wife) and he wasn't even invited to my sister's wedding. The last time I saw either of them was at my father's funeral 5 years ago. It was in North Carolina the day after Thanksgiving and my brother flew in the day before Thanksgiving and spent the holiday by himself, stating that he wasn't invited to our Mom's house for Thanksgiving. Yes, hard-headedness runs deep in my family. My brother was killed in a car crash 3 years ago this month and I was the only one from our family who attended the wake and funeral. My sister and I only speak when a matter concerning my mother's welfare requires it. I wish it were different, and I've made many attempts to have some kind of amicable relationship with her, but she wouldn't even Friend me on Facebook. Fortunately, my wife has a very close family and they've made me feel more a part of their family than my own has, especially my father-in-law, since he had a similar experience when he and my mother-in-law married.

 

I have one brother who is four years younger than me. Growing up I had cousins who were closer in age to me (two years older and 4 months older) who were more like my brothers than my real brother until my brother and I moved out of the house when I was a senior in high school and he was in 8th grade. As I've mentioned on here before, I'm originally from Wyoming but moved to Denver with my brother so that he could play a higher level of hockey. Neither of my parents moved with us becuase of their jobs. Fortunately they made enough money to rent us a condo in Denver and paid for everything while we were there for a year. All I had to do was cook, clean, and drive my brother to school and hockey practice and workouts. My mom would drive down from Wyoming on the weekends to stay with us and I would be absolved of any duty to take care of him for the weekend. Anyway, it was during this time that we grew really close. We did everything together. Unless I was snowboarding I went to all of his games and the majority of his practices. Our parents didn't allow us to tell anyone except my brother's team that we were living alone so I really didn't have many friends during this time, nor did I want to spend time making friends with kids as a senior.

My brother also lived with me when he was a senior in high school and I was a senior in college. So, in total, we spent nearly two years living together alone. Those two years were perhaps the best two years of my life and definitely lead to us being best friends. He is entering his junior year of college and we see eachother a few times each semester. We used to talk on the phone daily even when he was playing for a few years on the east coast but don't anymore because of our schedules. We each know that we are flawed and call eachother out on everything. This will occassionally lead to us getting into fights and beating the shit out of eachother but then we're all good and we can go back to being best friends (immature, I know). We have completely different personalities that somehow get along swimmingly with minor exceptions.

 

Threads like these are honestly why I keep coming back, even if I don't post much.

I have one brother, 3 years younger. We got along fine as little kids and only really fought during the year or two period when I had hit puberty and he hadn't yet. I used to call him Little Webster, cause his junk was the size of a Webster pocket dictionary. He didn't like that.

We are close now, but since he's in PA and I'm in NC we don't see each other much outside of holidays. The great part about our relationship is that no matter how long we are apart, it's like no time has passed once we get together again. My GF met him last summer and inside of 10 minutes was laughing her ass off at a story about how he threw up on a stripper in a parking lot trailer strip club. She turned to me afterwords and said, "Yup, definitely your brother".

He was very quiet and intellectually insecure as a child, but has really found himself over the last 5+ years and grown into a pretty cool guy. It also turns out he's very smart and intuitive with anything tech based, something that didn't show up until he got to high school. I love him and I'm very proud of the person he's becoming.

 

Oldest child and only girl growing up.
My brothers and I fought like cats and dogs. Rumble tumble. We were like what I imagine three lab puppies playing together must be like. ALL. THE. TIME.

Then we became adults.

I'm closer to my brothers than I am to pretty much anyone else.
Brother A has made a success of his career with the military in a way most would envy, and has four absolutely gorgeous, smart, delightful children.
Brother B has also made a success of his Army career, in a completely different branch. He's got a good life with two kids who took him by surprise and a wife who understands that sometimes he needs a breath to get his head right.

Both brothers are honest, intelligent, giving, fair men, with a shared sense of right and wrong. Both are opinionated and stubborn. Both appreciate good whiskey, good beer, and good cigars. Both appreciate their families.

I respect and adore my brothers, and I have their respect.


My sister - she's 17 years younger than me - I don't know her very well, we don't and have never lived together, but she's becoming a pretty rad chick in her own right.

 

I have been releuctant to post, as I'm ambivalent about my younger sibling. I have one sister who is several years younger than me. She and I are very, very different people, and have little in common. She isn't much of a family person, unless she needs something, or unless it plays into drama or other's perception of her. She also does little or nothing to help out with taking care of my mother. If any of you are in a similar situation, you know that this, more than anything, can build resentment between siblings.

