Back when I was working at the local college, I had this friend, we'll call him "Dante." If you have ever seen "Clerks," the movie or the TV show, that is what he was like: a responsible, punctual, hard working, all around good employee. And I was Randall to his Dante: Irresponsible, rude, devil-may-care attitude, and always messing with Dante (but only because he was my friend). Anyway, "Dante" had this really clean 2001 Mustang GT (and he drove it like a total pussy, but that's beside the point), and he always had it washed and waxed, but he was really modest about it. So I hatched a plan: Me, "Dante", and this other co-worker friend of ours, "Silent Bob" (who was in on the prank, and does look like Kevin Smith/Silent Bob) all went out to the movies. Once the movie started (it was Terminator:Salvation), I had "Silent Bob" send me a blank text message to make my phone ring. I told "Dante" that it was my ex-wife, and this could take awhile, so I stepped out. Then I ran out to the parking lot and proceeded to plaster "Dante's" car with every tacky stick-on accessory that "Silent Bob" and I could afford! I put on: -Stick-on fender vents -A stick-on hood scoop ON TOP OF THE EXISTING HOOD SCOOP -A sticker of the virgin Mary on the middle of the rear windshield -His name in old-English letters around the virgin Mary (Bonus laugh: I accidentally misspelled his name) -A blinking naked lady hood ornament -"Turbo" decal on the trunk -"SIZE MATTERS" sticker next to the turbo decal -"gold" plated naked Lady license plate frame -and the coup de grace: a windshield banner that said "PIMP" across the top of the front windshield. I was laughing like a lunatic the whole time, and when the security guard came by, I told him I was "Pimping my friends ride." That was a good enough explanation for him, and he putted off in his golf cart. Then I rushed back inside. When we got out, I made sure that we were all parked in the same general area, and we made plans to go to a local bar to shoot some pool. The parking lot wasn't very well lit, so "Dante" didn't notice what was done at first, (that, and because we snuck a bottle of Jack into the movie) so I said: "Dante, you pimped your ride! It looks slick!" He just stood there silent, staring at what had happened to his car. After about 30 seconds, he spoke: "Bandit, I didn't ask for this." Me (playing dumb): "Wait, you mean YOU didn't do this?" Dante: "I didn't ask for this Bandit." Me: "You think I did this?" Dante: "You were gone for a long time." Me: "Yeah, I was on the phone with the ex, you know how she is. It was probably some punk kids; it coulda happened to anyone, even me!" Dante: "I didn't ask for this Bandit." Then he got in his car and left. He wouldn't answer anyones' calls for the rest of the weekend (this was on a Friday). When Monday rolled around, he had taken most of the stuff off, and "Silent Bob" and I brought him a bottle of that stuff you use to remove those decals, and we offered to take them off and then have his car washed and detailed afterward, AND HE DECLINED (I guess maybe he was afraid we were gonna do something worse?). Anyway, we are all cool now, and "Dante" actually apologized TO ME for the way he acted. I told him I wouldn't have even gotten pissed off (too badly) if he had punched me/tried to kick my ass (I could totally take him, but I'd let him get some shots in), but he insists to this day that he acted out badly. Damn that guy is a doormat. I love the guy like a brother, but he never stands up for himself. FOCUS: Pranks, April Fool's Day or otherwise.
I always have a jumper wire in my truck in case I get a chance to wire someone's brake light to their horn. Watching them drive away is usually pretty hilarious. Another good one is to take those huge zip ties and tie them around their drive shaft, so when they start moving it sounds like something is seriously wrong with their vehicle. Or just take a shit in a box and mail it to them.
My best ever practical joke was an accident. About 15 years ago my mate let me shag my then girlfriend in his bed, I repaid this kindness by dropping the tied off condom between the bed and the wall and then forgetting all about it. It apparently landed on his secret porno stash only to be discovered one night about a week later when he was working his way up to a little self abuse. Apparently the smell made him dry reach. When he shared the story a few nights later his intent was clearly to shame me in front of a bunch of mates, he still seemed traumatised. He seemed truly hurt that everyone thought it was the funniest thing they had ever heard. The more outraged he became the funnier it got. He tried to piss on me a few months later as payback, he missed and ended up looking stupid hanging from the rafters of a shed with his dick out. We were really mature 21 year olds.
Me and some buddies used to pull lots of pranks on classmates back in high school. It's funny how putting a 5 lb. carp in a person's hot tub and setting enough fireworks at 3 am to wake up the entire neighborhood will get people pissed off at you... I used to saran-wrap cars with a can of Axe or another godawful smelling spray handy. If you spray it right against the wrap and put a layer of plastic over it, whoever removes the plastic wrap won't need to worry about deodorant for the next couple of days.
