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Take that, motherfucker

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Angel_1756, Feb 1, 2010.

  1. Angel_1756

    Angel_1756
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    The Big Four-Oh

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    A coworker of mine is having some trouble with local vandals. Her husband's work van was broken into and a diagnostic computer and some tools were stolen. The noise woke them up and he chased the kids down the street until they threw the backpack containing his stuff back at him. Police were notified but didn't do anything since the merchandise was retrieved and the kids got away. This was two weeks ago.

    Last night, their other car was paintballed. Again, the noise woke them up and they saw a car peeling away from the driveway. The husband recognized the car from the neighbourhood where he saw the kids running - it's an older woman who fosters troubled teens. They filed another police report, but nothing will come of it.

    Focus: What should she do? She hates the idea of just letting it go, because it gives these idiot kids the impression that they can get away with it. But she's worried that, if she does anything about it, they might retaliate again. She's got young kids, so it's a fair worry.

    Anti-Focus: What shit did you cause in your mis-spent youth?
     
  2. VanillaGorilla

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    I'd booby trap the hell out of my property, Wylie Coyote style. It's my understanding that as long as the landowner isn't trying to physically harm trespassers, everything else is fair game. The first thing I would do is lay down some nail strips in hopes of fucking up their tires. Next, I'd set up some baby monitors around my vehicles in hopes of hearing them in the act. Finally, I'd wait for as long as I had to to catch them in the act.

    I recently heard about a farmer in Arkansas who was struggling with out of state hunters trespassing on his property. When he found them the first time, he sternly told them to leave. When he found them the second time, he pulled the valve stems out of every tire on their truck. Surprisingly, the trespassers called the sheriff and reported him. The sheriff dismissed the whole thing, assuming that the trespassers would have had enough. When they came back the third time, their entire truck mysteriously caught on fire and burned to the frame. Once again, the sheriff didn't do much.
     
  3. Mantis Toboggan M.D.

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  4. Euphonious

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    When some neighborhood kids tore open the bags of grass my dad had put together after mowing and spilled the contents all over his car, he did the logical thing: he watered the lawn daily and waited until the next time he would cut the grass. When he was done and the bags of grass were tied again he staked out the front yard from inside that very car.

    And we all knew when he caught them because when a grown man punches a teenager in the face he lets out a piercing scream not unlike that of a small child. It was midnight and my front yard sounded like a nursery.
     
  5. villagebicycle

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    Fuuuuck I typed out a ton, but apparently control + w closes the current tab. Curse these large, clumsy hands.

    I'll just condense my story into this:

    When I was a young little turd, a few neighborhood kids and I terrorized this one nerdy kids house by relentlessly dingdong ditching. We then donned roller blades, and skated over, and rang his bell. His father, like some type of pudgy ninja sprang forth from his parked car in all black and shone a flashlight at us, screaming "AH HAH CAUGHT YA FUCKERS".

    Except we were wearing roller blades. And didn't even attempt to flee after ringing the bell. We just asked if they had been getting these damn doorbell ringers, and said we had been too and thought it might have been the punk ass kid on the other street. Bam, outsmarted an old man camping out in his car.

    Focus: Flaming bag of turd on their door step.

    But seriously, if they know where these fuckwits live, TELL THE LADY FOSTERING THEM! Nothing like disappointment from a parental figure to make someone feel awful. And if they don't, and repeat the offenses, then invest in a wireless network camera for 120-250 bucks depending on level of fanciness, catch the shits in the act, and threaten to pursue legal action or show it to the cops.

    OR if you want retaliation, hunt down their car, quietly break several dozen eggs on the car, then dump kitty litter on it. Make sure the sun rises early the next day and that it will we pretty warm. Deflating the tires wouldn't hurt.

    Personally, I think it's weak and cowardly to steal/fuck with other people's shit. I'd sooner get punched in the face than have my car keyed or house egged. That's why I suggest confrontation. Then again, I don't have a wife and small kids.
     
  6. Pap

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    Poop on their shoes. Their shoes, dude.

    Focus: Organic eggs. They're three times the size, and twice the price.
     
  7. Aetius

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    Walk over to the foster house, gather the children around for storytime and tell them about their father. Tell a tale of the most horrendous, worthless lowlife you can come up with and then finish, "Of course, he was just one of your mother's customers, your father could have been one of any number of lowlifes."
     
  8. Elset

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    Reading this thread is making me all sorts of angry. Obviously, like everyone else said, I'd try to catch them in the act, but I don't know what I'd do once I did. I'd probably just yell at them and kick some stuff. That oughta do.
     
  9. Mike Ness

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    There is a good chance that they are the same group of kids. Also as much as you hate to hear it ignoring them may work, because they love the reaction they get as well as getting chased. The thrill of someone chasing you is much more fun than shooting a parked car with a paintball gun. Still the theft is too much to let go.

    Do a little re-con, do you know any of the neighborhood kids? Any stories from the neighbors? Do you have any friends that are local police? This is a good time to use connections. Otherwise if you really want to get even the best idea was from Chater, set out some bait that they simply can not resist. Wash your car in the middle of the day so they see it, leave a case of beer in the back, or a PS3 something tempting. Then wait somewhere with a clear shot of the target and make sure you have some larger, older, (preferably fit) men to chase them down. If and when you catch them don't be surprised to get some whiny 14 year old's with one punk 16 year old that are more frightened on their parents than the police.

    Good luck, I've dealt with something similar over the summer. My neighbor get getting her house vandalized, so I hid in the bushes and caught the kid's around 2 am. I had envisioned all these cool little torture tactics (nothing serious of course) but they cried right away. I ended up feeling sorry for them and they washed our car's all summer. However there is a huge difference between eggs, paintball and larceny. I still think leaning on a police officer friend would be best.
     
