Everyone has that one friend that everybody hates. No one knows why they hang out with him, but you do. Within my group of friends in college, we had a friend like that. Within the first year of my meeting him he: [*]Set off the smoke alarm in my building when he tried to microwave a sticky bun. [*]Started cutting himself at our Halloween party because our friend, we'll call her Cali, didn't want to sleep with him [*]Got Cali drunk one night and slept with her anyway [*] Wrote about us in http://redskull.vox.com/ <~ this online journal. [*]Dated a girl for two weeks and cried about the break up for 6 months. Focus: Who is the friend everybody hates in your group, and why does everybody hate him Alt-Focus: My friend is trying to start a campaign to get him to stop writing this blog. She's looking for people to go to the site and call him out on his bullshit via comment. She doesn't want him to be cyber-bullied. She just wants him to stop with the whiny bullshit. http://redskull.vox.com/
Goodness me, I do believe I smell a Wahoo in the wind. Edit: After reading two pages of this crap, maybe not. It wouldn't even be a challenge. Cripes, what a whiner.
I don't get it, the blogs shit. There's virtually no content in it. Why would anyone give a fuck about it.
During my freshmen year of college, the group that I hung out with and I were all friends with a guy who lived on our floor named Jake. No one liked this fucking kid for a variety of reasons. Jake mooched everything. I'm not sure I ever saw him spend his own money. If we were buying beer someone always had to cover his share and he never reciprocated. He smelled like absolute shit. This smelly motherfucker only showered a few times a week even if he worked out. Jake was also the biggest cock block I've ever met in my life. We would have to assign a wing man to Jake just so he wouldn't cock block anyone. He would routinely hit on any girl someone else was hitting on. He was a virgin with very low confidence and would all but ask you to ask a chick if she would fuck him. He was pathetic. He cock blocked his roommate the first night of college because he was "tired and didn't want to be woken up by the sound of Matt fucking some bitch". We would all go to a party and not tell Jake about it and low and behold who would show up? Jake. How he found out about these parties I'm not sure but it seemed like every party we went to Jake would magically show up. Finally one guy drunkenly told Jake that nobody liked him because he was such a cock block and a mooch. He stayed away for a few weeks before hanging around us again at which point someone put his head through the drywall of our dorm lobby while shitfaced. He still didn't get it.
Ours is nick named Buckethead because the only person from our group of friends that was actually a friend with buckethead got tired of his shit and called him out for having a head that looked like a bucket. My friend Dan, had met this idiot while working together at some high school job. Buckethead comes from a long line of drunk douchebags and he really personifies all that is wrong with being a super white frat boy. List of Bucketheads douchebaggery: -Has no drinking control. Every night Ive ever seen him drink he has gotten obliterated and out of control. -out of control consist of being disrespectful of any place public or private no matter what, by puking, pissing, fighting, breaking shit randomly, hurting himself and other, stealing, and mouthing off to law enforcement and/or the owners of any domicile we are at. -Seems like he could be a normal person until he takes drink and spits the meanest vitriol at anybody in earshot. -has huge sense of entitlement because his dads a doctor and he's becoming a lawyer. -has a partner in crime that gets as black out drunk as he but tends to be less hateful towards other human beings. The property damage these two have caused is staggering. The Im pretty sure the only one of our friends that ever hung out with him was Dan. Two major events lead to Dan banning Buckethead from ever partying with us again. A few years back they went to Ohio U to party and while at a bar Buckethead tried to steal a beer mirror, when the bar tender kicked him out he ran and tried to steal the pitcher of beer at their table. Once outside the cops were summoned and Dan, being under age, took off but later being caught and charged for under age consumption. He blamed the entire incident on Buckethead. Secondly in Dan's first post college big job apartment Bucket Head and his partner in crime Steve drunk wrestled and Buckethead cut himself on a busted beer bottle. Not knowing he was hurt he just laid across my buddy's new couch and stained it with blood. Since then Dan has forewarned all of us not talk to this kid if he is having a party or going out. Though he has never been officially banned as a friend. I never talked to the guy outside of when he hung out with us.
