The reason: Irreconcilable differences

Motivated by the "farewell fuck" thread, and by the fact that many of you sad fucks have lead some intriguing lives, and that many of you are also miserably/happily divorced or have ended long term relationships. I'm fairly young, so I want to know what to expect with the whole long-term deal. I've only ended one serious relationship (the rest were under 3 months, and faded away into a platonic state) Also, reading about people's misfortunes makes me feel better about what little I've accomplished.

Pertinent alt. focus info:

Spoiler

Now, I am dating a woman 7 years my senior, and she's talkin' all "I want a baby soon" and shit. She's very successful, making easily 80 grand at a decent company, and for whatever reason likes my broke ass very much. She's very attractive, but almost 30, which freaks me the fuck out. All her lame friends are pumping out kids left and right, and I feel as if I am wasting her time and precious baby making years. Now, I'm not sure if I should stick with it for the long haul, or break it off citing "I'm too young, find some professional dude who wants kids".

Note: "bitch was crazy" and "cheating whore" are not valid responses. Please elaborate.

FOCUS: If you were in my shoes, 22 and about to graduate college, dating an older woman who's near ready to abandon the good life and settle for a family/career, what would you do? Keep in mind we've only been dating 8 months, so it's not too serious, but not too casual either.

Edit: I also put in the "Crazy fuck buddy" thing because I was fucking around with one insane broad for about 6 months here and there. I kept telling her "we'll see what happens" and she interpreted that as "we will date and fall in love". Boy was she wrong, which lead her to pulling the "I might be pregnant" maneuver. After it was cleared, I never talked to her again. That's just a dick move, ladies, don't do it.

 

Sorry Mr. Richy Richpants. When you're 22 and in college 80k a year might as well be a million.

Focus: Just follow your heart, and your dreams will come true. And make sure she isn't skipping on the birth control or poking holes in the connies.

 

Code:

I'll ignore my own sad sob-stories and ask you:

Yes, this seems grand now. However. When she's 40 and starting to physically decline...how will you feel about this? You'll be 32...but most of your friends will be dating younger. How will you feel about this in ten years? Twenty?

And while most respondents here pretend that they are too cool for such concerns...do you love her?

 

If you are a broke ass college student and you found some woman who is willing to fuck you...
Chater was right this is retarded. You're gonna take advice from strangers on a web site called "The Idiot Board"?


And who's the bigger idiot, you for asking or me for answering?

 

I question the judgment of an "extremely successful" woman who thinks that procreating with a 22 year old who is still in college is a good idea.

 

You had to even take the time to think of this to know it isn't a good idea?

 

I'm 22. That's the disclaimer.

"... for whatever reason likes my broke ass...": You might want to be sure the reason isn't "My biological clock is ticking and any warm bodied male will do" because committing to that at 22 is the best way I know of becoming a divorced 24 year old.

 

No, you say "I think we are at different places in our lives and I am nowhere near ready to give you the committment that you seem to be looking for, so we need to discuss if continuing this relationship is in your best interests."

 

I can't say myself but I'll pass on something my father, a small town lawyer who handles a lot of divorces, many of them between his close friends, has repeated to me ad nauseum for as long as I can remember. I'm pretty sure he was saying it before I was even seven:

"Rule one. Marry well and carefully, remember, smart and cheerful lasts. Rule two. Never have kids before you're thirty."

I can't personally speak to the validity of that, but my old man's been right there in the trenches for a whole lot of marital breakdowns and he went out of his way to make that advice like a nursery rhyme to me.

 

I'm going through something similar to this. The difference is I'm already married.

I'm 22 married to a 27 year old. He is ready to have kids in the worst way. I'm 22 so it's pretty far off my radar. We've been married for almost four years (yes I got married when I was 19.) It's an ongoing fight that I continue to put off. I can barely take care of myself, the last thing I need is a little person relying on me for everything. Regardless of my hesitation, we are in no way in the right place financially to provide for a child. He should be mature enough to realize this.

So definitely don't tie yourself down to a situation you're not prepared for. You're 22, you should be going out, having fun, and fucking anything that walks. Start thinking about getting married and having a family in a few years, definitely don't rush into anything, especially if you're hesitant.

 

Christ, if you're 22 and thinking about getting serious and having a child with anyone, you're frigging nuts. I have yet to meet the 22 year old male that's even close to mature enough to be in a serious relationship, let alone ready to be a parent.

And, you're still in college? Dude, you have so many ups and downs to experience that all go into making you who you will become. You seem somewhat intelligent; grow into the man I'm guessing you'll become and then you'll be ready to be a good husband and a great father - when you're ready.

Where did this idea ever get started that if you produce a baby, you are automatically a man, not a boy, or a woman, not a girl?

 

Actually I think if you produce a baby you've scored a cheap source of protein.

Dude, you're not even 25. You're not even halfway to your mid-life crisis yet. Chill the fuck out, drink your fucking shots, and fuck some random horny 22 year olds. Life is that simple.

