Starbucks is pretty good about customer service. One of the things that drives me nuts is going there and they're out of coffee. And I'm not even talking about rush time. Seriously, all they make is coffee and profit. I don't go off on them anymore, but I don't conceal my displeasure on my face very well either, so I get a coupon-like thing for a free cup of coffee. It still astounds me though. They have this huge store footprint, and only 2 of those coffee brewers behind the counter.
I can only imagine. You should try working in parts(automotive/industrial/marine) and see fucking idiots for customers. I really should start recording the idiots that come into the store, but that would take up about half my day. There are many types of idiots that come into the store, but the two major types. The first are the ones that thinking everything is standard on every piece of vehicle/equipment. Yes on some vehicles/equipment/engines some things are fairly standard, but that isn't the major of things. And the other type is the ones that come in ask a bunch of questions, then say you are wrong, because someone that they know told them other wise. This is really noticeable with fisherman, "some guy on another boat told me different so i am going to go with what he says." Sure what ever the fuck you want to do, my boss that just spent the last 20-30 minutes with you only has been doing this same job for 45 years, know nothing.
I'm a consultant, so instead of 'customers', I have 'clients'. Sometimes they're awesome, sometimes they're idiots. This morning, I have dealt with two that have left me, in the words of Tim Minchin, "like a rabbit suddenly trapped in the blinding headlights of vacuous crap". Unfortunately in my industry, the 'customer' can't always be right... 1. Client X wants to bring a new product to Australia... Angel: "Awesome! Okay, send me all your test reports so that I can review to make sure that you won't run into any snags with the Australian authorities. Oh, you don't have the data? Wait, how do you not have copies of the test reports that you paid $2M to run?" Client X: "We sent them all to the Canadian authorities with the Canadian submission." Angel: "Wait, you sent the originals? Why didn't you make photocopies?" Client X: "Because it was a lot of pages. No biggie, we can just ask Environment Canada to send us a copy of what we submitted" Angel: "Well shit. Are you aware that you are obligated, under the Canadian regulations, to hold a copy of the submission that you sent to Canada? Asking for a copy from the authorities is going to wave a pretty big fucking flag that you're out of compliance. Let me talk to your legal team..." 2. Client Z has a new product that they want to market internationally... Client Z: "Our marketers want to say that this product is 'known to cause cancer resistance'" Angel: "Does it?" Client Z: "Not exactly." Angel: "Then you can't say it." Client Z: "How about 'might be suspected to cause cancer resistance under certain circumstances'." Angel: "No." <pause> Client Z: "Shit. (shouting into the background) Mark, get that truck back here. We've got to take those labels off. They can't say the cancer thing." Angel: "YOU ALREADY HAD THAT SHIT LABELLED AND ON THE TRUCK???" <pause> Client Z: "Maybe."
There is a flip side to this, that being the CS person who doesn't know his ass from a hole in the ground. I went to an auto parts store once and ordered 2 electric fuel pumps. (Bear in mind the guy knew what type of set up I was running: Big block Chevy, dual quads, big cam, high compression, etc...) The conversation went like this: Me: "I need to order 2 Holley part #xxxxxx." CS: "No you only need one. Me: "I have 2 thirsty 660 mechanical secondary Holleys and I may not NEED 2 fuel pumps but I WANT 2 fuel pumps. He ordered me one. I didn't find this out until I went to pick up my order. Two weeks later I ordered header gaskets. He told me exhaust gaskets are the same thing, I explained to him that no, they're not. He ordered me exhaust gaskets. Once again, I didn't know until I went to pick up my parts. That fucktard was personally responsible for my car being over a month late getting on the road. I finally started driving to another town where the store would order me what I asked for without fucking it up.
Technically, at my job, I don't have customers, but I do have to perform what my department calls "customer service." This means you return your voicemails in a timely fashion (which I do) and be polite and professional at all times (which I'm not). You have no idea how hard it is to be "polite and professional" when someone is telling you what a horrid person you are for locking up their baby. Among some of my favorites from the last FOUR DAYS: POLITE AND PROFESSIONAL: Momma: "Ma daughter is 8 months pregnant! How can ya have her arrested? She's gon' give birth any day! Ma grandbaby can't be born in no jail!" Me: "Ma'am, your daughter will have access to an ob/gyn while she's in the jail. I assure you she'll be taken to a hospital to give birth." Momma: "Yeah? You gon' make sure she be taken there?" Me: "The jail wll make sure, yes." Momma: "I gotta call the jail so I can pick up the baby when it's born. Then I gotta find someone to watch her other three babies while I do that." There are no words after that gem. Four kids, girl is 23. NOT SO POLITE AND PROFESSIONAL: Daddy: "Why y'all have a warrant on my daughter?" Me: "Testing positive for cocaine, failing to report, failing to pay restitution, new misdemeanor charges of Giving False Name to Law Enforcement." Daddy: "Well, she's clean now. Can't you just dismiss the warrant? The warrant's over 2 years old." Me: "It doesn't work that way, sir." Daddy: "This is ridiculous. It's not like she killed anyone. She just stole a laptop." Me: "Oh, well, I'm sure the victim that lost her laptop doesn't quite feel the same way." Daddy: "She's had a hard life, and you hammering on her doesn't help." Me: (now having lost my patience) "You know what, sir? This attitude is exactly why your daughter doesn't feel like she needs to take responsibility for anything. And I'm glad you've spoken to me because when she is arrested, I will have her taken off the jail docket and seen by the sentencing judge, since you will not be the one to hold her responsible for her actions." Daddy: "You don't need to do that." Me: "Too late." Daddy then proceeds to hang up on me. To a probationer and their family, hearing a case will go back to the sentencing judge for a revocation is akin to hearing the state will seek the death penalty. The sentencing judge is