Just got back from what was probably the best fishing trip I've been on with the boys. The summer has started off really, really early, and not only was the ice off the mountain lake we go to, but there was a full algae bloom and monster hatches. The fish were practically jumping into the boats, and each of us landed easily 30 trout on chironomids, with the largest being 4.25 lbs. (weighed and verified, as money was on the line). We stocked up with enough booze to last us, well, a bit more than a night, apparently. I took 2 handles of Crown and a flat of beer, with everyone else bringing similar amounts, and we were heading to town day 2 to replenish supplies. The only shitty part was I watched a car scream past me on the highway on the way home this afternoon, only to get hit big time by a flash flood and hail, and hydroplane off the side of the road and roll down a 30' ditch to land on its roof. I was car 3 on the scene, and the two guys that were in it pulled themselves out just before the car caught on fire, and I did the amazing job of helping the Greyhound driver lay out some flares while they waited for EMS to show. Go figure... drive like idiots in high-mountain roads and you can get yourself in some shit. Now time for a nice long bath and a nap.
Did you know you can drink the neck out of a corona and replace it with tequila and lime juice with groovy results? Try it. You will not be disappointed. I was told to do it with bacardi limon but didn't feel like going to the store. Will try again later and post results.
Happy Memorial Day. I'm in NY working the Yankees game today & I know we have some New Yorkers in here. Some of the crew would like to head down to China Town for dinner. Any Suggestions for where we should go?
I like coronas. I know some people think they taste like a sweaty armpit but they go down smooth for me. I've never had a Dos Equis though so I can't offer an opinion on that one.
I played Cards Against Humanity with two grandmothers...the queefing discussion was the funniest thing that has ever happened. Then I dropped my phone in the sink, spoiling a perfectly good hookup. Now, I am doing soul food collards, pintos, cajun fried chicken and garlic mashed potatoes) as an attempt to redeem said hookup. http://coed.com/2015/05/21/adult-film-stars-funny-tweets-twitter-dana-dearmond-lexi-belle/ Twitter isn't good for much, but it provides a lovely window into crazy minds. Also, Prednisone can fuck stumps. That shit is awful.
Apparently god has decided today would be a fun day to try and kill me. Just got back from the lake, where a 1 hour drive turned into almost 4 because a thunderstorm developed on top of us we tried to out-run the paths of various tornadoes and tornado warnings. Of the half dozen or so confirmed tornadoes that were in the area, we saw 3, two of which were uncomfortably close to the interstate and the third of which developed literally right the fuck on top of us. I have never been so close to shitting myself without actually breaking that barrier in my life. I think my body got confused -- do I drive, do I watch, do I poop? I can't do all three at once. Damn, those fucking things are powerful. Amazing that just wind can literally shred an oak tree.
I've spent over $300 in the last week on this damn cat. $300 for the vet to tell me this fatass has diabetes? No shit! I'm such a sucker for this kitty.
That pose alone is worth $20. Keep a tally. Anytime the kitty does something that makes you smile, subtract from the total. Occasionally yell, "You aren't earning your keep! You still owe me $160 worth of cuteness!"
Negro Modela and Corona $300. That's cute. My ex-wife's 18 year old cat was awesome, and one day a tooth was a bit crooked, so we took her in to the vet to get it taken care of. Then come to find out the cat has diabetes, and has to spend 3 days/nights in urgent care to get that under control before they can care for the tooth. After that, they go to remove the bent/bad tooth only to find out most of her jaw is rotten, so they end up pulling 11 teeth. Just take a wild-ass guess as to how much pulling 11 cat teeth costs... and you're probably not even close. The cat has to spend another 2 nights in "urgent care" to recover from the oral surgery. When we go to pick up the cat, the vet actually looked embarrassed by the amount owing, so much so that he "threw in" a lot of the extractions. Even then, it cost me a small, used, but relatively nice car in vet bills. I paid less for the BMW I had. Of course, my wife was in tears, and said we should have just put the cat down, but this cat showed up to the ex's front door on the very first night she moved away from her parent's place when she was 18, and had been with her ever since. And I was spending tons on cars and racing, so there was no way in HELL I was even going to flinch at paying that bill. Did it hurt? Yep. But totally worth it. It was even worth it to have to give her 2 shots a day of insulin to keep her diabetes in check.
I ate an entire jar of pickled beets last night. I can't even begin to describe the fear and trepidation I feel as I approach the bathroom door. God have mercy on my soul (totally kidding...I'm a redhead, so obviously no soul). Perhaps some moral support from the experts would help. Paging Bewildered and Juice to the courtesy phone...
Nah, I give him way more credit than that. I can totally see him using this as inspiration, and then coming up with some Rube Goldbergesque contraption involving steam power and explosives.
I'm here for you baby. Hold my hand and squeeze. My best advice to you is lots of water before and an Uncle John's Bathroom Reader for during. After, feel free to take a lap around the house. That's what my dog does and he seems to be pretty carefree.