What's the saying, if you look around the poker table and you don't know who the sucker is, it's you? ...Damn. I tend to be pretty loud, opinionated, obnoxious, and intoxicated, which is fun when around likeminded people. But, most of the friends I've made have been incredibly reserved. You know the type, the guys who spend their whole lives on pins and needles afraid of ever saying something that might make a girl the slightest bit upset. So yeah, I think I'm the asshole of the group.
There was this one guy, we'll call him Zack*. For the life of me I do not know how anyone tolerated him. He was older than our group of friends (we were all in our early 20's, he was going to be 30). Now, normally I wouldn't care about this, but he used that fact to fuck with people and win arguements ("You're too young to fully understand this.") He would also use that to prey on naive underage girls. The guy was always contradicting people in a condescending way, doing everything but outright saying that they were fucking morons. He was always crashing at peoples' places uninvited and would stay for days, eating their food, drinking their booze, smoking their pot, and never compensating them for it. Also, he chain smoked, but never had his own cigarettes. EVER. He was always mooching rides from people because he didn't have a car. And of course he never had gas money. He would not keep his eyes or hands to himself in regards to other guys girlfriends; one time he outright told this one friend of mine "Don't be surprised if I end up fucking your girlfriend." My friend then beat the everloving shit out of Zack, but they were right back to being friends a few days later. He also had this really annoying habit of whipping his dick out unexpectedly when he was drunk if the topic of penises came up and there were women around (because he was uncut). Guess how many times that got him laid. He also had deplorable hygeine, going for days without showering, changing or brushing his teeth. Anyway, depite all of these overwhelming character flaws, EVERYONE JUST GAVE HIM A PASS ABOUT IT. "Oh, he's just being Zack!" they would say. Fuck you Zack M., you pathetic douche. Don't ever come back from Portland. *Zack/Zaq/Zach is his real name, depending on how he wanted to spell it. Edit: I almost forgot, this guy was/is UGLY. His chin is almost nonexistant, his hair is never groomed, he grows a rat tail, and I think he has a deviated septum, so whenever he talks, air is always coming out of the wrong places. How he has ever gotten laid mystifies me.
I have a sorta-friend that we call "Anus" because of his last name (and because he's an asshole). The only reason I still talk to him is because I've known him since middle school. Anus is one of the worst, but most amusing people in the world. I'll try to cut this post short, but there's SO much to say about this guy. First of all, Anus started doing oxycontin when he was 17. He's 20 now, and he lives with his mom. He doesn't go to school or work. He constantly yells at his mother and threatens to murder her. He rarely leaves the house. When he does, it's either to go to the methadone clinic or to drive around the neighborhood. Anus is extremely paranoid, has severe anger issues, and is a compulsive liar. He loves to IM/text/call me to tell me extremely exaggerated stories. Usually they're about confrontations with people we went to high school with. Anus inherited about $280,000 when he turned 18, but I suspect that he has spent a large part of that already. He was never a particularly good friend, even before he started doing hard drugs. He was one of the first of us to have a car (because of his absentee father's guilt), and would demand lots more gas money than he could ever possibly need. Even when it was somewhere that he was going anyway. He was very greedy when it came to money or food. When we would all pitch in to get a pizza, Anus would quickly devour as much as he could. Anus used to be fat, until he started doing oxy. Then he became extremely thin. As he became more of an asshole over the years, we started to make a game out of pissing off Anus. My favorite instance of this was the time we had a friend's little sister walk to his house with a balloon and a large Ansel Adams photo in a glass frame, and hand it to his mother. He quickly called me and said, "I broke the picture and popped the balloon. I told you guys I didn't want anyone coming over!" Anus once scared a girl out of the room by brandishing a purple vibrator. If I think of any really funny anecdotes, I'll add them. This is just too much to think about all at once.
Bitch, my parents live with me...in the house that they own and paid for... Though really, it's me no matter what's going on in my life. I'm also a bit of a misanthrope. I like the human species, but I can't stand individuals. I'm also really transparent, so I can't hide how much I don't like people.