When I was younger i often wished that i was an only child - she was always combative, difficult, and annoying. Most people would call it "Bitchy". Sometimes I feel guilty about my feelings towards her, but I prefer to keep her at arms reach. Coincidentally, I am meeting her for a few beers after work today (her idea). Honestly, I'm dreading it. Maybe she'll surprise me, but I anticipate loud, attention-getting bitching, some mind-numbing stupidity, and perhaps some drama thrown in.

My daughter is an only child, and will remain so, unless I can get those body parts in the basement sewn together and re-animated. I sometimes feel guilty about this, also, as she defintely wants a brother or sister. We usually hold her off by telling her that siblings aren't necessarily all they're cracked up to be. And that if she does get a brother or sister, we will give them all of her toys, and love them more. That shuts her up.

 

My brother is only 13 months older than I am. Growing up, we often hung out with a lot of the same friends. We always got along, but only after we both moved out did we become best friends. He initially moved to Europe, while I stayed closer to home but now I live across the country and he lives a few hours from our parents. We usually chat via text, Skype or Facebook a few times a week.

Despite having some major differences (he's still very religious and I'm not), we have so much in common. Our sense of humor is our main shared trait - we frequently have conversations consisting of only Simpsons or King of the Hill quotes. We also have a lot of shared interests like travel and fashion.

I admire my brother's charisma. He has this ability to instantly become friends or find common ground with anyone, whereas I am very shy initially. I'm also very proud of him for how far he's come academically; he was kind of a slacker in high school and is now majoring in engineering and doing very well. He is also one of the kindest people I have ever met and would do anything for anyone.

When it comes to guys, I value my brother's opinion greatly. He finally met my boyfriend after two years and they get along very well. One day he will make some lucky girl very happy when he decides he is ready to settle down.

 

I have two brothers. Well, one and a half. Both younger. The middle was with whom I spent my childhood with. We were shuttled between parents and caretakers from when I was 4 to right before I turned 14 before we moved to Hawaii to be with my mom. After about a year, we got a call from my father. He had married (again) and was looking for us to move back with him (again) in the hope that we could be a nuclear family (again). Not only that, he wanted us to move to the Philippines boondocks. I decided that I wasn't going to step foot into any country where blackouts were a daily occurrence and running water was a luxury. He went. I didn't see him again for 7 years.

My mom told me that when he first came home from the hospital, I was intensely jealous. We fought constantly. My father usually sided with him whenever we had arguments. However, I would consistently beat the living piss out of anybody that laid a hand on him at school. Since we were constantly moving, I took my job as protector seriously. I felt like nobody else had his best interests in mind, so I had to do it. It's made us extremely close. When he left, I felt like I had a hole in my chest. When he came back, he seemed an entirely different person. He even had a strong Filipino accent and could speak fluent Tagalog. He's a musician now, despite having pretty much no inclination towards music when we were together as kids. It took a while, but that bond we had when we had as kids came back. He still calls me whenever he has problems. Whether it be his wife, or the fact that she's 9 months pregnant right now.

As for the youngest, I really don't have much of a relationship with him. He was my mom's youngest with her second husband. He got custody and moved to Virginia. He joined the Air Force a few years ago and is now stationed in Japan fixing jet engines. We've hung out a few times, notably when he was 16 and came to Hawaii for a week. He stayed with my brother and I in the apartment we rented from my mom. We got him drunk and drew shit all over him. He's essentially got my personality but has my brother's creative ability.

 

My relationship with my brother is extraordinarily complicated.

He's 11 years younger than I am. When he was born my mother saw me as a built in babysitter and whenever she scuttled off to her various bullshit activities during the week (at least four nights a week) the kid was thrust upon me. It didn't usually bother me until I got into high school and suddenly babysitting him always vetoed going out with my friends or boyfriend. After a while, I got to be angry enough that I would basically ignore him while I was babysitting. My mother was a social climbing phony, my father was a drunk that spent 12 hours or more at work and then at some lowlife bar. I should've been better since he was so little, but being a bitter, angry teenager, the best I could do was plunk him in front of the TV and say "I'm in my room. Stay out of the kitchen, only come bother me if you really need me." It's not something I'm happy to admit I've done.

However, when I left for college, things improved. I was 18, he was 7. I developed this crazy mama bear protectiveness toward him and woe unto anyone that looked at him funny. At Thanksgiving my junior year of college he wrote an essay called "What I Am Thankful For" as part of a class assignment. It was about me and how happy he was that we were siblings. I still have it to this day.

Our relationship changed forever when I was 24 and he was 13. After I finally came clean to my family about the years of abuse I had put up with from my shitbag needs to die in a fire ex-boyfriend, my brother looked at me and said "I don't care what Waste of Life did to you. He's my friend and I'm going to stay his friend. And you can't stop me." My parents would not intervene, blaming me for allowing the two to become friends. My mother looked at me afterward and said "This is what you deserve after the way you treated him as a kid."

