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The Formula

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by ghettoastronaut, Feb 1, 2013.

  1. ghettoastronaut

    ghettoastronaut
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    I had the particular displeasure of reading this article recently:

    <a class="postlink" href="http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/doublex/2013/01/amy_webb_s_data_a_love_story_using_algorithms_and_charts_to_game_online.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.slate.com/articles/double_x/ ... nline.html</a>

    The writer is a wretch of a human being who doesn't deserve the page-views. The long and short of the article is that she writes a very long and detailed list containing all the qualities she needs in a mate. It features such highlights as:

    10. Must not smoke. Must insist that I don’t smoke either. I need to stop my several-cigarettes-a-day habit, and that’s only going to happen if he is an ardent nonsmoker.

    19. Likes the outdoors. But only enough for a picnic or grilling in the backyard. Doesn’t want to spend the day golfing or reading on the beach. Isn’t compelled to do overnights at rustic campsites. Driving a car up and down a mountain range should count for “hiking.”

    22. Appreciates my quirks and neuroses. Should be both impressed and entertained that I took a color-coded binder full of spreadsheets to an introductory therapist session.

    39. Mac person preferred over PC person.

    It goes on to total 72 items.

    But it got me thinking. I have a rather self-deprecating scale in my head on how attracted I am to women (more useful as a retrospective tool, not something I actually use to size up women I meet). It's very simple.

    Step 1: Rate her ass from one to five.
    Step 2: Count how many languages she knows besides her mother tongue
    Step 3: Add the two together.

    Someone who rates 5-6 is pretty interesting. By 7, I'm enamoured, and although the scale theoretically could go higher, anyone who rates that high has probably rendered me unable to count.

    Focus: Your formulae, serious or not, for how attractive you find people.
    Alt-focus: Stories of making detailed lists about the theoretical perfect partner and the associated fall-out.
     
  2. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
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    I need my men to have a thorough interest in the minutae of Belgian Beer.
     
  3. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
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    0-4 number of BJs willing to be given per day. World peace could be accomplished in our time with a world full of fours.
     
  4. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
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    P.S. -- I'm halfway through the article, and this woman is annoying bordering on delusional.
     
  5. Frank

    Frank
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    Until a bunch of sixes pop up somewhere.
     
  6. PIMPTRESS

    PIMPTRESS
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    I hate this woman. Her list of demands is absurd.
     
  7. effinshenanigans

    effinshenanigans
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    As I see it, one of two things will happen for her...

    1) She will never feel anything but disappointment.
    or
    2) She will die alone.

    She lost me at "Doesn't have to have a beer or cocktail with dinner[...]"

    Lady, you'd be lucky if he's not busting out a boot flask when he's stuck in an elevator with you for more than 5 floors.
     
  8. Noland

    Noland
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    I didn't get to her list of demands. I skimmed Page 1 and saw it went on for another three pages and quit. If she is at all representative I can see why New Yorkers complain about meeting people.

    I've never made a list of pros and cons, but when I was a week or so out from asking Mrs. Noland to marry me I downed the better part of a bottle of whiskey and ran through everything in my head. I knew I wanted to marry her, but my thinking was that whiskey had talked me into doing any number of shockingly stupid things, therefore, it could talk me out of doing the smartest thing I was ever going to do.

    All I got out of that night was a nasty hangover and the realization that whiskey and rational thought do not mix. And a wife. I suppose I shouldn't forget that part.
     
  9. ODEN

    ODEN
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  10. Parker

    Parker
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    Her list of demands are ridiculous. Then again I think its worse to not know what you want. Everyone has a pretty long list of crazy specific shit if they want to admit it or not, or write it down or not. Its there, gun to head, we'd all have some shit others of us would be like "Wow that in absurdly crazy." But it isn't, it is just for you and not them. She's also not the only crazy person in the world, there is a guy out there that will fit most of that shit and she'll be just fine.

    Out of anyone's list of shit there is what is called the 80/20 rule. The person you love most in the world will have 80% (85% if you're super fucking lucky) of everything you want. The 15-20% left is the shit that drives you absolutely nuts.
     
  11. sisterkathlouise

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    You do realize that article is just as much of a piece of garbage as the first one, right?

    In other news, they actually gave Amy Webb a TED Talk to explain how she (ever so neurotically) figured out the algorithms on dating websites so you, too, can find your dream mate on the internet! Ugh.
     
  12. Kubla Kahn

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    I couldn't make it past page one either, boring, fucking, drivel.
     
  13. StayFrosty

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    Focus: 1. Doesn't weigh enough to crush me, is fairly attractive, has no STDs. 2. Does not show extreme disgust or apathy when interacting with me. 3. Is not otherwise engaged.

