The coolest man on earth

None of us could ever hope to be as awesome as this guy. <a class="postlink" href="http://www.montrealgazette.com/life/Canadian+world+fattest+contortionist/4349560/story.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.montrealgazette.com/life/Can ... story.html</a>

I don't know where to go with this. Time to earn your money mods.

 

The title of "coolest man alive" (or "coolest woman alive") is something that's certainly debatable. While I'm not sure who I'd vote for, Thomas Baker definitely has to be on the shortlist. He's a Medal of Honor recipient. From his Wikipedia entry, which paraphrases the official medal citation:

I've read that story many times and it's almost too heroic to be true for me. My question is - didn't the 6th or 7th Japanese soldier think "you know, maybe I shouldn't go investigate that pile of bodies over there?" But I digress.

FOCUS: Who are your candidates for coolest humans? Provide rationale.

 

Larry Ellison? LARRY ELLISON? Larry Ellison is a boil on the ass of humanity.

Where have you gone, Mr. Buffett? Our nation turns its lonely eyes to you.



Woo woo woo.

 

I knew him professionally as Powermann. NOT funny. Just fat and and annoying. I'm thrilled to see he found a suitable environment to "perform" in, but he seriously should never be refered to as a comedian. That's just not right.

Focus: Charlie Sheen... I keed! Oprah? No? I don't think I'm very good at this.

 

Ryan Milliron. Why? Because hes Milly, bitches. I win.

 

I've posted about this Ben Salomon before - but I think it bears repeating.

One of my university lecturers was a pretty spectacular guy. He was just a weird lecturer who used imaginary friends, sock puppets and flash videos of ninja ping pong to make economics really interesting - but we saw him carrying the Australian flag at the commonwealth games and decided to look him up. The dude was 25 at the time, and had escaped ethnic cleansing in Bosnia when he was 12 by stowing away on a plane and smuggling himself undetected into Poland, where he didn't speak the language. He worked on the streets of Krakow while putting himself through high school and was in the top percentile nationally for his academic results, before the news team who rescued his mother found him 4 and a half years later. They flew him to Australia - where he didn't speak the language. He learned English over the course of the summer, enrolled in a bachelors degree with a double major in accounting and economics, graduated with almost perfect marks a year faster than his program was supposed to complete, got his masters degree in law while teaching undergrad economics and volunteering in his spare time to teach migrant kids English, and came out with nearly perfect marks again, in half the usual time for the program. While working for a national top 5 law firm, continued to teach 3 units a semester while doing his doctorate of laws and continuing to volunteer his time to teach kids English and representing migrant kids rights on a bunch of national bodies and doing really worthwhile stuff. He finished his doctorate at 26.

This guy could easily be earning 500k a year as a golden child for a law firm. Had every access to the fast track and incredible brains. Was young Australian of the year, had working relationships with a bunch of the most senior judges in the country from previous works. Etc. He's heading a customs unit now on fuck all money - doing hugely important work revolving around protecting kids and volunteers a shitload of time helping kids from disadvantaged backgrounds and doing pro-bono work representing migrant kids who need help getting through the maze of bullshit to avoid having to go back to the third world. I swap emails with the guy from time to time - he lives like a monk because almost all his income in addition to his time goes towards helping kids. It's not breaking the sound barrier or anything - but the guy has accomplished so fucking much, in the face of such fucked circumstances, and uses all of it to help kids, because he's a good person.

 

I can't second Yeager and Jack Ridley more.

The Right Stuff was a good novel, but certain liberties were taken. If you really want to learn about Yeager (and Ridley to a lesser extent) read Chuck's autobiography, "Yeager." It's fucking awesome Triple ace in WWII, fighter pilot in WWII, Korea and Vietnam as well as the greatest test pilot of all time? Done. He's an amazing man. I had the great pleasure to meet him at an Edwards AF base open house in the mid 90's when I was just a kid.

 

Nope you are good, I 2nd Sheen. Focus: "I am on a drug," Sheen said. "It's called Charlie Sheen. It's not available because if you try it you will die. Your face will melt off and your children will weep over your exploded body."

 

Douglas Bader.

You become a top ace in WW2 with no legs, and later try and escape nazi capture... again with no legs.

 

Mike Rowe



If the sheer magnitude of his experience doing every sort of gross job you can think of (squeezing poop out of baby chickens, putting your arm inside a cow's ass, biting the testicles off of a lamb) isn't enough, he was a professional opera singer before the Dirty Jobs gig.

 

Fuck yeah. I know that every day wishing I didn't give a fuck what other people thought. Then I could shoot a woman in the arm. And punch a co-ed. And throw another woman to the ground.

That would make me so cool. Not as cool as threatening a woman at knifepoint or choking them, but damn, a man has to start somewhere.

 

I second Mike Rowe. He's been one of my "celebrity crushes" for years. Sure, he's attractive, but the crush stems from his awesomeness. I love that he was a classically trained singer, and he just makes even the nastiest/foulest job at least interesting.

 

Good to see things are back to normal.

 

Reinhold Messner. Game over, man.



He was the first human to complete a solo climb of Everest. Without bottled oxygen. At the time, most scientists thought climbing into the Death Zone without oxygen was impossible and fatal. And this accomplishment is waaaaaay low on this motherfucker's list of jaw-dropping feats.

When every other mountaineer in the world was ascending peaks in the classic expedition style, with sherpas, stocked camps, fixed ropes, and massive support crews, Messner said, "Fuck it, I'm going deep." He climbed using his patented light-and-fast alpine style, often by himself, reaching summits in mere hours that took others days or even weeks. He spent three decades pretty much raping the fuck out of every mountain in the world by the hardest routes. In this way, he became the first man to climb all 14 of the 8,000ers, or mountains higher than 8,000 meters. This includes K2 and Annapurna, two of the deadliest peaks in the world.

He lost three toes and his brother on Nanga Parbat, which only seemed to piss him off. Once he got too old for the Himalayas, he took a break by walking 1,700 miles across Antarctica. Oh, and he spent 12 years searching for the Himalayan Yeti, an animal he claims to have found (and presumably beat up). He now lives in a castle, herds yaks, and talks shit about all the pussies trying to follow in his footsteps.

 

If we're going military, I'm not sure how you can top the most decorated soldier in WWII.

Here's his Medal on Honor citation.

 

He's also the inspiration for a pretty solid album.

 

I saw these videos a few months ago, this guy has my vote. But unfortunately I do not know his name:

 

I would love to see really good parkour people running from the cops. That guy is more of a hybrid magician though, maybe that would make it even cooler.