My current girlfriend and I have a fantastic sex life, but seeing how she is a few years older and has a respectable career (and standards), our sex doesn't venture from the bed or couch. This got me thinking about previous encounters, and I've realized that I have fucked in a plethora of strange places. Friend's houses while they are there/asleep near by, a hot tub while another friend was sitting 5 feet away, a recording studio, several vehicles that didn't belong to me, public bathrooms, the girl's relatives house while she was house sitting, the great out doors, on a boat owned by my ex's father, and a few other not so interesting but irregular places. My favorite one has to be when I convinced my ex we needed to do the deed...in the back seat of my old car, a nissan sentra. During a snowstorm, in the abysmal Chicago winter a few years back. Guess it's a step up from a VW bug. FOCUS: Where's the most unusual or uncomfortable place you've screwed? For the lone wolves out there, what's the oddest 'bating location you've rubbed one out at?
In the wheelhouse of a boat, with the new one, next to the old one. Don't recommend it (still feel bad about it)
In a hostel's bar. The bar was open to the back yard, and in turn the street, on one side. On the other was a bank of windows that looked into the dorm rooms. God only knows who saw us...at least it was late at night.
Over the back of a bench on the edge of Tallulah Gorge in NE Georgia. My wife and I were on our way back to Atlanta from an anniversary trip to the mountains without the kids. It was on Sunday afternoon in broad daylight. I don't know how we didn't get caught, and in fact we were probably seen if there were people on the other side of the canyon. Yes, my wife is awesome.
Once a year the carnival rolls into town. During one visit, after spending an entire ride on the Ferris Wheel getting finger banged, I pulled my boyfriend behind one of the equipment trailers for some action. Such class.
On the 10 foot diving board at the Edinburg, TX municipal water park. Call bullshit if you want, my ex wife* will corroborate this. We used to sneak into the park after midnight on summer nights and go skinny dipping there. (warning: Sex in a pool is not as much fun as you think it will be.) And by skinny dipping, I mean having sex on as much stuff as possible, and then laying back in the pool. -Life guards' chairs, making sure to pull out and leave a mess on the seat? Check. (the lifeguards there were assholes) -On the lifeguards' desk? Check. -on fold out lawn chairs? Check. - At the top of "The Whopper?" (a 30' tall water slide donated by Burger King) Check. But I would have to say best of all was on the high dive, then doing a cannon ball into the pool in city darkness. *The Ice Cream Cake Girl. This is back when we sort of got along.
One girlfriend and I had sex lots of strange places, and risky places (8pm on a Friday night in a mall parking garage) However this stands out: One night while out I threw her up here and went to town. this sign is on top of this hill in Malibu:
I used to be a homeless bum, so pretty much every time me and my girl got down it was in a weird place. Hes a brief list of the places that stand out the most to me. --The periodical section of the Santa Cruz library. We were seen by some old lady, but managed to get out through the fire exit before she was able to get security. --On the roof of the Royal Taj Indian food restaurant during business hours. --Behind some bushes late one night at the 'little red church; in downtown Santa Cruz. The organist was rehearsing at the time which was about as romantic as it gets. We swear this is where we conceived our daughter. --On the Odwalla beverage loading dock on some palettes. --In the back of U-Haul trucks at the U-Haul rental spot --several times. --At the clocktower on the end of Pacific Ave downtown at 4 in the morning. --In the bushes at probably a dozen or so different spots all along the San Lorenzo river. --On the infamous "trestle" where they filmed that one scene in "Lost Boys". --In a huge bin of aged bread at Beckmann's Old World Bakery. Soft as a pillow. Those were the days.
We were driving around my then boyfriend's (later to be my husband) old neighborhood. We were doing the this is where I went to elementary school, this is where I used to play baseball tour. When we got to the house where he grew up we got to talking about how he never got laid while living in that house. He moved out when he was 16. So we pulled around the back alley, parked in the driveway (it was late) and went to town. Probably not a very interesting or funny story, but I just kept wondering what we would say if we got caught by the new owners. "I masturbated a lot when I lived in your house sir. I'm sorry. Just wanted to see what it could have been like."
The strangest place was out at a party in the country, in the cab of a combine. I don't know whose it was, but it sure came in handy that night. I made sure she left her panties on the steering wheel. I'm sure the owner appreciated that gesture.
I did a chick in the ass on the hood of my car on the side of the 101 freeway at 2 a.m. during a rainstorm. Yes, it was hot. No bullshit.
In college, in a stairwell. Multiple times. Classy. I regret it now because it's such a stupid and embarrassing thing to do. I never even brag about it, it's too weird when I think about it.
A few years back I had an ex who wanted to keep the physical side going after we broke up. Me being male and with a heartbeat, and no better prospects, agreed. Occasionally we'd meet up at lunch and do the deed. One day she didn't have much time, so we couldn't get to either of our houses. Instead we parked in the nearest parking lot and climbed in the back of my car. Even though the windows have a heavy tint, we were the only one there and the car was rocking more than a little bit. The council guys doing the lawns nearby were nice enough to not look too hard.
On the steps of an elementary school in Shipbottom, NJ last summer. The place looked like a G from above, and the steps we used were on the inside curve and not visible from the street.
After a night in Little Italy in NYC I did it in the back of a taxi on our ride across the city. How awful/awesome.
I got a Blow Job while driving a tractor, for those wondering how GPS and auto steer. I guess I'm now the forum redneck since the mutt gave up his status. I had sex on a pool table in a bar that was open, but the table was in a separate room that nobody was in 'till later that night...
Top of the Race Control Tower at Brainerd International Raceway during the Heavy Weight Super Sport Trophy Dash. That particular ex liked me way more than I liked her, and was willing to do a lot of ridiculous shit because of it.
Ex-gf and I managed to get down in an assortment of unusual locales: -Had a fight in the car, made up, pulled off the highway to have make-up sex in a cornfield -The next day, went at it again in a stand of trees at Warren Dunes State Park in the middle of the day -I have a shack on a lake in Michigan, and in the middle of that lake is a sandbar. One year, when the water was only 1-2 feet over the sandbar, we did it in the style of the dog right out there, in the middle of a small lake, in the middle of the night. Anyone with a decent flashlight could have illuminated the proceedings. Apparently, the water was at the perfect depth so that the splashing hit just the right spot -On the roof of the Psychology building at the University of Michigan -In the middle of the creek that runs along the south side of Miami University's campus, in broad daylight. Yay reunion weekends. -In the short-term parking garage at Detroit Wayne County Airport, in the middle of a very bright afternoon in a car with no tint in the windows -Up against a palm tree on the beach in Rincón, Puerto Rico, middle of the day again -Amongst the rocks at The Baths on Virgen Gorda island in the British Virgin Islands, also in the middle of the day. Not sure why most of these happened in broad daylight. Also, remembering all of this is providing an all-to-stark reminder that I'm currently on the longest dry spell I've had in about 7 years. Ouch.