THE MAY TWO-FOUR/MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND SUPER DRUNK THREAD!!!

Dear Durbanite,

It's because we're empty, soulless, sex fiends who cannot understand the desire to not procreate with as many other empty, soulless, sex fiends as possible. You go against our natural instincts and it worries us.

Love,
Primer

ps. Glad to know you're still drinking instead of getting professional help for your issues.

 

Mmmmmm, steak . . . . .



This will be a pretty mellow weekend for me. Maybe a stop at my bar tonight on the way home and a beer or two on Sunday. I've been overdoing it a little lately and the liver needs a respite.

 

Fucking christ, I bought Red Dead Redemption yesterday and didn't go to sleep till 5:30 in the morning. Hooray being laid off!

 

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Gee Shaggy why do you think they all react like this?

I dunno, Scoob

 

You're absolutely right. I apologize. I won't be posting again, just lurking.

 

As usual, all of Canada has been lumped into one.

Out here in the beautiful West, we have always called this "May Long". The only people who call it "May Two-Four" are the transplants from the East that came out here begging for work and stayed. We just can't seem to teach them the local language. God-damned foreigners.

I live with my ex and he left Thursday, leaving me the house to myself. I bypassed a party last night with the intention of cooking a pork tenderloin and cleaning my house all night, so I can prove I would live like this if I could clean in the middle of the night, when I actually have energy. Instead, I fell asleep at the computer and staggered to the couch later to sleep for 12 hours. Awesome. Holy underacheiver as usual. I think I have mono.

On the brightside, in my very last dream, I was at an NFL game and was in a porta-pottie when it got tipped over. Normally you would think that is a whole pile of suck, because I definitely got some on me and I was with a cute date. Nope, not a bad thing at all. BETTY-FREAKING-WHITE saw it and felt sorry for me. She gave me a liver Danish!

As usual, work and boozing on tap for me. No long weekend for Queen-Bee. Peace out and a have a good weekend Idiots. I'll see you Monday when I sober up enough to read.

 

I just bought an 18 pack of Bud Light, one of the girls at work retired and today was her last day so a bunch of us are going to be drinking beer just off company property this evening. You know you live in the boondocks when you have random get togethers in the parking lot next to work.

Tomorrow a friend and I are going to the local bar in the morning when they open and staying there all day. For some odd reason opening and closing a bar is on each of our bucket lists. We're trying to make rules to make the day a little more fun, we're coming up kind of dry though. So far we've just got the obvious 'can't step outside of the bar' and that we have to make it to closing time. I was thinking of introducing one where we have to finish a beer or take a shot every hour but she's kind of a lightweight and if we start drinking with breakfast I'm not sure that that will work out. Any ideas?

 

Hilarious that two of the four of those threads were started by a guy called Whores with no names whose avatar is animals getting it on. Priceless.

 

I can see that this thread is already off to a good start. Durbanite is being weird with his sexual anxiety, The rest of us sexual/social deviants are giving him shit for it, and there are pictures of smokin hotties here and there. I approve.

 

There's a bottle of bourbon calling my name from home.
Also, keeping with the theme...

 

We have all heard the story of your original sexual encounter Durbanite. That one doesn't count. One of these days you are ACTUALLY going to get laid (maybe), and you're going to be speaking a completely different tune. Right now, all I see is a dude that has struck out so many times he has given up. That's sad man. Go by a fucking hooker, get some fucking confidence, and maybe move out of your parents house.

 

Ummm...


I've been working in my shop nonstop today and have a short shift at work tonight.

Afterwards? A friend of my sisters is throwing a birthday party. I'll be the token young jackass.

 

No secretaries here, just a beaten soul that had to withstand the UMD 3.5 hour graduation last night. The in laws and wife are doing round two right now, so o was tasked with picking up 240 beers, ice, smoking blue fish, and plank searing striped bass. Let's have a omglolroflmyabbq.

 

And once again my friends, i am very very drunk and once again listening to IRA music


However, god save ireland and god save amerikay too. Go on home british soldiers go on home, have you got no fuckin homes of your own!!!

upara! chuky ar la! long live the drink

 

Durbanite, I'm not trying to dogpile here, but I really wish you would open yourself up to really hearing what these Idiots have to say. There is much wisdom to be had.

I liken your attitude to this:

I needed glasses for years but refused to admit it. I told everyone that I could see just fine and I didn't know why they kept harping on about it. Finally, I bowed to their commands and procured said lens.

Well holy snapping arseholes! I could see! I could actually SEE!

Because I didn't know any better, I though that trees just had clumps of green on them, much like a small child would draw. Little did I know that there were individual leaves and details like I had never imagined. The whole world was suddenly vibrant, sharp and exciting. I could even see road signs!

I almost missed all of this becuase I had never seen it and just didn't know how amazing it COULD be.

You say that you're content living with your parents, stealing their booze, sometimes slogging through some shitty job and living a throughly forgettable, mundane existence. My point is that if you KNEW what wonderful possibilites and experiences this planet has to offer, you would not be content to sit there (and throw a hissyfit saying you're never posting here here again, as if that affects any of our worlds at all), and waste away.

There is such a big, beautiful world out there if you would just SEE. I wish you well.

 

You're talking about pussy, right?

 

Duh, of course!

 

There's a point, when you've got both your fists in a vagina and you're slowing opening them as if you're clapping, that most women get an epiphany. You see, it's like childbirth; having those hands in there; and it enlightening. Most of the time, they quiver and moan but every now and then you get one who figured out something special. Things like how to cook the perfect turkey, understand how string theory works or create mathematical formulas to predict Boson particles.

It's like that but with more butter.

 

There are moments in life when you realize you're either doing it all wrong or that everything is right in the world. Like when you're sitting on the porch steps with your iPod playing 'Every Rose Has Its Thorn' while drinking a beer and smoking a cigarette.

To be fair, my iPod was on shuffle (which doesn't make the previous scene any less white trash.)