Not in my neighborhood. I had the only one. I was knee deep in pussy at 7 years old. Too bad there were only two girls on the street.
I'll tell you the secret behind ol' Evil. Morphine. He knew if he hit the jump wide open that one of two things were going to happen. If you make it, you feel like a king. If you don't make it, you go to the hospital, they give you morphine, you feel like a king. Win, win. I lived my early "adult" years by those words and had my fair share of that intravenous magic.
Did anybody else see the replay of Zay Jones standing up from being prone, basically using just his big right toe? How the heck did he do that? https://streamable.com/fen12 https://streamable.com/0wqx3 I can't embed these, but they are just short video clips, taken from here: http://www.businessinsider.com/video-showing-nfl-player-levitating-is-100-real-2017-11?r=UK&IR=T
Fucking great. One of my sisters is one of those celebrity wannabes, attention whores who thinks she farts glitter and snowflakes, and she somehow convinced a film crew to think she's worth a reality tv show. This means that tomorrow night I have to go to a dinner that will be filmed as a kind of pilot episode to pitch to execs at bravo or A&E or hgtv or wherever the fuck they're from. I fucking HATE "reality" tv, I hate everything that it stands for, I hate the people who are obsessed with it, and I give my wife endless shit for watching it. I also hate being on tv, under any circumstances, unless I do something that will help society in a meaningful way and deserves the attention. I've had to be on camera for a few things before and it is fucking miserable. "Ok, we really liked what you did there, but it didn't feel genuine enough, can you try it again so we can get another angle on it?" No you shithead, go away and let me be. My instinct is to make enough of a scene tomorrow that I'll scare them off with my sailor mouth and aggressively offensive comedic sensibilities. But given the content of reality tv, I know that's the exact fucking crap they want. So instead I just have to shut up, smile with my wife and kids, and hope it turns into one of the hundreds of thousands of other pilot episodes that never make it to air.
We won’t believe a word of this shit unless you make it to air. So start polishing the guns and get the caffeine enema loaded and ready.
Dude... opportunity is knocking, so open the fucking door. Just be yourself... go light the back yard on fire, shoot at a wild boar and knock yourself over, get your nipple bitten off by a badger, light some more shit on fire, concuss yourself by trying to light a fart on fire... then proceed to ask everyone their names over and over again explaining that you have a brain tumor. Then YOU get the show, and your sister fucking hates you for life. Win win.
What would make a really, REALLY funny reality show is if they pretended to give your sister the show and follow her around and acted like she was the star, but in reality (see what I did there?), they were just using that as a pretense to get furtive access to you, and were filming you all secret like... kind of like "are you seeing this shit?" "Don't look directly at him... you'll spook him..." (said in your best Jim Jeffries voice)
There's always a loaded gun in the glove box of my truck so lord help me if a hog shows up, it's gonna be lord of the flies type shit but with fewer flies and more me lording over my domain. I actually do kinda like Nett's idea of hijacking my sister's thing though. She's been an insufferable shithole for decades, and yet we are supposed to put on that "happy family" type shtick for her sake because... I don't know why. So maybe not hijacking it, but certainly sabotaging it. I prefer to think of it as me catalyzing karma. It's already coming her way, I just give it a little shove where it was going anyway.
Nah you give people rope and watch them hang themselves. The KGB didn't kill people, they just happened to be around a lot of "accidents."
Apparently I am no longer the only one with this plan. After discussing things with my wife and another family member, we are now plotting a takeover. They brought up the valid point that we were merely told to attend, not be on our best behavior.
I'm telling you, subtlety is key here... if you make it too obvious, it will look contrived, and boring, and they'll just roll their eyes and fuck off.
Well I want them to fuck off. Isn’t that the point? Destroy my sister’s hopes and dreams and make the cameras go away, two birds with one stone, all in one hilariously evil swoop. Only point in playing the long game is to try to kill her dreams slowly in front of her. But I’d rather them just implode all at once.
Her divorce already did that. Beat me to the punch. Maybe if she didn’t give him sex a few times a year (according to her), he wouldn’t have cheated on her.