Mine is a total fucking Napoleon complex friend. I HATE Napoleon complexes (Little Man Syndrome) because it's an unecessary weakness. This guy always has to be the loudest talker, always the one that brags about how much money he makes, and always willing to put other friends down in front of girls because he still thinks that has the same sexual pull it did in high school 14 fucking years ago. He lectures me about how smoking pot is only for "dirtbags and long-hairs". If he wasn't the centre of attention for five seconds I have no doubt he would whither and die Raiders Of The Last Ark Climax-style. That crybaby blog fucking SUCKS by the way, and I doubt I'm alone in thinking that. I hope who ever wrote it gets kicked in the nuts with a frozen winter boot. What a card-carrying bitch. Does he smoke clove cigarettes and recite his shitty poetry down at the Douchebags R Us Coffee Emporium? If I hung out with people like that I would check myself into the psycho ward and get heavily sedated.
This sounds almost identical to a guy that I started being friends with, who then turned to love me, and then turned psycho bitch. We'll call him Larry. Larry was my ex-boyfriend's friend that soon became my friend. He was nice to me and told me all that sappy shit girls love to her (hate admitting that I like that). Larry opened up to me about his problems and me, being the helper/a girl, I took it to heart to help him out and be a good friend. Larry soon went crazy on me. Saying I was a selfish, a bitch, etc. I continued to try and be his friend; I knew that he had trust issues that I thought I could work through. He told my best friend I thought she was fat and a whore. We stopped talking for awhile because of him. He got drunk and took advantage of her, lied to her (because he thought she was too drunk to remember) and me about it. Larry tried to commit suicide twice by cutting himself because I stopped dealing with his bullshit. The second time was at a party. A guy I was seeing texted him to leave me alone on my phone and he threatened to call the cops for "harassment" and told me all he wanted was "his friend back". You would think the calling me a bitch and selfish would have been a clue or lying to my best friend, but no, I was a dumb ass teenage girl that thought she could be "the healer". Boy was I stupid. Never again will I let that petty shit slide. Now I see why no one was really his friend..
That can be your thing for the day. As you get older "that friend you hate" doesn't really exist anymore, it's hard enough keeping in touch with old friends who don't shit you to tears let alone making time for airwasting fuckwits. However I do have a few from my late teens Early 20's, Jason Barden, for the sake of protecting his anonymity let’s call him Fuckhead, he was a friend’s housemate for 2 weeks, during this brief period. HE: Shit on the coffee table after coming home smashed, my friend found the turd in the morning, it was covered by a note saying he would clean it up when he got home from work as he couldn’t face it first up. It was a Tuesday. Pissed in the corner of my friends bedroom one night while he and his girlfriend were sleeping. Had sex with the neighbours daughter. She was 15. There was no proof that he did this, but he told us he did while drunk, we told him we were going to report him to the cops, he cried and ran out of the house saying he was going to kill himself. We really should have followed through (but then so should of he) unfortunately there was too much drug paraphernalia laying around that house to seriously consider drawing any police scrutiny. Fell asleep while grilling sausages, my friend was woken by the fire alarm. The whole house was filled with a greasy thick black smoke. The house smelled of sausages from that time forward. Strangely this was the event than made my mate finally kick him out. What a fucking disease.
So I assumed that this guy was like 18, 19, perhaps a high school senior or just getting into college. I assumed wrong: Back in college? So this guy (for lack of a more feminine term) isn't in highschool? Fuck, man, slip him some hemlock, tell him he's a modern day Socrates, and put him out of his misery.
I read about three entries of this blog and decided to stop before I euthanize myself with my car and a brick wall. It's akin to listening to William Shatner sing but in word form and written by a pussy. Friend hating focus: We had one, I would like to say friend but more acquaintance, that pretty much everyone who's met him has hated. There was a point in time where he lived at our place and it only happened because of an act of desperation on our part (we needed another roommate to help with rent). - The kid was your typical douchebag with no personality. We tried to help him out but to no avail; he would go into parties and dry the place up of any fun. He was like a time bomb, just ticking in the corner, waiting to kill the mood of pretty much every social situation. Ironically, this worked out well for the rest of us as all the women in the room would run from him and to us because we could actually keep them entertained - I'm still not sure if he was the biggest cock block or the best wingman in history. - He never held responsibility for anything, even when we saw him damage stuff at the house, he would try and worm his way out of it. One day, I watched him put a pot of water on the stove, turn it on and leave it. The water all boiled out and the pot started to burn, I found it all bent to shit because he put it under the tap to cool it off. He also destroyed the hardwood floors, broke the garage door and beat the shit out of one of our chairs on a weekend we were not home. - For some reason, he had an incredibly hot girlfriend who he all but ignored and cheated on all the time. - Had friend who did an amazing amount of drugs in our house without consent. They would just start blazing in our living room. - Hardly paid rent on time and would bitch about bills.
