I'm still sick. I'm WAY bitchier than normal. I'm tired of coughing. My ribs hurt and I can't sleep. This shit sucks worse than Juices momma. Note to all of you young fucksticks; the older you get the harder it is to shake even the common cold. Like worse than the Herp. It's Mothers Day weekend. I get to spend a total of 6 hours in a car tomorrow. Good times. Focus: What are your plans? alt Focus: How do you "do" being sick?
My plans are to give my mother some little something that she doesn't need or want, and will ask me a few days later if it's something I might like to just keep. Also, one of my sisters will come to town and take my mom to lunch on Sunday. Somewhere following, she'll text me to make me feel guilty about it, and then I'll remind her that, unlike her living in another state, I see my mother 2-3 days a week, including regular visits to her house to help her fix things, and then my sister won't bring it up for another year. In years past on here, somebody would tell you to use Airborne or Cold-eze to shorten the length of the cold, and then somebody (was it Ghetto?) would say we're all a bunch of idiots for thinking those snake oil things did any good.
I am planning to do fuck all, which is my right as a mom. The kid that earned me the title is with her dad this weekend going to a cousin's graduation. Tonight I'll be live streaming the Russian Sherlock Holmes with some other nerds. Tomorrow I might buy some flowers and herbs to put in pots on my balcony. Then watch Doctor Who like a nerd. Sunday I will be watching the BAFTA television awards red carpet and ceremony, which is the British version of the Emmys. It's being hosted this year by Sue Perkins of the Great British Bake Off. Have I mentioned that I'm a goddamn nerd? If I am at all productive this weekend, it will be to finally put away 2 weeks worth of laundry (which I usually do while watching the GBBO). I am very much looking forward to it.
I do sick by sleeping a lot and laying on the couch watching TV and drinking copious amounts of pomegranate cherry crystal light because most of my feeling shitty comes from dehydration.
Focus: Blue Jays game. We go every mother and Father's Day weekend if they are in town. We have TD club seats which you know is snazzy because the beer is even MORE expensive in there.
I spend sick days being a wimp and alternating between the bed and couch binge watching Netflix. I'm taking my mom out to dinner tomorrow night. Nothing fancy but she'll be happy.
Since I'm divorced from Li'l Bandit's mom, and my own mother has been dead for over 20 years, Mother's Day means nothing to me; it's a fucking made-up holiday to begin with. As far as my actual plans for Sunday, I'll be moving. Yeah, I'm losing the house I'm in, and moving in with Jungle Julia, something I swore I would never do after I got divorced (move in with a woman). Funny story about my move: I almost burned FIVE hits of acid last night. Spoiler I was cleaning out my desk, where I'd been keeping our supply of acid. I had a bag of old paperwork, business cards, receipts, etc., that I was going to burn, but the bag wasn't quite full enough to torch yet. When JJ came over last night, somehow the issue of our next trip came up, and I went to check on the hits, AND THEY WEREN'T THERE. Cue me tearing apart everything that was left in that drawer and in the general area, with no luck... It was getting late, and Jungle Julia said that I should just get to bed, and maybe it would come to me later. On the plus side, even IF I lost the hits, they were freebies; we bought in bulk last time, and we got some bonus tabs. However, this was weighing on my mind all day, and as soon as I got home from work, I started going through that trash bag. I found them in a bundle of old business cards. Philalawyer had a similar story in Happy Hour is for Amateurs, only it was mescaline, not LSD. ALT. FOCUS: I "do" being sick by not "doing" it. I've got an immune system that kicks ass. I haven't had more than a runny nose since before I went to prison. I attribute this to the way that I sterilize my insides with alcohol.
I've got a toddler and a wife who teaches 3rd grade, my immune system is the type Carlin used to talk about. Blackheart rum on promo at the ABC, 9.99 for a fifth, don't mind if I do.
We're going to grill out and ask my dumbass cousin questions about why he broke up with his fiancé on her birthday two days before they graduated college. I should also mention they closed on a house (with her grandma paying cash) about 3 weeks before. It's going to be glorious. So much stupidity to unpack. That's what your ass gets for judging my choices in college a decade ago. I like the guy, but there's just too much schadenfreude to pass up. My mother is in on this game so it's a family bonding moment. I'm with Dixie. I don't really get sick. In the event I do I just push through unless I'm contagious, then it's the standard lounging and Netflix.
I took my mom out to dinner so I'm already done with mother's day. Last year I mailed her some stuff that was supposed to arrive on Sunday, and ended up being late (it got there on Monday). That Sunday night she called me in tears saying 'she was having a break down'. Apparently my gift and my siblings' gifts were late and she freaked out because none of her children even thought of Mother's day or whatever the fuck. She was so hysterical I could barely understand her and I eventually got her to accept that the gift was just coming late, and managed to text one of my sisters into calling her so I could get off the phone. I wish I was kidding. She's always been a bit loopy, but in fairness that was an unusual level of overreaction.
Alright, y'all. I was challenged that I haven't had the right tequila. So I got an airplane bottle of Casamigos anejo. I was told it was aged. I am gonna drink it straight. Gonna watch some Archer while I sip it, I'm behind on episodes.
Ah, that's why you didn't get the HILARIOUS joke I posted up above. Good luck. We're all counting on you.
I'm aware that I'm super lame. The tequila was meh. I didn't hate it. It had a nice burn. But I wouldn't seek it out. Anything involving Genderswap Poovey and Chinese whores is bound to be hilarious.
Reason # 425262789 why I hate big city people: It was one of my co-workers birthday. Another co-worker called her and said "Hey! Let's go out for breakfast for your birthday!" My friend didn't really feel like going out for breakfast, but figured the co -worker was being nice, so she said ok. They went to Dennys. Where it was a free breakfast for my friend since it was her birthday. The co-worker ordered 2 breakfasts and then said "Okay....your half of the bill comes to...." Bear in mind....we've all worked together for 3 years and we get paid pretty well. I would've ditched the bitch with the bill for her two breakfasts, but my friend ponied up her "Share." Fuck that noise. And then there's one of our temps. I swear she thinks I'm the dumbest man alive. She keeps flirting with me. She's like 24. "I feel so comfortable with you." My subtle hints of walking away and rolling my eyes have been met with "Have you ever modeled?" I don't like to be mean to people, but Jesus I may have to. I can only put up with so much obvious bullshit before I snap.
My Mom passed in January so not really enjoying the Mothers Day stuff everywhere. I am looking forward to next weekend when I am doing a Cancer walk in her honor with a bunch of friends.