The El Cinqo de Drunko thread 5/07/10!!! |THEMED THREAD|

Mother's Day on Sunday, I already got the obligatory presents and cards, just finished with finals, an insane month of work, and finally got around to mowing the grass. Nothing to do but sit on my ass this entire damn weekend and drink.

I'm going to try making beer can chicken on the charcoal grill this weekend. I have no idea what it entails other than sticking a beer can up a chicken's ass and adding fire, but damnit, I'm going to try it.

Any ideas would be appreciated (especially in regard to the type of beer I will be fucking the chicken with).

 

Hold on hold on hold on hold on. I've got it:

Drink-o de Mayo.

Hold on I've got it again:

Louis Vui-tard.

 

Been drinking draughts tonight. Nice taste but so fucking gassy.

I get to work the whole day with my mom on Sunday. Great.

 

I don't even like Beck's. Just thought that I'd somewhat contribute to the theme.

 

Since this thread is in commemoration of cinco de Mayo, have any of y'all heard about this bullshit:

<a class="postlink" href="http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/05/06/california-students-sent-home-wearing-flags-cinco-mayo/" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.foxnews.com/us/2010/05/06/ca ... inco-mayo/</a>

Students in a San Francisco area school were sent home on cinco de mayo for wearing clothing that displays the American flag. What the Hell?!
I wonder if they have a "No Japanese paraphenalia" rule for December 7th.

This reminds me of the homecoming games when I was in highschool. On the day of the homecoming game (The North side Cougars vs. the South side Bobcats), students were forbidden to wear a shirt for the opposing team for fear of fights and violence.
Of course, every year people did it anyway and were sent home or sent to ISS.

I was going to put this in the rant and rave thread, or suggest a new one, but this seemed fitting.

 

A few notes on the story

1. Cinco de Mayo is rapidly becoming about as Mexican as St Paddy's Day is Irish. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

2. Considering that it commemorates a Mexican military victory against the French, why are American flags considered incendiary?

3.

- the kids were sent home not because they were wearing flags but because they didn't put them away or turn them inside out or whatever. Fox wouldn't run a story about the weepy parents of the kids who brought Mexican paraphernalia to class.

4.

As a matter of curiosity, how many students at the school aren't American citizens? It just seems a remarkably odd comment that for some reason seems to equate "these are American kids" with "these are white kids" or "these are good kids" or "these kids aren't troublemakers". By definition, "Mexican-American", as much as I hate these hyphenated combinations of an ethnicity and citizenship, means you're an American.

 

After my workout I decided to hit the hot tub. Apparently it is free guest day. As I walked to the pool I noticed there were ~15 kids under 7 in the hot tub.

Can you imagine how much piss is in that tub right now?

Fuck.

Working on my second beer, and going out for J's birthday dinner tonight. Free booze.

 

Getting into a six pack of Holy Moses White Ale from the Great Lakes Brewery...nice, very nice. Almost bar time...I hate all you Celtic fans.

 

I've just been sitting back and enjoying some coors light and playing the Halo: Reach beta. Not sure if I'll be going out to night or not, that depends on the roommates.

Tomorrow night we have tickets to the Bedlam baseball game at the bricktown ball park. Game doesn't start till 7, but we'll be going down there around 3-4 to sit at the restaurant in the park and get good and drunk. Stupid NCAA events that don't sell beers, how the fuck are you supposed to watch a baseball game without a cold beer?!

 

I enjoy tits. This thread should have more tits. And smiles. Smiles and tits.

 

I was weed eating in the yard earlier, and my neighbor that I hardly know came over on his golf cart and gave me a beer. He said, "you know, as long as I've been living here, I've never heard a weed eater running in this yard. I figure you're hard at work and need a beer. By the way, you've really got this place looking good." I should add that I've only owned my house since November.

I really appreciated that.

 

Chhheeeeah my pulled pork is both done and remarkably tender. The damn thing nearly fell apart while I was taking it off the grill.

I will bring this home to my parents and show them how and from which cut of meat one makes pulled pork. My mother makes it from fucking tenderloin and puts it in the crock pot in a tomato-based sauce. My dad at least has the decency to smoke the stuff, but doesn't brine it or apply a rub.

I have also decided that, contra PETA, if I were an animal I would derive a lot of meaning from knowing that I would be delicious after I was dead. Similarly, I would derive some meaning knowing that anatomy students would be able to joke around with my skeleton after I'm gone. Okay, yeah, organ donation helps other people exist for longer, but donating your body to science (and delicious food) helps them live.

And you know what else? If there were a kind and benevolent god out there, then all the delicious foods wouldn't give us cancer. Damn you, drug bioactivation enzymes! Damn you and your converstion of benzene rings into epoxide reactive intermediates!

 

I'm getting ready to pull my pork. I think by the time I'm done pulling,
it too will also be remarkably tender.

I will not, however, be bringing it home to my parents for inspection and consumption.

 

Alright drunk thread, here we go. A couple of my friends managed to get tickets to the Canucks game tonight, so I'm just watching at home and power drinking. We're meeting up after the game, and they are just going to be shit faced drunk - obviously. We'll see how drunk I can get myself.

FUCK CHICAGO JUST SCORED! FUCK CHICAGO! IF YOU'RE FROM CHICAGO, FUCK YOU!

EDIT: Sorry, I almost forgot.


Anybody who has ever had sex with Scarlett Johansson is never allowed to ever be mad/sad/upset about anything. "Aww, my whole family died in a bus crash!" Shut up, you fucked Scarlett Johansson, quit bitchin'.

 

Just because no one has done it yet, here is the thread theme song.

 

I have nothing of great thought to say at this time.

Spoiler

 

This man has legitimately super-human powers:

NSFW

Yeah, that's a youtube video with uncensored titties.

 

The good news: As it turns out, the Canucks losing and taking stupid penalties in the most important game of the year so far makes me drink faster than I ever thought possible!

The bad news: FUCK ASS SHIT BITCH CUNT FUCK NUT LICKER ASS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Because I can see the forest for the tits, errr trees, the asshole on the left with the impish look on his face and his hands in his lap and the woman seated beside him trying to grab his arm cracks me up! That shit should be a Caption contest!

"PACO! Quit staring at those boobies!"

Yeah. I got nothing.

I am home after going to the house of a friend of my middle kid. The adults had some beverages and the kids had some pizza and a fun time was had by all. Now I'm home drinking Parrot Bay, orange-pineapple-apple juice, grenadine and cherries. In a few minutes, I'm going to kick hubby off the HDTV and start me up a file of The Darkness. Thrilling!

 

Could someone tell me if I am just retarded, or if this is actually funny, because I find it hilarious.

(Turn your sound on)

Really, turn that sound up