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Taking Matter Into Your Own Hands

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Pow, Sep 16, 2013.

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The Ass Was

  1. Fat

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  2. Not Fat

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    31.3%
  1. Pow

    Pow
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    Experienced Idiot

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    The loneliest ritual

    How do you get to it when you're alone and have needs? Most of us are probably pretty proficient at this potential skill, but rarely do people compare notes. Mentions of particular methods in the drunk thread had me thinking - I bet there are better ways.

    Catch: A collection of wash cloth 'dirty towels' near the bed
    Ambiance: A bed full of pillows where I can promptly transition into napping
    Source: typing whats top of mind followed by 'porn' or 'naked' into bing, xvideos.com, porn thread
    Special occasion: little bit of lotion or oil
    Toys: Pamela Handerson

    Focus: How do you do the lonely dance?

    Mod Alt-Focus: How does porn use affect it? Are you a porn user?
     
  2. Noland

    Noland
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    Emotionally Jaded

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    This is foul. Get some Kleenex or toilet paper so you can just flush it when you're done. You seriously keep a collection of come rags around your bed? Are you 16?
     
  3. Juice

    Juice
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    Moderately Gender Fluid

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    It depends on the situation and how much time I have.

    If I have an open afternoon and the place to myself, I get completely naked and send the cat to fetch me my iPad. I open up my favorite video site, xvideos, and search for something I'm in the mood for. It's these special occasions that I search not just for a video, but the *perfect* video. You know the one. It's that special video that gets your jollies going like no other, even if its just for that one time. Maybe you've never seen it before or maybe it's a hallmark from your spankbank that you look back fondly on.

    Once I find it, it's crank time and I stroke like a genie will emerge and grant me some wishes. After my euphoria, I find my go-to jizz rag. A 1992 WWF Summer Slam T-shirt. Is it gay that Ive wiped off many a load onto Macho Man Randy Savages beard? Maybe. But Id rather use that than a sock that I may absent mindedly try to wear later on, and I don't like to get my crunch on with a sock.

    If I'm in a pinch, I can hold my shirt up with my mouth and rub one out lickety-split.
     
  4. Kubla Kahn

    Kubla Kahn
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    I honestly do not get people that spray everywhere then have to wipe up their stomach/chair/couch/bed afterward. I hold what ever Im using to catch it right over the tip so it catches everything as it is expelled. Lord knows you are going to lose track of at least one roper doing it the other way. I prefer paper towels over tissue or toilet paper because it doesn't disintegrate and stick to your cock like the others do.


    And yes, I use sexy facebook pics of girls Ive hooked up with to help aid in the fantasy. There are plenty of pornstars out there and approximating past hook ups is rather easy.
     
  5. Juice

    Juice
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    Precisely. We have belly buttons for a reason, and I'm pretty sure to catch our jizz when were done shaming ourselves, and of course, The Lord.
     
  6. JWags

    JWags
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    +10000000

    Once I started shooting into a soft pair of boxers or the like, clean up became far easier. And Aloe lotion all the way. As for materials, I just torrent the hell out of whatever new filth Brazzers or Mofos or the like has for me. In my younger, thirstier days, I used to troll IRC channels and rip passwords and logins for some of the big sites. Then my internet got shiesty and downloads would get disrupted, so I switched to torrents and never looked back. I don't have time for buffering and lagging time jumping when I'm loading 8 different videos on youporn.
     
  7. Nom Chompsky

    Nom Chompsky
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    Honorary TiBette

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    Don't be lazy people, paint us a word picture.

    Are you lying down? Seated? Hunched over a bowl of Frosted* Flakes? Righty? Would you use a toy? You rubbin them nips? I know you're rubbin them nips you kinky lil slut.




    *Well, eventually.
     
  8. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    Just call me Topher

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    This should be standard practice. Logically, anyways. It depends on what your freak parade is, I personally love the challenge of trying to snap a batch before my ride on Space Mountain ends (What? It's do-able). But hosing it everywhere? What fucking idiot actually DOES this?
     