never happy to see someone back in their courtroom that can't get their act together on probation and thus, the penalties are harsher. POLITE AND PROFESSIONAL: Wife: "Can you tell me your recommendation for when he goes to court?" Me: "In the case of new felonies, I recommend the balance." Wife: "Oh, my word, no. But he was doing so good on probation!" Me: "I know. That's why it was so painful to see him fall off the track like this. I don't do this to be a hardass. I do this because it's my job. I wish he had made better choices." Wife: "Thank you, Officer Pink." Me: "Call me if you need me." NOT SO POLITE AND PROFESSIONAL: Momma: "My son has over six years left on probation and you want to revoke the entire balance?" Me: "Ma'am, your son was already charged with stalking b/c he wouldn't leave this girl alone, he was warned, had a revocation, served 60 days, and then as soon as he got out went back to threatening and stalking her by text and email. Now he has a felony aggravated stalking. That is the reason why I'm asking for his balance to be revoked." Momma: "Ma son went into prison at 18 and when he came out he was 15 mentally. Ma other sons say I make excuses for him, but you can't understand. Putting him in prison for six years isn't going to do a damn thing and he wasn't stalking her, she was stalking him." Me: "Oh, really? Have you forgotten what the investigator in south Georgia told me about how you sent her a text right as he was being arrested that said 'You're gonna die for this, bitch' and he was about to arrest YOU for that?" Momma: "Uh, uh, uh...wha...thanks for your time." Me: "Of course." I think it's safe to say I won't be winning any customer service awards from my department for answers like the ones above.
I worked numerous government jobs dealing with the public. A group of more self entitled nutjobs you will never find. People would blatantly make shit up to you after you told them what the deal was and then would blame you after the fact claiming that I changed the info...including times of major events simply because the actual time didn't suit them. 2 good stories come to mind. While working for a state senator's office every year we would have an accountant come in and do peoples' taxes for free. For like 2 months once a week(alterantely days) the accountant would come in. obviously, this was by appointment. People would always try to get me to give them a different day to be a "sport" like I was holding back on them and lying about when the accountant was or wasn't there. One day I get a call from an old lady. General jist of the convo is: Me: Senator's Office Lady: I want to make an appointment to get my taxes done Me: Sure thing. <list a bunch of dates and times when he will be there> Lady: None of those are good for me. Can I come in tomorrow morning? Me: No. The accoutant won't be here. Lady: Well why can't you do my taxes? Me: I'm not an accountant. That would be illegal. Lady: *huffing and puffing* Fine! Give me Wednesday! Me: Ok the first appointment is 5pm. Is that good? Lady: oh no. no. I don't leave my house at night. I need it at 9am. Me: The accountant doesn't come in till 5. He has a day job. Lady: can you do my taxes for me at 9am? Me: Once again. I'm not the accountant. Lady: This is unbelivable! I don't go out at night! Fine I'll take it! Wednesday comes. Miserable rainy day. At 930 when I open my office this lady is standing outside. Before I even get the key in the door she is on my back harping "I have a 9am tax appointment!" To which I casually respond "No you do not." She keeps insisting following me into the office until I point out to her the schedule. She proceeds to go into dramatics how she feels faint and can't believe this happened. Once again asks if I can do her taxes for her. I tell her no. Another rant about her not leaving her house at night. She leaves. Shows up at 330 for her 5pm appointment and spends an hour and a half staring at me expecting me to do her taxes. A year or so later I am working with the Census right before they started doing the door to door surveys so we were hiring thousands of people to conduct them. For this you needed to take a 2 or 3 day class these classes were basically held anyplace which would give us a spot for free so schools, churches, libraries etc. Now, when we created a class we would generally try to have everyone who works for the same crew leader in the same class. Also, on the computer once you create a class it is final. You can not add, remove or change names from said class. Only way to do so would be to delete the whole class and redo the class from scratch. Obviously we were told never to allow anyone to request a class change. I was put in charge of a table whose job it was to call everyone who was hired and tell them where and when to report. Why was I put in charge? Because I was the most senior member. I was in the department for 5 days(previously worked in recruiting for a month) and everyone else was a new hire with less than 2 days experience. After a few hours of working I notice one of the girls is getting extremely flustered on the phone trying to explain to someone that they have to go to their assigned training site. I take the call and ask what the problem is. The guy immediately launches into a rant how is Orthodox Jewish and his training site was "Mary Queen of Heaven School" and how he refuses to step foot in a Catholic Church because it is against his religion. I try explaining to him it is not the church, it is the school and it is the auditorium. He keeps demanding it be changed. I said it is impossible and that the classes were assigned by computer and to whom you are supposed to work with. He keeps demanding it be changed how this is discrimination. I try to reason with him stating "You're not going into a church. Even if you were they aren't forcing you to pray there. I would have no problem walking into a temple for job training." Wrong thing to say. I get called everything in the book from anti-semite to nazi get the whole screaming rant about what his people have been through. I'm fed up with this guy and go "Listen. If you don't go to that training site you don't get the job period." One of the supervisors happened to be wandering around at this point hears this and freaks out "NO! We can't discriminate! We have to change it! We can't get sued! Equal Oppurtunity Employee!" He takes the call bends over backwards for the dude. And some poor slob in the back office job for the next 2 hours was manually deleting the class. Redoing the one by one with everyone but this jewish guy in it.