Back when I moved up here the first time, I lived in what me and a friend of mine called "The Real World House". 5 bedroom house, 6 people living there. I got to listen to the couple next door to my room fucking every other night. Then there was the passive aggressive note leaver. The owner was never home as he worked two jobs. The real winner was Richard. Richard was a 36 year old Best Buy sales associate that fancied himself a Quagmire. He always wore a pedo trench coat, stared at any woman who gave him more than a two second look, and generally creeped out everybody. His list of sins include: 1. Eating food that wasn't his. 2. Causing needless drama with PassiveAggressiveGirl (see item #1) 3. Hearing the thump of trance music at 7 AM EVERY FUCKING MORNING. 4. Seeing him walking around in his underwear. Bonus points because they were white and he had streaks in them that ran up to the top of his asscrack. I never brought women back to the house simply because I knew I'd hear him breathing outside of my door if I did. How do I know he did this? I overheard the girl next door to me complaining about it to the owner. He moved back to Texas and is now with a girl who's so fat her nipples look like pepperoni. I know this because, naturally, he sent me a picture of his head between her tits.
What about a guy who, at age 30, has never lived outside his parents' home, has his sister do his laundry and make his lunch, is always broke, has been busted for DUI twice, and is, in general, a fat lazy slob of a guy? Meet Mark. A life-long friend of my boyfriend for god only knows what reason. The guy can't get laid to save his life, and manages to offend pretty much everyone he meets. I guess he's one of those friends that you keep around because he makes you look good no matter how bad you've fucked up.
I will call my "friend" by what my roommate calls him, can I say StinkyFatFuck on here? OK lets keep it simple his nickname is Pud he calls himself Pud and has since high school. Yes I have know this guy since 5th grade but he is now so far gone I don't even know how to talk to him. When I lived with him he would just eat those $1 pizzas and top ramen every night, it was gross and didn't help with his weight problem. Did I mention he is short I think he is 5' 6ish and 200 plus pounds so along with his disgusting eating habits he has little man syndrome. Also in my early party years he would invite all his dumb friends out to party and being the hicks that the were they would trash the house inside and out and always try to fight someone. Pud got pissed one night because a mutual girl friend of ours came over and he tried putting the moves on her, that's normal for a drunk person to do. But when she says "no we are just friends" he freaks out on her so she gets scared and she locks herself in the bathroom! Some of the other party people had to help her out of the window later on that night but why the window? Why didn't they just confront him? Well he just so happened to pull his gun on the party and tell everyone to get the fuck out! After that we all went are separate ways I didn't speak to him for the longest time. Now that he is around again (because he follows us like a fucking vulture) he has made it a priority to comfort all of our ex girlfriends and my friends ex girlfriends. Nothing usually comes of it but I cant even have him at a party because girls think he is creepy. He has had more life flights than anyone I know (Fucking 3!) because he gets drunk and operates fast shit he shouldn't mainly his quad and truck. I felt bad the first time but now when I get the call "Hey did you hear about Pud?" I seriously asked this the last time "Is he dead?" I am afraid its gonna happen and we have warned him for years. He also burnt his house down by trying to thaw the pipes with...a torch?!? Yep burned up everything him and his roommate had in the matter of minutes. I think he saved his car key and some guns before the house was no more. This guy has the best luck (at living) and the worst luck (see this whole topic) at the same time. Wow it seems I have some built up anger at him haha. PS Biggest cockblocker alive, I swear his motto is "If I aint getting any neither are you".