THE MAY TWO-FOUR/MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND SUPER DRUNK THREAD!!!

Call me a homosexual, but I like Bud Light's Golden Wheat

 

It probably has SOMETHING to do with a firearm being publicly discharged. Fuck, maybe's he's CIA and he went dark. He could be reading this right now....

...and NASCAR is only fun when a car is going 180 mph, but upside-down. On occasion, it kills off their meal ticket.

 

I still have a bottle of black label that I obtained in that exact same manner. I didn't say anything, and had to contain my excitement when I saw that it didn't scan in. The question now becomes whether I should have a glass of that or the Hendricks that's also sitting on the counter.

 

I have one more take home final to do and I'm officially done with Community College. Now comes the hard part.

 

What I don't get is this:

His little niece was a cute girl. Not in a Humbert Humbert kind of way, in a normal way. But... she was cute, and almost old enough. Why would he even post a picture of her on here? This is a place that celebrates its sexual deviancy, among other non-normal things. I have a 15 year old sister, and a 23 year old step-sister, and I would NEVER dream of posting a picture of either of them. Why? Because all of you, and I, are somewhat sick minded and completely sexually driven (minus durbanite). I don't need to worry about Crown Royal taking his laptop out to his shed while he gets stoned and jerkin off to it. Knowwwhaaammm sayyyyyinnnnsayinnsayinnnnnnn.

 

Yeah, well . . . . fuck that.

Good intentions, that lasted until the next minor crisis at work, and I realized that, once again, my weekend consists of doing shit that other people want me to do. There is only one way I can make that bearable, and it comes in a bottle.

As for the toytoy thing - the man was\is entertaining but shit just didn't add up - from his financial situation, to his family situation, to the crap with his "property". Toy, if you're reading this, I hope you come back and regale us all with more wacky tales, but forgive me if I take it with a grain of salt.

 

Hehehehe I love hijinks.

Impromptu BBQ, lots of summer ale, and cigars aplenty.

A certain friend has a knack of grabbing REALLY expensive cigars out of my humidor and then barely smoking them. As in he lights it, smokes it for maybe 2 minutes and then stops. Lets it go out, even tries to hide it. If you don't like cigars don't take them. Or, bring some backwoods for yourself or something.

He was a little cocked so we dipped the wet end of his cigar in some "insanity mustard" powder. Shit is hot. It was very very funny.

For the record, it's hard to drink directly out of a growler.

 

So all my shit is moved out finally and I still haven't slept. My friend and his wife are letting me stay with them for a week until it's my last day on the job, at which point I'm heading east.

Right now though, we are about to get shitfaced and enjoy the last weekend we will both be here, because he is getting deployed right after I leave. Good times will be had.

And just to get back on topic:

 

Fixed quote.
Seriously. Hotwheelz, you're gonna have the best fucking times man.
Sure, there's gonna be a lot of stress health-issue wise but, you're going to meet some fascinating motherfuckers. God knows you're smart enough to do a good job.

As far as our resident redneck goes, he probably broke his probation from his last time in county. My guess is we'll see him in about two more months. I didn't get too much of a creepy vibe from him. It seemed like more of a lonely vibe. He's gonna need some friends when he gets back, so you better be nice fuckers. Old posts seem to have a way of biting people in the ass when they least expect it. And when there's possibly a tractor involved...

I turn 40 on the 24th, only two shopping days left.
Taking the whole family to see Iron man 2 in a couple of hours, then a light dinner at a noodle shop.
Not going to drink a whole lot this weekend, I've got a side job that'll hopefully get itself done tomorrow. If it does, Saturday night could be a whole lot more interesting.
Secretary you say?

NSFW

 

I have a similar ethical question....I went to the ATM (at the bank that has probably screwed me over repeatedly over the past few years) and withdrew $200. So a stack of $20s came out from the standard roller bar thing they have, but then a random $100 bill pops out from some secret dispenser that I have never experienced before. I just took the money and counted later. When I got home I discovered it was an extra $100. I even checked my online banking and it said I withdrew $200, yet here I am with $300 in cash. So I am wracked with guilt about having extra money, but don't really feel like dealing with returning it or doing whatever form of paperwork I will have to do to fix their dispensing error. What to do. I'll call them when I get back into town I suppose or some form of bad karma will haunt me forever. Damn bank.

I'll edit this to say that because it was an ATM transaction, it was probably all caught on video. Said video would've consisted of me looking confused about the money being dispensed from secret compartment, taking the money and then walking away. Does confusion = guilt? It's on tape, man.

 

I just got home from drinking with people older than my parents. I must say, this is fun in a way you never knew. This retirement party was a ton of fun. I was one of the last five people to leave and I was the youngest there the entire time. Yay for drinking with 50-60 year olds. Those people know how to party.

 

/America/ I've been through the desert on a . . ./America/

'cept, aren't those mules?

And, did I miss the post where somebody pointed out that Memorial Day is NEXT weekend? So, is this going to be a loooong drunk thread? Word processing is lousy for expressing drunkitude - I keep backspacing my errors. If I had a speech-to-text thingy typing this, it would've read "wood prosesshing is loozy for -- shit, I mean lousy for esspres - fuck it."

 

sitting back with a bottle of wine watching movies.

Going home this weekend for a birthday party for my mom. Last time my family had a birthday party my great-aunt got so drunk her head hit the table by the end of the night. After her going on a great ramble, there was a huge *THUNK* and we turn to see her slumped over the table. Hoping for a repeat. My relatives are really entertaining when they're drunk.

 

Someone E-stole around 640 bucks from my checking account (all that was there) like 6 months ago. After a while of negotiating and what not, the bank reimbursed me the money. Honest to god, I was sort of happy it happened, as the people were never caught, and the bank was out 640 bucks. Fuck banks. Fuck them sooooo hard.

 

That's nice and all, but it really is the hard part. I have to make the move happen first. That means nurses, caretakers, supplies and dorm arrangements with the school PLUS figuring out where to get 80k to pay for school. All this without the financial or physical support from my dad. He decided that he didn't like me going to UCLA and would only pay for school if I went to UCSD. I'm growing pimples just thinking about it.

 

I fucked a girl named Banks once. Fucked her hard.

 

theY guys are fuckers, and that's why I like you...

I'm at a bar in downtown Dallas, and we are about to head to the gold club. Yes, that is a titty bat. I expect to see some va-jay-jays.

1 hour till my birthday, happy birthday me!