None of the ones I have performed weren't without provocation. But revenge should be as cold as ice, and aside from my notorious "gasoline" prank followed by the not well-recieved "blood" prank, I have made a few others: - In high school I substituted the sleeve of gum in a normal gum pack for laxitive gum-- and believe me, that shit is evil-- and awaited for lying, thieving locker partner to steal it. She didn't come to school for three days following first period and refused to say why Self high-five. - A guy that shoved my friend at a concert went for a port-o-potty break, I had stalked him to the location and when he sat down, I fired a full tallboy can down the exhaust vent, which goes directly down a pipe into the "collection area" and splashes up into his taint, he comes crashing out the door with pants around the knees and his asscheeks stained blue in a perfect oval. Forty people saw this at least, but shamefully a time before cell phone cameras. My buddy bought drinks the rest of the night. - One of my few girlfriends cheated on me on Valentine's Day. I wrote "NEXT" on her front lawn in ten foot letters with motor oil.
Well, right now the dicks at 4chan are trying to convince everybody that Bruno Mars came out of the closet today. Apparently some people have already come out of the closet as a result of this. It's trending on Twitter right now. #supportbruno. Check out this too, but I doubt it'll stay live for long.
I know fuck all about cars, so I don't know if the process is similar, but a friend did something similar where he made so another friend's car honked every time he turned left. This friend also knew fuck all about cars so he was stuck pissing everyone and their mother off until he had time to take it to a shop. I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life as I did when I was in the passenger seat of that car. Watching everyone become furious at him and him trying to explain, when the only means of communication is gesticulation was priceless.
Speaking of cars, here's a good one: Take a roll of that yellow caution tape, unroll it, and tie one end to either the rear axle or inside the rear bumper of a car. Take the rest, crumple it up into a big wad and shove it all up behind the bumper so it can't be seen from above. When the vehicle gets up to speed, the tape will get sucked out and the car will have a 100 foot long tail attached to it. It works best on idiots who don't use their mirrors. I did this to my buddy's girlfriend one time and she drove down 80 miles of interstate with that shit flapping around back there and her dumb ass never noticed.
This year, my little brother and my dad played a prank on my mom where they locked all the doors to the house, turned off all the lights, and pretended they were not home. My brother is 10 and my dad is trying to keep his child-like wonder into his 50s. They only locked her out long enough for her to walk from the front door to the back door, but everyone was overly excited about the prank (including my mother)
I've posted about this before. But the best prank I've ever seen was on an agricultural college where I was doing a short contract. A couple of the instructors had a few drinks and decided to play a prank on one of their colleagues. They took a couple of feet of cow intestine from a butchery short course, and stuffed it into the exhaust pipe of their victim's car. Unfortunately their victim was something of an evil genius. He waited a few days for them to think they'd gotten away with it. And then came in one night and strung 300 yards of cow intestine with det cord, and hung the resulting chain of wonder around the tree line of a certain clearing. The clearing where the two guys who pranked him were teaching a cattle midwifing short course the next day. The next morning, while the two instructors and 50 students were all shoulder deep in cattle, checking for pregnancy, he blew the detcord, raining smouldering lumps of rotting cow intestine and half digested cow shit down on the people in the clearing. The hobbled cattle couldn't stampede, but they could all clench down on the men who were shoulder deep inside them, and in panic from the sound, in almost perfect unison, collectively shit and piss themselves. Conveniently also shitting and pissing all over the trapped men behind them. Most of the trapped guys promptly puked. Most of them ended up puking onto the cattle. And if you've ever worked in a dairy or something - you'll understand that trapped behind a cow that's in the middle of shitting and pissing isn't a great time to have your mouth open. By far the most epic prank or revenge I've ever seen.
Unless your Mom weighs about 700 pounds and it takes her an hour to walk there, this is probably the most boring prank in the history of the world.
Walking from the front door to the back door of my house is really inconvenient. There is a fence around my yard, and you have to walk to the bottom of a hill to get in the gate, then you have to walk back up a hill to get through the yard, and finally up a bunch of steps to get to the back door. For some reason, no one has thought to put in a gate at the top of the hill. Also, my mom has a notoriously heavy purse.
This pretty much sums up what I think about pranks: <a class="postlink" href="http://www.daysattheofficeblog.blogspot.co.uk/2012/04/fool.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.daysattheofficeblog.blogspot ... /fool.html</a> They just aren't funny on April Fool's day.
Classic Bed Pranks I've Used: - Un-make bed, put box spring ON TOP of mattress, re-make bed. Wait for screams of agony. - Shortsheeting: fold sheet in half and tuck lower underside of sheet in like it's the bottom sheet, making the top half look like the regular bed sheet (there has to be a quilt or comforter on top to hide the fold). Then, caulk the inside of the fold at the crease with an entire tube of toothpaste (or vasoline drom a squeeze bottle if you really want a supreme freak-out). Person will get in bed and drive their feet right into the toothpaste. - Wait until person falls asleep, and cover entire bed with plastic spiders and snakes (a fave of mine). Don't do this on a bed that's against the wall unless you want to also give the target a skull fracture when they wake. - One my hulking friends like to pull on me: wait until target falls asleep, bring large men in the room, put hands under mattress and catapult target across the room, waking him while airbourne. - Fill nowl with luke-warm water, place target's hand in bowl, then place frayed electric cord from the lamp in bowl with it. Wait for hilarious reaction. Okay, I didn't do that one yet, but try it out and tell me how it went.