  9. Angel_1756

    Angel_1756
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    The Big Four-Oh

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    Seated in our home office in my desk chair, legs on the desk, left fingers on my clit, right hand manning my vibrator of choice. If I'm feeling particularly self-romantic, I'll move to the spare bed in there. If I'm feeling particularly voyeuristic, I'll engage the mirror on the door to watch what I'm doing. I rarely watch porn for assistance, just the first few minutes to get myself started. I like working off of memories rather than fake images. Or sounds. God, sounds do it for me. I'll just shut the monitor off and listen to the sounds of fucking. Equally good.
     
  10. TX.

    TX.
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    The Mad Pooper

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    Scented candles. Dim lighting. Lionel Ritchie or Barry White depending on my mood. I lock my cat in the bathroom so that I don't have to avoid his kitty eyes judging me. The. End.
     
  11. Noland

    Noland
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    I feel like I'm doing something wrong. You all seem to put a lot more thought and effort into your self abuse than I do.

    If I find myself alone in the house I'll think it's a good idea, find something halfway interesting on the internet and five minutes later be back to flipping channels.
     
  12. R_Flagg

    R_Flagg
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    Except for the rare night I can't quite fall asleep, I usually crank one out in my computer chair right after I shower. I have a pocket-pussy I bought a few years ago (and since I've kept it clean, remains good to go to this day), and a bottle of KY heating lube, which are my usual means of inducing orgasm. I lay down a towel or something on my chair, bring up xHamster, and find a video or some pictures that look mildly stimulating, and after a few minutes of porn my imagination is running full bore. After that it's a simple matter of lube up the pocket pussy, do my thing, wash the pocket pussy clean in the bathroom sink, and move on with my day.

    I don't really get why anyone with fifteen dollars and access to the internet even uses their hands these days; male or female. Spending a wad of cash on a Fleshlight or an expensive vibrator isn't strictly necessary; you can buy something adequate and a small bottle of lubrication for about the price of a decent meal at a pizza joint. Especially men; shooting off in a pocket pussy, and giving it a quick rinse is far better than wiping your hands on a towel or the closest article of clothing.
     
  13. Rush-O-Matic

    Rush-O-Matic
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    You guys are all weird. I just go over and jerk it in my neighbor's hot tub like normal men.
     
  14. gamecocks

    gamecocks
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    The thread says by yourself. Not you and a buddy hanging out.
    [​IMG]
     
  15. Rush-O-Matic

    Rush-O-Matic
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    Question posed was "when you're alone and have needs" so I didn't think you'd have trouble reading. Though, if you're into doing with other dudes, and projecting that on others, I won't judge.

    Besides, that first guy looks nothing like me.
     
  16. shegirl

    shegirl
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    Redemption Seeking Whore

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    I know far too much about you guys.
     
  17. Rush-O-Matic

    Rush-O-Matic
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    ftfy
     
  18. Pow

    Pow
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    Experienced Idiot

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    So when I blow a load that covers 2/3rds of the area above my wife's hips I'm supposed to wipe it all down with kleenex and toilet paper? I'm pretty sure toilet paper is the worst thing in the world for this anyways. Plus she puts them through the laundry. Then I nap.
     
  19. JoeCanada

    JoeCanada
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    Sometimes I use a condom.

    God that feels good to finally admit.
     
  20. PIMPTRESS

    PIMPTRESS
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    I don't get all fancy and light candles. Sometimes porn or some sort of erotica will get me in the right frame of mind, but I don't watch it while rubbing one out. I have toys, but tend to prefer to let my fingers do all of the work. Shower time is generally where I get this done, with one leg up on the side of the bath, or in bed. I don't need lube, if I'm turned on I am wet enough.

    I do masturbate every day, sometimes twice a day. Is that normal Tibettes?