The two serious relationships where I've done the dumping/leaving have not ended well. After a series of attempts to rekindle all being denied, they began with the lies about me cheating, then clamoring on about my idiosyncrasies they once adored. That's not cute, and it won't guilt me into relapsing. For me, if it's gotten to the point where a breakup is necessary it should stay permanent. I've never been in an on again, off again thing. I was dumped and heartbroken once, but I didn't go off the deep end. I did, however, move away, and we haven't spoken since. I saw my high school sweetheart (not considered above, we were 17, broke up when we left for college) randomly at a bar in Denver before I moved to CR. We hung out a few times before I left, but she has a boyfriend and I don't step on shoes. We Facebook it up all the time.
I agree with the first part. At the same time, sometimes the reason for being an ex is just romantic incompatibility. Or mismatched goals and plans. While those are certainly reasons to end a romantic relationship, I don't think it's a reason to cut off all contact as so many others on the board seem to do. Most of my exes were my friends before we dated. It can be awkward for some time post-break up, but I see no reason not to continue the friendship after wounds have been licked and healed. I can think of four exes I don't speak to, and I would refuse to even make eye contact with only two of those. The other two just drifted into their own completely separate lives, but I'd certainly chit-chat if I ever ran into them. The rest are all completely platonic friends. Even the boyfriend I lost my virginity to eight years ago has remained one of my closest male friends and stays over at my house when he doesn't feel like driving home after a late night out. This is right on point. One of the two exes I won't even look at is an evil, fucked up sonofabitch. He cheated on me, smacked me around, forced himself on me when I didn't feel like having sex... And then threatened to kill me when I ran into him at a bowling alley nearly a year after we broke up. He goes to my school, is a regular at the bar I spent a year and a half waiting tables at, lives less than ten minutes away, and pops up in the most random places when I'm around (in the lane next to me on the highway when I was on my way to court?). Lastly, he's a large, angry ex-Marine. I contemplated getting a TPO, but if he was willing to threaten me in public over just being in the same place as him, there's no telling what he'd do if he was able to corner me all alone. Protective orders are just a piece of paper, and the kind of people you're meant to be protected from by it are precisely the kind of people that will ignore it. Furthermore, they're unenforceable until violated. Violation of a protective order is a felony - why not go ahead and beat/kill the person it's supposed to protect? I wish I had the opportunity to pick up and start over so that I never had to see his miserable face again. But my family lives here. I go to school here. My life is here. I'm legally bound to stay in the state until December. I do the best with what I have - surrounding myself with people, particularly guys, and no longer working at his favorite booze spot, but that seems to have had little effect on how frequently I see him. Those people, the ones truly off their rockers, will do whatever they can to find you and make you regret ever meeting them, and a signed piece of paper won't make a bit of difference.
This thread was tailor made for me. My most recent ex is the mother of my son. We still live together and sleep in the same bed. Dating is obviously out of the question for me. She can be a cunt sometimes, but we broke up mainly because we don't agree on anything in life and we're not compatible at all. All of my other exes, we just stopped talking and never got back into contact either due to distance or we just moved. All of them except one. This one happened about 4 years ago. She cheated on me and left to marry some douchebag (and divorced a year later) and I completely dove off the deep end. We talked for a while and hung out periodically until as previously mentioned I went off the deep end. After doing so she stopped talking to me and I realized what a pussy and an idiot I was being and have since moved on. Edit: Clarification.
I've noticed a trend in my dating life. It's this: -Any ex who I dated for a short amount of time (less than six months) either become a close lifelong friend or an ex-with-benefits until one or the both of us found someone else. -Any ex who I dated for a long amount of time (six months or more), I never want to see again. There are only two of these, sure, but I've cut every single tie to both. I just typed out a long Rant and Rave-style story about why I don't want to talk to my long-term exes. Then I deleted it. It didn't matter. The reason I can fuck or be friends with the short-term girls is because either the feelings were never there in the first place or I was the one doing the dumping. With the two long-term exes, I'd loved them (I know, I know, gaaaaaay), and both times I was the one getting dumped. It's much less painful for me to pretend they don't exist than to have to hear about their new boyfriends, their vacations, their lives, etc. Before I unfriended her on Facebook (which I had previously thought to be the most immature thing possible), I was treated to a slideshow of my most recent ex with her new boyfriend Jesus (seriously?) grinding at a club. What good does it do me to see that shit? That's not to say I don't wish both girls all the best. I do. I just don't want to fucking hear about it.
I have one legitimate ex-boyfriend (meaning we were more than fuck-buddies or the occasional date.) Right after we broke up, we still talked all the time. We only lost touch a few months ago. There is no ill-will between us and we can be in the same room together without it being awkward. On the other hand, I have an ex-fuck buddy who I avoid at all costs.
