The "FUCK THIS DAY IS TAKING FOREVER AAAHHHH!" WDT 6/4/10

I spent the day drinking outside and heckling tiger woods in person. I fucking love live PGA golf. Now if only Phil had won. Then the day would have been awesome.

I like to think my heckling was why tiger did so shitty today

 

Goddamn it Griffin, or Ironman, or whoever you are - you think this is fucking funny?

You're nothing but a fail, who keeps coming back here to make lame poop jokes about me. Hey, I can take a joke, but your bits are just lame. And FOR THE RECORD the only time my car has ever smelled like that was one time when my mom kicked me out, and I didn't have a chance to grab my fleshlight, but there was a taco bell down the street.

YOU WOULD ALL DO THE SAME!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go do a line of coke off of a midget stripper's taint. Catch ya later, brahs.

 

Damn it. I washed only my underwear, and on my inspection of the washer(which i never do) I found this:

http://www.usmbooks.com/images/HuDuniform/HuD4.jpg

Good thing I checked. That is the last thing you want to forget in your laundry.

It belonged to my grandpa. My grandpa took a ton of patches off of Nazis when he was involved in the De-Nazification after the war, and he would take anything with a swastika home. He left them all to me. How it ended up in my laundry hamper I know not.

Probably my grandpa saying, "I killed nazis. what have you done?"

 

If by shaving you mean shaving your face, then yes. I agree with you completely.

 

I don't take joy in shaving anything, I just assumed you're a freak (who has sex with every squirter in the world).

Scruff is good, that's why I trim three times a week now and leave it at that.

 

I thought I was just hallucinating or something. Glad to know I'm not the only one surprised by that bird...Dennis? David? What's his name?

Douglas?

http://www.homestarrunner.com/sbemail55.html

 

Hm...I feel like I posted this and it didn't show up...may have been one of those -someone else posted first- things and I missed it. Or, maybe I'm drunk.

Anyways, I tend to post less on weekends, because there's just fewer readers then.

Also, any idea where people publish comic essays? ...Other than College Humor. I figure someone around here must have an idea. Also also, any thoughts on where to send humorous short stories (~8000 words)?

 

Spent the day getting drunk on the beach with my old man, who I haven't seen in quite sometime. Come to find out his wife lives about 30 minutes away from my new place and he's down there every other weekend. I love hanging out with him, cause when he gets drunk the old sailor comes out and we commence to cracking jokes on people and having conversations that normal people shake their heads at.

BBQ is happening in two weeks. It is going to be a good summer.

 

Her name is Kevin.


Again, not named after my dad.

Also, 8k words? That ain't no story.

 

Quoted for accuracy. Seriously dude, it's not funny. At all.

 

Friday was the higlight of the weekend. Got 3 hours sleep before I did my first sub contract video recording. No, not for porn. Then when we left wal-mart (redbox alice in wonderland) we saw an older hippy lady cuffed and tossed in a police cruzer.

At work, posting from my phone. Someone ratted me out about my pc use. I see 3 people all night. Wonder who it was? Fucking dick.

 

Wait, I don't get it. I feel like Ballsack has snapped and is now having a fight with himself. It's like Fight Club, only instead of punching guys in the face when he thinks he's sleeping, he's coming to terms with putting plants up his rectum.