THE MAY TWO-FOUR/MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND SUPER DRUNK THREAD!!!

So my friend and I have been at the bar for right at 12 hours so far. Mostly it's been boring, we read a little (surprisingly we got a 'what are you reading' rather than a 'what you readin' for,'.I'm surprised too) played some Hold 'Em with the bartender and basically just wasted a beautiful Saturday that we should have spent outside. I'm somewhere between buzzed and drunk and there are finally some people in here. We've only got about 3 1/2 hours to go then we can cross this off the list.

You kids stay safe out there.

 

Cocaine is a helluva drug.

Gin on the rocks and grilling frozen chicken fingers, to dip in ranch + hot sauce. First, I am convinced that the "spicy ranch" is the best possible dipping sauce, for anything, ever, period. No contest.

Second, my brother says that I "can't wait till I turn 50" because of my love affair with gin. Can someone please explain where/why it got this reputation as being some elderly-folk swill? It's fucking delicious, and versatile. You can drink it straight or on the rocks, and as long as you have good gin you're going to taste some truly heavenly flavors. It's an easy sipper. But then you add a mixer to it, tonic, club soda, soft drinks (namely sprite or ginger ale), juice, hell even other liquors (as in a long island iced tea), and it goes down like fucking candy.

Seriously, someone explain to me how gin got a bad rap. It's like the fucking utility player of booze.

 

So I'm asking myself -

Do all of you retards walk around with laptops, waiting to post whatever happens to you?

"Wait, hold that last line, I've gotta post this"

"Wipe that jizz off your chin while I post this on the TiB"

I'm picturing a bunch of agoraphobes, sweating silently in small apartments, posting bullshit to act like you actually have social lives.

I have a fucking excuse for being home and posting on a Saturday night. They're called a wife and a daughter.

The rest of you losers should be banging cheerleaders and getting fucked up, and telling us about it tomorrow morning.

These fucking kids today . . . . . .

 

No.

Gin, while wonderfully spiced, is not be mixed with just anything *shudder*

Listen to me, you will.

Vodka, the utility player, it is. Mixes well with everything, it does. Drink, or drink not. There is no try.

 

Champagne for my real friends

Real pain for my sham friends..............

I'm at an engagement party and we just finished a fourth magnum of moet, I'm giddy like a little girl.

I'm going to drink some Whiskey so I don't turn gay.

 

Gin is a messy, immoral, pants-around-the-ankles drunk. On it,you're just a crazy son of a bitch who doesn't give a shit. It will make your tongue feel like you were tossing the salad of an old, sick bear the morning after. Tread carefully.

Time for martial arts.



...fuck.

 

You know what is awesome? The Celtics are proving that contrary to popular belief, if you bust your ass in the NBA you WILL win. Fuck all that lazy showboating shit, the Celtics are just flat-out trying harder than anyone else.

Well that, and Rajon Rondo has in the last 3 weeks become Allen Iverson, Steve Nash, and Jon Stockton combined. Jesus.

 

They're called cell phones old man. Nowadays they have internet capabilities, shit they don't even have cords attached to them.

 

When they give me bad news, I shake them furiously to punish the little men inside.

 

Boy are you bitter.........I snuck upstairs at this engagement party I'm at and I think I'm on the girl's Dad's computer. I wanted to look at the flyers box score, and I also popped on TIB while I was here..........I hope your daughter doesn't end up being a cheerleader.

 

If you ever get a tattoo, don't act like this girl.

 

WOOOOOOOO!

 

CLASSIC

 

...and my friend just gave up and went home. With an hour left no less, what a pussy. But no fear, I'm not giving up.

 

DUdes.
I"m fucking high and I feel wonderful.
Eated air heads on my back porch listening to Wiz khalifa was awesome. That candy tasted like sex and Jesus. But not both at the same time beause that's gross.
I was texting my frineds. I think that's who I was texting. I could feel the keys on my touch screen!
Whoever invented leaves that could be burned and inhaled deserves a medal. Or a hug. I like hugs. They're soft?



I feel like BUster Bluth after too many juiceboxes.

 

So, with the rather scary age of 40 staring me in the face all weekend, I've decided to be mature about it.
I'm going to get fucked up.
Not shitfaced puke on the lip. Just drunk like a professional.
I have a case of heineken on ice, a small bottle of rum from the Caymen islands. There's some Jaeger in the freezer somewhere, tequila rose in a cabinet. I don't even know what the fuck that is.
Smells like strawberry violence.

If I offend anyone tonight in any way, please...go fuck yourself.
There will be no quarter asked tonight, man up or woman up, whatever.
And if I start talking bubbles? Well, that's some tough shit, I'm a happy drunk.

 

When I was in 8th grade I filled up a 12 ounce soda bottle with Tequila Rose and drank it on the bus on the way to school. Nothing good really came of that.

The big 4-0 huh? Drink up my friend.

 

What you smokin' on?

Man I gotta plate of that kush and a glass of orange juice.

 

Just finished my last final at JuCo ever. And I got that hot girls AIM handle. I'm smoking an imaginary cigar and leaning back in my imaginary leather chair.

 

Bubble, bubble and bubble.

Jesus, I never even touched the rum or the tequila rose.


I love this picture. My life should be this complete. Isn't that Shegirl wearing a wig?

Aloha,