 

I'm tempted to just make fun of you, in fact I've re-written this opening sentence several times, and have decided, for the sake of a potentially screwed up future child, and that of humanity, to give you some sound advice.... Are you fucking crazy! RUN. Run far, far, far away and don't look back. Go to school, fuck lots of girls your own age (using protection, of course), and drink till you liver begs you to stop. Do this until you get complete fed up with it, then, maybe, get married. When and if you do, still think twice about having children. I'm 40 and, for the most part, I envy the lives of you college age fuckers.

 

Why not focus on yourself and avoid falling into complacency, work on making 80k a year on your own. THEN go find you a little 22 year old honey. To expect someone so much more emotionally mature than you to nurture your development through your 20s is a pipe dream. She doesn't want you to change from who you are now, and if you don't you'll resent her a few years down the road. I'd take the odds on her stunting your development as a person.

Spoiler

I got $20 he stays with her no matter what we say.

 

I am in a somewhat similar situation as far as being with a woman at a different stage in life, except her window is almost shut at 38, and I'm 23. The main reason it's a long-distance situation and nothing more is the practicality of her being a career woman in her earning prime (Well in to the 6 figures), whereas I'm about to be incurring that much in debt for law school starting in the fall. How would we support a child, even in our situation, which I would consider favorable to the average people our age? It's not practical.

What happens if your lady decides she wants to be a stay at home mom? What if she truly bonds with the fetus she will be carrying in her belly for the 9 months of her pregnancy? (I say it this way because barring complications that's what should happen) That income dries up. Even if she's able to go back after 9 months, what if her job isn't waiting for her, which could also happen for various reasons. You're going to come out of uni in debt, having to provide for your wife and kid now, and unless you're in the top 10-15% of your class, what job is going to provide you the money to do that?

Ask your lady what she thinks about those things? Has she considered them? Maybe if your lady is just jealous (for whatever reason?) of her friends popping out their little poop factories, some reality will get her over it. I think it's kind of rash to say run far away, see how serious she is. If she does seem to be serious about having a child, let her know you aren't at a place in life where that is sensible.

I don't agree with all the "just bang horny 22 year olds" logic on here. It seems like if that is what you wanted, and correct me if I'm wrong, but it seems like that's what you would be doing if that's what you wanted. If you want to be with older women that act like adults, then go for it. The catch is, you have to be an adult too, and handle adult situations like this one. I don't know if I'm being over-indulgent here or what, but like 99% of Ask Tucker threads ended, you need to talk to the person you're with, gauge the situation, and be honest about your position.

 

I'm 30. My girlfriend of over two years is 24. Neither one of us are anywhere near the point in our lives where we want to settle down and have children. There are a number of reasons why we're not slapping rings on each other and making babies, but the biggest reason is this:

We have time. We have time to date. We have time to get to know each other. Most importantly, we have time to change. The biggest changes in my personality, my preferences, my lifestyle, and my goals happened between 25 and 30. I do things now that I never, ever saw myself doing. Fuck, I'm posting on a message board at 8:00 on a Saturday night. I should be in bed by 11. I would be heading for the bar at 11 just three years ago.

Though my girlfriend isn't the first one to go to a bar, she has yet to experience those changes and I want her to. She wants too as well, before we run out and tie the knot. If we do wind up married, we want to be married for a couple of years before kids start sliding down the chute. It wouldn't surprise me in the least bit if we went 6-10 years before we seriously considered having children.

I wouldn't want to commit myself to someone who didn't feel the same way about time that I did. If you feel like you need to get married and have children in the next 24 months, have at it. From what I've experienced and from what I've seen in the lives of my friends who married early, this is a poor decision. Many of them are going through their first divorce. Some of them are already working on their second divorce. Sadly, some of them have children.

 

8 years age difference is really nothing (shes only 30, not exactly a cougar).

There are plenty of 20-something girls who want babies too. The issue is not age, but if you want a baby or not.

*shrug*

 

Consider this:

There are stark differences in the mental landscape of a man and a woman of the same age let alone separated by 8 years. While perhaps slightly extreme imagine a woman if not 8 years, 6 years your junior. What the two of you think about, dream about and understand of the world are light years apart. And while both you and this woman may perhaps both be adults you are adults at different parts of a measuring stick. The things that you'll need to undertake and undergo over the next 5 years are vastly different from her. Beyond this difference the things that you will want to understand in the next few years are best understood through your own gaze unencumbered by a child or a woman who demands you "grow up" to meet the challenges that those relationships would present you.

With all of this arm chair psychological rhetoric considered, no one can be you. No one knows your unique situation nor understands your unique needs. If this is something you want and need, go fucking get it and let all be damned who tell you otherwise. But if you feel somewhere in your being, when no one else is around, when you're by yourself in your room trying to fall asleep that this is a mistake, please listen to that voice.