So, news of the first zombie attack has broken. Focus: news footage of the first zombie outbreak breaks. Your move. What do you do now? Go and sweep the colleague you've been lusting after for years off her feet into a passionate embrace? Start thinning the herd, starting with your boss / husband? Flee for the hills? Embrace our new carnivorous overlords?
Bump. I have a short list of people I've always wanted to fuck who'd race up the list in the event of any imminent zombie tide. But as always, my apocalypse plan is to assess how long it's likely to be before I can go back to a comfortable living working with computers. Then either do that, or if it's likely to be more than 6 months of having to work for a living, and I classify running from zombies and living off the land as Work, no fucking doubt, then find the nearest hospital and take the morphine express out of that bullshit.
I will hang out with Tyra Banks, since the utter absence of brains will disinterest them into attacking us. Other than that, just read one of the ten million various zombie apocalypse survival guides you can find in the humour section of your local bookstore.
Survival first, sexytimes later. Although my plan for survival includes gathering a large group of friends together so we can form some sort of community, where any hottie I know will be recruited. Can I be Rick Grimes? I never thought about thinning the herd first. I'm sure it would be easy enough to knock off some people amidst the chaos and confusion. Don't forget to watch the various TV shows/movies as well. Who knew Jesse Eisenberg would be a fairly good source of information when it came to Zombie survival.
DO NOT LOOK AT THOSE PHOTOS. DO NOT LOOK AT THOSE PHOTOS. DO NOT LOOK AT THOSE PHOTOS. Focus: I swear I had something, but I need some Gravol or ginger ale now.
I actually had a zombie nightmare last week. Amid the utter chaos of debris and smoke and dead people, I was with a few family members. My brother in law and their oldest girl was there, but they couldn't find my sister. The whole nightmare, I was simply overcome by anguish and dismay. I tend to have a lot of nightmares about my family. Especially lately. Not sure why. I guess my first step would be trying to wrangle everyone up, which would probably end in death for me, since I have 5 siblings + parents across 4 states on the mainland, and I am across the Pacific in Hawaii.
Apparently this zombie was one of those Resident Evil 5 zombies: Has anyone ever thought that besides the horrific death, actually being a zombie wouldn't be so bad? You don't feel pain? Eat brains every now and again. Not really be conscious of anything at all. I'd probably just suck and fuck like any doomsday and take the easy drug OD way out.
And assuming zombies do need to eat to survive, they will all be extinct soon enough after our own demise. So, even if it was horrible, like if some part of your consciousness was trapped inside, it wouldn't last too long. Not like being a ghost or some eternal shit nightmare.
Hide out at the family ranch, eat ice cream and anxiously clinch my asshole. Something tells me getting eaten by zombies is a slow, painful death.
I thought everyone, including zombies, knew the proper dinner etiquette for consuming a meal. You start with tossing salad and move on to the main entree. Duh...
Silly me, I always assumed zombies were a little more mindless than that. Does Emily Post have a chapter on the manners of the undead? I mean, it'd be nice if they had to follow the same etiquette as the rest of us, but I'd imagine expecting them to pick up a shrimp fork with their rotting fingers is asking a little much.
I'd be sitting in the desert. Hopefully the armory issues M16s and ammo to everyone, and we can go hunt the Yuma zombies.
I live on the east coast, so as far as escaping away to someplace relatively unpopulated, I've got my work cut out for me. There's a police station a couple blocks down from me, so I'd probably head for that. Problem is, everyone else will likely do the same thing.
Time to load up the boat and head out to an island on the lake. I've read World War Z - I should be relatively safe out there.