I am not going to defend this person or the list that she made in particular whatsoever because I hated every minute of reading it, but I don't think the idea of making a list of the qualities you'd like to find in a person is as crazy as it unfortunately ended up seeming because this was the person that chose to write about the topic. I'm the kind of person that finds writing things down or working things out on paper really helps me to stay organized and remember things and figure things out. I keep notes and a journal and to-do lists and a planner that's made out of paper, and I find writing business plans to be genuinely enjoyable. So, while I wouldn't use a list like this as anything resembling an algorithm to apply to dating and wouldn't cut someone off entirely because they didn't match enough of my bullet points, I think that actually putting what you want down on paper can be really helpful, or at least an interesting exercise. I think we all have a list like this in our heads anyway. I, at least, have heard this sentence: "Why can't I just find a [adjective], [adjective] guy who ___________" dozens of times when talking with my friends about boys. I'll admit that, as I was reading the article when Ghetto originally suggested this thread, I was compiling a list in my head and then ended up actually writing a list myself. I came up with 20 things, a lot of which tend to naturally coincide or overlap (passionate, ambitious/driven, and smart, for example). It helped sort out my thoughts on why things didn't work out with past boyfriends, or why something that was a casual dating situation never progressed into a relationship, or why I shouldn't pursue anything further with a kind-of-friends-with-benefits deal because looking at the list I could finally admit that he had so few of those qualities that he would probably never make me happy and I should just continue enjoying it for what it is. It can be difficult for me at times to discern that because my number one priority is interesting/intriguing, and there are a lot of very intriguing people in this world who would also be terrible to be in a relationship with because they may be interesting but also, say, crazy or flaky or dangerous and I can be so swept up in the intrigue that I don't notice. I honestly think that in the future having a list somewhere other than my head could help me honestly evaluate a situation I'm unsure about and avoid wasting my time or getting swept up in something that wouldn't be the best for me. I like to think (and I'm pretty sure I don't do this) that I'm not the type of person who can get distracted by a guy because he's there, single, and into me and consider that to be good enough, but I sure as hell know a ton of people do that because they're so scared of being single, and for those type of people I think it actually could help them find a relationship that's actually fulfilling for them. Or, at least, not settle for one that isn't. It was also just interesting to judge myself based on what I ended up putting on the list. I ended up being a little surprised at what I ended up caring enough about to put on a list. I kept it in the order that they came to mind, and there were some funny little things there ("attractive" didn't make it onto the list until #15, mostly because it would take someone being really physically ugly for me to not consider them attractive if they possessed numbers 1-14). I wrote a little bit after each one to elaborate and explain why I cared about it, and the whole exercise resulted in a couple of epiphanies which, as a very self-analytical person, I always enjoy. Sure, I felt a little neurotic while doing it, but overall I thought it was pretty fun and helpful. TL;DR Enh, what's the harm in it? If anyone's interested (wait, who am I kidding? EVERYONE'S INTERESTED) here's my condensed version of my list: Spoiler 1. Interesting and intriguing: If I can figure him all out the first time I meet him, then I'm bored and I have no interest in boring people 2. Passionate: Someone who has an interest/talent/hobby/career/cause that they're passionate about, doesn't hurt if they're passionate in the sexy way too 3. Creative: Or, if they don't actually have a creative ability, to at least appreciate/respect/value creativity 4. Driven and ambitious: At my age, I don't care if they're successful yet, but someone who has dreams and long term goals and is actively pursuing them, not happy to settle 5. Someone who challenges me/helps me grow 6. Like to do things: I know this sounds stupid, but I do a lot of things like going to events and museums and parties and go on little adventures, and it's surprising how few people are interested in joining me for things other than going to a bar and that's boring. I'd also love to not be the camp counselor in a relationship and actually have him suggest things now and then 7. Likes to read, loves movies/TV: Another thing that sounds kind of stupid, but talking about this type of stuff is one of my favorite things to do. I'd like him to have good taste, if not the same taste as me (although that's preferable). 8. Funny: Also, gets and likes my sense of humor - it's offbeat and a lot of people never catch that I'm joking and it gets awkward 9. Can do things with his hands: This is the type of classic masculinity that gives me the hardest boner the fastest. Fix a sink, build a table, cook a meal, pitch a tent (a camping tent, you fool). I don't care what exactly. Have some callouses on your hands you pansy. 10. A balance of city mouse and country mouse: I keep getting crushes on these country boys who hate the city and would never live here and that just won't do. I want someone who loves New York and everything it stands for, but I want someone who wants to go hiking or camping with me or will help me with a garden and won't be afraid to get dirty 11. Loves to travel: Partially because I love to travel and want someone who'd go with me, but also that means he'd likely possess other characteristics that I care about like curiosity, adventurousness, spontaneity, and bravery. (Is this cheating? Does this mean I have 24 things on my list?) 12. Likes animals: Mostly because I get extremely suspicious of people who dislike animals because that clearly means they're not a good person. If he's not going to love my cat, he has to be at least indifferent to him, and I plan my future around getting a dog like most women plan to have children one day. 13. Not afraid to show they care about (and then love) me: My first boyfriend was overbearing, clingly, needy, gushingly romantic to the point of making me queasy. My next boyfriend was extremely aloof and it constantly had me second-guessing the entire relationship and it made me really insecure. I just want something in the middle. I care more about him showing it more than saying it, but sometimes I just need it to be explicit and to hear it, damn it. 14. Has respect for tradition: I realized this is important to me when it comes to something super serious/a husband. (Thankfully, most of my traditions that I care most about are related to food so I think he can handle it.) 15. Attractive/sexually compatible 16. Smart: But not pretentious or condescending about it 17. On the same side of the spectrum when it comes to sociopolitical issues: If he's not pro-choice or pro-gay marriage then he's not for me. I'm more flexible on other social issues and don't care so much about fiscal issues (unless he's super "fuck the poor" in his viewpoints). I just don't think it would work otherwise; I think these views tend to coincide with a lot of other things that I care about. 18. Similar opinions or views on religion: I couldn't be with someone who was super religious or aligned with a particular religion, but I also don't think I'd want someone who was very critical or dismissive of spirituality. If he is, though, at least be respectful of my relationship with my own spirituality. Also, I'm part Jewish and everything that comes with that besides the religious aspect is something that's a part of my life that I care about, so if he's at all Jewish too it would be nice to be on the same page if it's a very long-term/husband thing. 19. Strong: In character, I don't really care about physically. Meaning things like self-assured, confident, unafraid of challenges or of the scarier, darker parts of life, someone who doesn't compromise their values or stands down without a fight. 20. Laidback, but still appreciates the finer things in life: I find uptight people to be a huge turn off, but I also hate when people are so easygoing and go-with-the-flow-man that they can't make or commit to a plan or doesn't appreciate a nice meal or a nice outfit. This aligns a lot with the city/country thing where I really just am looking for a balance.