Focus: What's the hardest part of being a man/woman to you? Inspired by a Reddit comment that effectively determined that the hardest part of being a guy was this sense that sex is a gift, or something to be earned, not when both parties want it. I've found multiple orgasms to solve that particular pickle. For me, the hardest part about being a guy is not ever feeling comfortable with being vulnerable. If I'm feeling any emotion other than rage, it's difficult to express. Maybe it's my particular foray into masculinity, but it's hard to emote without it being childlike or feminine.
Relevant Reddit thread is relevant - https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/3ws26a/what_is_the_hardest_thing_about_being_a_man/ The one that probably hit closest to home - "Asked a girl for her number yesterday. She replied "Why?" and I fucking died inside." Being a shy, quiet, nerdy dude and not being a million feet tall makes dating/relationships not super fun in general. I can sometimes have a hard enough time talking to people in general. The pretty girl at the bar? Fuck that. At least having a girlfriend now who sorta understands my personality helps a lot. It's still not an experience I would want other people to have to endure.
Focus: Having to explain for the gazillionth time since we were 13 that 'Yes, we think about sex all the time. Yes, it really is basically all we want from a woman. Yes, the ugly ones too. And yes, it never gets old seeing that look of surprise on your face over these glaringly obvious observations."
Started dating a girl this summer, and we decided to stay exclusive while she's away for school this semester (Tuesday can't come fast enough). One of the many things we talked about was not fucking for an extended time, despite the sexts we'd send and sexy Skype times we'd have. It was/is seriously a trip for her. As a young, hot girl, the concept of a 'dry spell' has been completely foreign, ever since she started having sex. She thinks she may have gone as long as month -- maybe -- and the perplexed face she made when I told her I went almost six months before meeting her was hilarious. This lead to another eye-opening discussion (for her) about the frustration all but a very select few guys go through in wanting to have sex more than anything, but not being able to. Sex thoughts can be distracting even when we are getting laid regularly. When we're not, it borders on mental torture. Conversely, for the majority of girls, if they just want a boning, it's entirely dependent on their standards. A super good looking, charming dude still has less of a chance of picking up a random at a bar than a frumpy five female does.
I would say as a guy, it's the cultural expectation that we need to prove ourselves to women all the time, and they just get to be right. Gatekeeper theory, I guess. We are the ones that are always auditioning, always having to do the extra work in a relationship in order to maintain balance. Maybe that's just the type of relationship I've generally found myself in. I often comment to my wife that we have a stereotypical 50's marriage, only with the genders swapped (I'm a full time student on the GI Bill right now, so she's pulling in 80% of the money).
I'm concerned with my own shortcomings more, of which there are many. The idea of masculinity is sometimes absurd to me. I barely give a thought to what my traditional societal role is supposed to be. How I am perceived socially does affect me though. More in line with the focus: rejection. That's a bitch. As said a couple times already, the onus is on us. I feel like it goes beyond breaking the ice, into all aspects of a relationship. Some guys don't give a shit, some do. I am suspicious of the type who don't give a shit. I'm also suspicious of fools who think they're entitled to a positive response for being a doofus. So, basically, fuck everyone, I'mma go get me a sammich.
Other women. In general, we are pretty cunty to each other. I don't necessarily mean all women being shitty to each other at all times. Like the majority of people, I have a handful of lifelong girlfriends and some amazing women in my family. I mean women in the workplace, acquaintances, extended family, etc. More often than not, women are judging, gossiping, creating unnecessary conflict with other women. If we made a consistent effort to support each other and treat each other decently, we could rule the world.
Im struggling to come up with anything that isn't sex related or sex adjacent. How our economy ever got based on the profit motive instead of the blowjob or titty motive is really beyond me. All jest aside. I think the whole "you just need self confidence" is the hardest thing to deal with being a guy. I liken it to the "beauty" standard women deal with. You can be born with it but if it didn't come naturally it can be, for some and probably more than most are willing admit, just as hard to live up to as the beauty standard. One example I always loathed, and it makes logical sense too, is the whole, "Babe Ruth struck out 70% of the time to be the greatest, you have to do the same approaching women etc." Basically you have to become numb to the intense pain of rejection to an seemingly sociopathic level. You know if you just ignore that gut wrenching feeling that makes you feel like shit enough you'll be on your way to getting laid in no time. It doesn't surprise me that dudes have their minds warped by this experience and turn their self loathing and hatred outwards towards women. It's not right and it takes a lot of self reflection to avoid this, which is why you see so much misogyny spewed from certain areas of society (internet keyboard types). It's something that is not really brought up that often, usually dismissed by statements like, "you just need to man up" or "you sound like a bitch." Social anxiety can take years of therapy to correct if you even get that far.
Coming to grips with your mortality. You're not going to get shitfaced five night a week forever, you're not going to always have a Stop sign on your wall. Past injuries start to hurt again, and you need to come to grips that Halftime is here/on its way and you haven't done enough. Ah yes the Midlife Crisis. I wonder in what form it will make ME go nuts? Miata purchase? No-talent mistress? Some douchey fucking boat named "Phase One"? It's coming for all of us boys, buckle up.
This. I'm 38 and can still pass for early 30's based on me being in pretty good shape and still having my hair but, I've noticed that I'm slowing down. I can't run *quite* as fast as I use to, not *quite* as strong as I use to be, a gray hair here and there, etc etc. But, I know that I'm right around the corner from becoming "middle aged". Injuries take just a little longer to heal, small parts aren't quite as visible up close. I'm not entirely sure how I'm going to handle it just yet. I'm sure it will involve a Corvette and possibly a career change.
If you're going to get the expensive car, please make sure it doesn't result in you living in an efficiency apartment. I've seen it. A little more than once.
Being 6'7" and having doorknobs conveniently located at dick level. The whole fucking world is designed for people a foot shorter then me.
I think for guys there's a certain amount of pressure to fit into a certain "type." You're the body builder, the handyman, the nerd, the business guy, the partier, the cowboy, the musician, whatever. Pick a lane and stay the fuck in it.
I thought nerd and business guy would go well together, wouldn't it? Or do you mean loser-neck beard types? And I've been a cowboy-handyman plenty of times.
I wish I could remember the source, because I've read it secondhand twice now. In a nutshell, a research experiment was done trying to uncover the biggest fears that men have towards women and vice versa. The paper came to the conclusion that the deepest fear men faced was sexual/romantic humiliation and rejection. That the fear was so deep that it governed their behaviour and how they operated within a sexual/dating context. Women's biggest fear of men is that they would be physically beaten or killed. So if you wanted to draw a parallel, particularly with lower status men who are fearful to date, they equate their fear of rejection with your fear of death. Something to think about. I actually think being female almost always works to my advantage, so I can't say there's too much about it I feel is a hardship. Like Shegirl said, periods get pretty old. The silver lining is that hey, you aren't pregnant. The only times in my life I've actively wished to be male are when I have to go into a dealership service bay (because the big auto companies just don't take women seriously), or when I don't have the physical strength to lift something on my own.
Tucker Max actually spends a whole chapter on it in his most recent book - that the reason female selection exists and the reason women look at clothes, small talk, body language, approach, etc. is all based on a primal drive to not get killed by a potential suitor. So I guess to get a useful lesson out of it, for dudes who are afraid of rejection, try to see it from her perspective: her literal survival depends on determining whether or not you are a threat.