my freshman year, my moron friends and i went hiking outside of boulder. we went up there pretty much to get high. we were on the trail, then decided we wanted some place private to smoke, so we went off the trail. we got so ripped we ended up becoming disoriented and once we got back to the trail went the wrong way. instead of walking back to the car, we ended up walking to some random spot. the trail emptied out on a random dirt road and we had no idea where we were. not only that, it was dusk and getting dark fast. naturally, we went the wrong way on the road and ended up in a neighborhood of meth shacks, so we turned around and went the other way. after a few hours on the road we came across random house. this random house had a light on and looked inviting, so we stopped in and asked for help. we were by a reservoir and it ended up being the dam keepers house. not only was he there, but he was amazingly nice and gave us a ride back to the car. my optimistic friends have described before as a minor miracle. i consider dumb luck, nonetheless.... focus have you ever experienced something so extraordinary that it seemed like it a miracle.
when i was 4 or 5, i walked along side my mom who was pushing a stroller in an annual city wide 5k downtown. i think my sister was running in the race but my mom was just pushing my little brother in the stroller and speed walking with me next to her. now, about at the age of 4, my mouth turned on. for awhile there, my mom's girlfriends were telling her to take me to the doctor because i never spoke. at age 4, they started calling me motormouth. i would not shut up for anything. so, at age 4, i was really annoying the shit out of my mom. follow the people, she said. mkay. little bewildered followed the crowd of people right into a public parking lot, a parking lot that my mother did not park in. i wandered around the downtown area, crying my eyes out, until a car slowly pulled up next to me and a young man and woman called out the passenger side window to see if i was lost. i don't remember much, but i do know that i ended up in a hardees with some police officers who fed me tater tots. i was later reunited with my mom who was crying her eyes out and a complete mess. to this day, i still love the shit out of tater tots. it's a miracle that nice people picked me up and i didn't get raped by a bum downtown. on second thought, i don't remember anything from the car ride so it's quite likely that they finger banged me before dropping me off and i've just blocked it out. bumpity what!
so a couple of people lured you, a 4 year old who was alone, into a van and later dropped you off at a fast food chain. thats no miracle.... maybe i should add taking my truck to the top of mount evans. mind you, not a big deal until you consider it has 227,000 miles and is an old arthritic truck. not only did it make, the climb was only 9000 feet from my apartment, it actually works better now.
similar story, but i was 3, i walked out of a mall at christmas time while my mom pushed my sister in a stroller, i was found by my mom's friend, and the police bought me mcdonald's.
the first, and every subsequent, time i've ever gotten to play with a girl's fun parts. i swear i see god every time.
i don't know about miraculous, but the husband and i got seriously lost on an unintentional hike on hong kong island a few months ago and ended up trekking through some sort of jungle wilderness for hours looking for a main road or a human being (not that we'd have been in any position to communicate anything other than pointing impotently at our sad cartoony map) as the sun went down and the miscellaneous bugs came out. between the two of us, we had half a bottle of water, a pack of strawberry tic-tacs and our sad little map. it was 46 degrees plus whatever jungle humidity added to the mix. the frustrating part was that we could hear a road over our heads - we knew it was above us, but we couldn't get to it for all the trees and rocks in the way, and the nearest footpath to that road turned out to be miles and fucking miles from where we started. when we finally popped up, a group of japanese tourists took our photos as though we were bear grylls.
i once did a complete backflip out of the back of a lifted toyota pickup when the driver dumped the clutch. i was holding a nearly full cup of keg beer and very little was spilled in the process. i am 6' 3" and weighed in at a svelt 3 bills at the time. i landed on my feet like it wasn't a thing.
driving home in the rain, i hydroplaned across 3 lanes of traffic, right to left. i wound up against the guardrail off the left hand lane on a very narrow shoulder - and not more than 10 seconds after my car reached that position, a semi truck came barreling past at umpteen miles an hour, missing my passenger side door by a couple of inches. a few more seconds or inches either way and i'd be dead.
once i had to drill a 1/4" diameter hole through an odd-shaped wood block about 14" long and didn't have a decent setup to do it with. i was stuck between a rock and a hard place and had to use a drill press that could only drill barely past the halfway point in the block and a vise that could just barely grip the block. after setting the block in the vise and checking alignment several times, i flicked the machine on with a trembling hand and dug in as far as it would go. flipped the block over, did my best to re-set it, and drilled again. screwing this up would ruin the project and frankly i did not expect to see the holes i drilled from either end line up on the first go... but lo and behold they were absolutely dead on. Spoiler a friggin' miracle, i tell ya...
in my younger idiot years, i made a monterro do a backflip hitting a hill going about 50. wasn't even buckled up and walked away with just a few minor bruises. i can still hear my buddy freak out as he unbuckled not realizing he was upside down and i was currently sitting on the ceiling. there is no way i should have survived that crash. insurance ended up paying more for the totaled car than i paid for it too. now if i can just get that off my insurance report, i'll be golden.
when i was in my early 20s, and a lot more stupid, i had been out drinking and getting high with a girl i was madly in love with. we had a nice evening together and when i dropped her off at home an old friend of hers was there she hadn't seen in many years. she went inside with him and naturally i was jealous, pissed off, and self-destructive, so to alleviate my frustration i floored my 1965 impala ss and ended up doing 80 miles an hour the whole way home on a winding road with a speed limit of 40 tops. when i was literally around the block from my apartment, i see blue flashing lights pull up behind me. i had a bag of weed in my pocket and i was definitely over the limit. i was still so pissed i didn't give a shit and when i saw the cop in my rear view mirror, i stopped, slammed the car in park, got out of the car and proceeded to aggressively walk over. surprisingly he didn't get out. the first thing i said to him was "i'm really sorry. i know i was speeding, but i just got into an argument with a friend and i was really pissed off." he said, "i've been following you since (insert street name i can't remember)", which was pretty much the entire trip. he then asked to see my license and registration so i handed him my license, went back to my car and got my registration, walked back and gave it to him. he never once got out of the car, and i think my anger somehow covered the fact that i was drunk. he checked everything, saw i had no tickets or anything, but for the life of me i can't remember anything he said after that. he didn't even give me a ticket. i absolutely should have gone to jail that night and i will never uderstand how i got away with that. to this day, even as i write this story, i can't understand how he let me go and had no idea i was drunk. the minute he pulled away it all hit me and i started shaking like a leaf. i sat there for a few minutes and went home. it was the last time i ever drank and drove.