    And for the record, (scientifically speaking of course) if you're doing online dating there's a 99% chance you've already removed yourself from the gene pool, and a 87% chance that this is to the benefit of humanity as a whole.
     
  14. VanillaGorilla

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    TL;DR article:

    Basically, a JAP wants a man who is wealthy, between 30 and 36, 100% competent in everything he does or has ever done (these core competencies span the gamut of corporate relations to home repairs), and mentally records everything his spouse says... ever. He does this because he worships his spouse and knows fundamentally that every word that comes out of her mouth is critically important, even in comparison to his board meetings (he must be on the boards in his career) and wealth management. He must also attend George Michael concerts on demand.

    I'd kill myself.

    FOCUS-
    1- Big boobs.
    2- No kids.
    3- Likes doing things outside.
    4- Really likes dogs.
    5- Knows that they can be wrong.
    6- Likes completely off color jokes.
    7- Can live on their own and understands and practices the basics of self-preservation.
     
  15. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
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    Part of the backlash is that it's incredibly offputting to list your demands like this, but let's not forget the fact that (like Vanilla implied) her demands themselves are ludicrous.

    Motherfucker you think Woody Allen is hilarious because he is a captain of industry who is adventurous and amazing in bed? You want your man to get pissy at petty shit and love your neuroses but also be easy going and confident? You want somebody that hates smoking enough to force you to quit but is ok enough with it to date you in the first place?


    [​IMG]

    My list is mostly as follows:

    1.) be engaging
    2.) don't be a dick
    3.) be somebody who i want to fuck a lot, regardless of how you make that happen
     
  16. JWags

    JWags
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    I hated the woman before I even got to the list. Her exchange with her friend made me hate her. Women, and girls, need to stop with that bullshit. "Making yourself too available" or heaven forbid, dressing like you're coming from work, WHEN YOU'RE MOTHERFUCKING COMING FROM WORK. Those stupid games don't make you look desirable, they just get frustrated from a planning perspective and you look like a fucking flake. I mean, her humor requirements have specific people they should model themselves after. What the hell.

    In her mind, having a RIDICULOUS list of demands and a fucking spreadsheet of dating foibles is ok, but a unique relationship situation, that he was perfectly open about, is not. What a hypocritical bitch. Oh and...

    GO FUCK YOURSELF

    FOCUS:
    Ive been accused of having too picky of tastes. I have a list of things I'd love to have, but like Parker said, there is an 80/20, its a matter of what is in that 20.

    Things I want/need:
    1) Attractive in a consistent way. Ive had girls that wouldn't be around me without 30 min worth of makeup. Thats cool when this is casual, concerning later.
    2) Has a good workout routine/attitude. We all get old, our bodies don't look like chiseled 20 year olds with perfect curves and definition anymore, but I take care of myself, I want you to as well. It goes a long way later on.
    3) Some sort of cleverness, wit.
    4) Can take a joke, isn't serious or easily offended.
    5) Constantly evolving and not prone to going into "relationship" mode. I understand the building of ease and comfort, but I know people who neuter their personalities and habits because there is a certain social malaise that can come with a relationship. I can't stand that and its been a quick way for me to get bored or unhappy in the past.
    6) Independent, not needy

    The first couple are pretty flexible. I didn't put specific bra sizes, height requirements, age, or vaginal shape, which I'm sure Amy Webb would in my place. The last 2 are the most important cause they are my major personality turnoffs.

    Bottom line, its good to have standards and know what you want or are looking for. But when the list becomes more important than the person or chemistry itself, you're gonna be lonely and miserable.
     
  17. Misanthropic

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    [(Thigh gap squared* x number of times she laughs at my jokes + years of post high school education) - (number of times she uses "like" in a sentence + number of ex-boyfriends she mentions on the first date)]/ number of trips to the psych ward

    All prospects yielding an actual numerical value are rejected outright.





    * thighs must actually meet at some point
     
  18. Juice

    Juice
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    What a bitch. I hope the matching algorithm fucks up again and she ends up dating a neo nazi.
     
  19. Trakiel

    Trakiel
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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    I'm gonna steal this. I personally don't know what I really want, but this is a pretty good starting point.
     
  20. Parker

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    Oh and my six. I actually have a long list, but everyone should. Here are the quick ones.

    1) It'd be nice if no one could tell her ethnicity at first glance.
    2) Has a good sense of humor, can make me laugh.
    3) Has a backbone and doesn't think she should be serving me. Also challenging me.
    4) Doesn't smoke.
    5) Has a healthy drinking habit.
    6) Get along with daddy.

    Oh and 7, must not understand my avatar, I'll never be able to keep girls otherwise.