I've been that friend, the one that stands up for the woman, makes threats of his own and carries them out. It's earned me a criminal record, a myriad of broken windows, lights, etc. around my home, and a near-miss when the rat bastard attacked me with a hunting knife. If someone like that is willing to go toe to toe with a scary looking native dude like me, then what's stopping him from harming those you're trying to protect? It's a total loss situation and the cops can't be there for you because the law restrains them. All I know is that you can't always fight fire with fire. This isn't the dark ages. FOCUS: I don't keep in touch with any of my ex-girlfriends. Reason being, they interfere with newer and possibly more important relationships. I'm still on speaking terms with every girl I've dated or fucked, and if we come across each other by chance I'll chat for a few minutes, but that's the extent of it. As a result I have very, very little drama in my life.
Some people burn bridges..I have been known to Nuke them Can't say that I talk to any of my ex's at all or that I even want to Two of my Ex-girlfriends sent me cookies and other care package stuff while I am overseas; I shared the stuff with my private's and got them to taste test all of the stuff, can't be to careful when it comes to possible poison goods.
FOCUS: How are your relationships with your ex(es)? Do you still drive by on your anniversary and burn a picture of a penis into his/her lawn with acid? Do you have secret trysts away from the prying eyes of your now-current significant others? Did you turn an ex into an ex-with-benefits? Did you reconnect with your high school ex at a reunion? I don't talk to most of my exes. I'm of the "girls fall faster, guys fall harder" school of thought. If I find myself actually caring for someone I don't even want to hear from them after the relationship ends. It's just too difficult. There is one ex I still hear from. She probably hits me up at least once a month, via text or facebook. I used to respond to her shit back in the day, but at this point I realize it's better if I just ignore it. The reason we broke up in the first place is because of her crazy ex. He set her sheets and comforter on fire on the front lawn after he witnessed us having sex in her bed (long story.) He still calls me to this day too. I'll get random phone calls at 3 in the morning from blocked numbers, and if I pick them up all I hear is his creepy breathing on the other line. It's fucking bizarre.
The first 2 serious relationships I had led to each of them being one of my closest friends, despite being my ex, something that has continued to this day. In both cases, the breakup was kind of nasty, initiated by me mostly due to immaturity, uncertainty, and just overall lack of any sort of relationships acumen. But fast forward to 3 months later, things got hashed out, talks were had, and we realize that we are too important to each other, and know the other too well to walk away from any sort of friendship. One ended as a long distance relationship, so the distance definitely aided the healing process. The other was me selfishly wanting to be single going into my senior year of college. If I was older and more mature, that relationship could have easily been much longer term, she really is an amazing chick and she is the only one of my ex's I am fiercely protective of, cause she got unfairly screwed over once (by me) and thus deserves the world from future relationships. Since those two, my exs have been anywhere from cordial acquaintances/casual friends to people I just have no desire to see or talk to. My most recent ex, while being a sweet girl, is handling our severed relationship like a fucking headcase. She broke up with me, but decided over a month later she had made a mistake and wanted to get back together. However, by that point I had mentally and emotionally moved on for self-preservation sake. She reacted to this little rejection by making all our subsequent interactions awkward and usually involve her getting too drunk and making a fool out of herself. We still text/chat semi-regularly, but in person, she cant seem to stay sober. We have a couple of the same friends, so we see each other on a semi-regular basis, such as Friday. That was swell as she immediately assumed I was trying to fuck every girl I spoke to and took to chastising them for speaking to me cause "you know how he is." White bitches be crazy. Also, Ive never hooked up with an ex after we broke up, which puts me in the significant minority amongst most of my friends. The drama just isn't worth it to me.
I'm sure everybody has a friend that is the "once I had her she's mine forever" type man. I have one friend who still talks too and occasionally sleeps with all his ex girlfriends. He had four serious ones and they are still all in his life. I always was a bridge burner, once we broke up we stayed broken up.
I have rarely had bad breakups. Most of the time they've been amicable; sometimes immediately and sometimes after a little period of adjustment. I can say that some of my exs are still my best friends, and I attribute that to being friends before we got together. In the past, I've had a couple of exs ask me, as I'm walking out the door, if we can still sex. I would always tell them no. Then I stumbled upon the uniqueness of "ex sex". It's just that little bit wrong and you know you shouldn't be doing it, which makes it exciting. You're no longer together, so you don't have the worries that go with the relationship. On top of that, you already know each other's bodies and likes, so you don't have that awkwardness. I'd had a couple of exs now that I've hooked up with after we split up. They've all gotten better under the circumstances. Even if it's only mental, who cares?
I've had one serious relationship in my life and my ex is of the "I want to stay in your life because I am jealous, possessive and like it when my insecurities make everything in our lives fucking suck" persuasion. So she hits me up from time to time - most recently when she returned from a European holiday. The holiday must have been awful. The girl is a passenger, a sidekick, which isn't a bad thing in and of itself however this can manifest itself in somewhat unpleasant ways.