  10. Maltob14

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    Buy a cheap ass gun and use some marbles instead of paint balls. Make sure its a cheap gun because this is a one time use thing.
     
  11. BrotherNumberOne

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    If there's any way you can gather evidence showing that those specific foster kids are responsible, you could look into suing her or the Govt department that governs foster moms for damages, etc. What the fuck do I know, though. I'm no lawyer.
     
  12. Samr

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    I'm a big advocate of violence, especially if it's funny. That being said, the best way for your co-worker to end this is to catch the kids swiftly, on camera, then go to the police with the evidence. You could go to their mother, but if these are troubled kids, chances are they already have some file somewhere and your report will be helpful information to add to it. Also, any physical violence exchange is just going to escalate and both sides are going to end up worse for it.

    So here's my suggestion:

    Good

    Better

    Best

    Or if your co-worker and her husband are really just looking for an excuse to fuck with some kids, don't get a paintball gun. Get a pellet gun, cheap scope, and snipe them from the comfort of your own home. Aim for the legs, arm, and backs as they're running away. That way you can tell the police you were just defending your home, as opposed to staking out and waiting for your prey to come into range.

    [My brother, in-law and I used to keep a daisy red ryder BB gun on the porch where we'd drink. When one of us would go off to piss in the grass, if they forgot to tell us not to shoot, they were considered fair game. We'd wait until the target was in mid-stream and then unload. That way, they had to make a decision: either continue pissing and get shot at least a dozen times, or run for cover and risk pissing on themselves.

    For the record, those things sting like a motherfucker. Especially when you're shot point-blank. Had to pick the bb out of my legs after that one.]
     
  13. scotchcrotch

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    In grade school my friend and I made a pimp-ass clubhouse in the creek that was fucked up by vandals.

    How'd we retalliate? Guerilla style.

    We put shards of glass in the climbing rope.

    Not sure how this can relate to your situation, but make'm bleed

    Edit- I guess true guerilla style would be smearing feces on the glass to infect the wound. But "viet-cong" hadn't entered our vocabulary yet
     
  14. cw0322

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    Thank me later.

     
    #14 cw0322, Feb 2, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  15. PewPewPow

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    Find the perps' car and fire-bomb that bitch. Nothing says "don't fuck with me" like a molotov through the back window.
     
  16. Kubla Kahn

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    If the twerps are old enough to drive you could always tamper with their break lines. As my dad once told me, you prick holes in the line with needles so that it slowly bleeds out and doesn't arouse the same suspicions that are caused by obviously cut break lines.
     
  17. Crown Royal

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    I recently caught a car theif trying to break into cars on my street, and I (regrettably) whomped his ass in the middle of the street. I don't recommend vigilante-style justice, put from my experience the police won't help you whatsoever. I called them before I actually caught this asshole in the act and they told me "Unless the offender is still in your midst there's essentially nothing we can do."

    ...now, I'm never one to bad-mouth the boys in blue, but what the fuck ARE we supposed to do with a stupid-ass comment like that? Put up useless "Neighbourhood Watch" signs? When it comes down to it, fear and/or violence is the only way to drive a menace away.

    So in other words, I would say the in-your-face method is your best option. If you were me, wait for them. When/if they pull up, come out from hiding a put a fucking cinder block or throw a basball into their windshield (or have someone do it for you). It won't go all the way through, but it'll block their vision and THEN they'll get pulled over anway if anyone sees them for having a broken windshield. Plus, you vandalized them back adding to the nice, fresh feeling of good ol' fashioned revenge. Oh, and don't forget license plates.
     
  18. sunny jim

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    As your friend is concerned these kids are a threat revenge wise, the friend should stay anonymous.
    Fuck them up, but outside the neighborhood, so they don't come back to your friend and wreak havoc.
     
  19. Vanilla

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    Crown Royal just gave me a decent idea with his post in regards to the cinder block. Buy some bricks or similar, put them out at the end of the driveway (like they're garbage), but not on garbage day. Do it a couple days before or something. The little shits will just think they were put out in advance. What are they gonna see though? A bunch of bricks waiting to be thrown around. Camp the fuck out of your front door. Enlist one or two other neighbours. When they come - which there's a good chance they will - fuck their shit up with paintball guns. Make sure you have cars parked decently far away from the bricks so you can bust them and not have the hassle of the goddamn brick through your car. Or put a car that needs body work by them so the shits have to pay for everything haha. Get rid of two problems at once.

    Or easier: leave a bike in the middle of the front lawn. When they come and try to steal it, nab them.
     
  20. xrayvision

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    You could go Clint Eastwood in "Gran Torino" style like when the young boy was breaking into the garage. Wait for them. Grab a couple sandwiches, a few drinks and wait. Nothing causes an instant pants shit like the sound of a pumping shotgun and the barrel of a 12 gauge in your face . If thats too extreme, you could always construct a simple spud gun. Generally, the materials are inexpensive and you could set up a few of them from the roof. http://dangerouslyfun.com/spud-gun Nothing says "take that motherfucker" like getting jarred by a potato accelerating at 230 g's.

    Place them side by side because these aren't rapid fire and point them in the general direction of the teenagers. As a side arm, a good paintball gun with frozen paintballs should really send them fleeing for dear life. As long as the paintballs don't hit them square in the head, it should only cause some superficial tissue damage. Turn the CO2 up for maximum velocity.

    I'd advocate fireworks (m80's and cherry bombs) but this would be difficult to rig and they can really lose limbs. You could shoot roman candles but the accuracy is pretty much non-existent. This isn't the middle-east after all. You can't reattach completely mutilated fingers.