As I've gotten older and wiser I have come to realize he's got no friends and so socially awkward he had to cling to a lousy excuse for a human as a friend. He's not worldly enough to understand my ex is only friendly with him to this day (ten years later) because he wants to get back at me, not because he genuinely likes my brother. He just turned 23 two days ago and has no job, an associates degree in communications he never plans to use and is using his college fund money (that my stupid fuck parents gave him access to) on Yankees tickets and other such stupidity. No one is forcing him to get a job and my parents are so frightened of driving him away like they did me they cater to his every whim.

My brother and I get along these days and we can cling together in certain situations, but every single time I go home for a visit we'll inevitably clash on some issue. It's a shame, because we were so close when I was in college and away from that toxic environment and now we have a sort of talk by text relationship.

Goddammit, who the hell is chopping onions? I need a tissue.

 

I have a couple sibling questions:

1. Is the "good" kid always given harsher punishment? My wife and a couple others claim this rumour as fact.

2. Are the younger siblings often treated more fairly by parents?

 

Re: Re: The Sibling Thread

1. The older kid is always punished more.
2. My younger brother got away with fucking everything, my parents deny it to this day but they ain't fooling me.

It's just me and my younger brother, we are really close, best man at my wedding, he has always been cool.

We talk more now than we have in a long time, I guess getting a little older will do that.

 

Older kids are punished more and held to a higher standard. I think part of this is unintentional because they are the experiment. As more children are produced, parents seem to get more lenient, partly becuase they figure out what matters and what doesn't. Younger kids are given a long fucking leash. My brother could do all sorts of shit that I never would have. My mom knows this is true but that's just the way babies of the family go. Everyone, even the older kids, spoils them and adores them from the time they are born. They never have to be responsible for anyone and are never under the scrutiny that the oldest is under. Middle children often slip under the radar and can be the real problem children. Nearly every middle child I know is the trouble maker of their family (if there is one) and is often a child that parents have the most problems with.

 

Re: Re: The Sibling Thread

Only child here, I think I would have liked siblings seeing how close my parents and friends are to theirs, but I don't really care that much, especially knowing how much time, effort and money went in to having me (early IVF days).

My fiance is the opposite of most stories, she got along great with her brother when they were kids but now that they're grown ups they despise each other, largely because she's a pull herself by her own bootstraps type person and he's a "mom and dad will bail me out" type person. I liked him when I met him, but haven't seen him in a few years and as long as the stories (just his actions, I could care less about the who gets more from mom and dad rivalry they have) I hear aren't grossly exaggerated it sounds like I would probably hate him too now. It's really a shame, because she was so happy I got to meet him early in our relationship, but everything just soured over time.

I think it's less expectation and more... I don't want to call it apathy, because that's not what it is, but maybe more flexibility for the second child. A lot of parents are afraid of making mistakes on their first go around so they tend to be overprotective of the first kid, then once they realize even though it didn't go perfectly as planned and everything still turned out alright they loosen up with the second kid.

 

That's also a good answer as.to why us only kids have strict, risk-avoiding parents.

 

Very true. If it wasn't for the intervention of my grandparents I would've been miserable. They pretty much took over raising me and allowed me to do all the bat shit crazy shit I wanted that my over protective mother would never allow. Bat shit crazy things like playing sports, riding my bike, and visiting friends.

 

I always got in trouble more when we see younger because I was expected to be the older and wiser sibling. Pretty much, she could do whatever she wanted and I got shit because "she's just a little girl".

It was different in the teenage years. She has a curfew when I didn't. I pretty much had no rules and she was under lock and key which was "totally unfair!" She once said to my parents, "Just because he's a friendless loser doesn't mean I should have more rules!" That was some painful shit.

 

Only child here. I'm a very independent person and tend to highly value my own space and privacy, so I don't know if I would've handled having siblings very well. On the other hand, it's quite possible that had I siblings my proximity to them would've shaped who I became to be and I wouldn't be as strong of loner as I am.

My mother got remarried a few years ago and her new husband has several kids of his own, so I technically have step-siblings, but I've as much interaction with them as I do my distant relatives I see only once a decade at family reunions. I frankly don't have any real interest in forming any closer bonds with them, considering the two I see with any regularity are just becoming teenagers, and the other two are adults my own age who live on the west coast and have their own lives.

My only real concern is that if I end up like Toytoy's aunt (or my grandmother, who has dementia) I'm fucked, because I won't have any family members to take care of me. So I gotta make sure I have enough money to pay people to take care of my invalid ass.