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Success & Happiness isn't good enough!! GIVE ME A GRANDCHILD

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Frank, May 13, 2011.

  1. Juice

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    Im 25 and Ive been dating my girlfriend for about a year, and could definitely see myself marrying her. Shes the first girl I can completely be myself with, and loves me despite of all my flaws. Im the kind of person that has an instinct not to commit as I always feel something better might be on the horizon, but I know I wont come across someone like her ever again. She has a little bit of a temper and some daddy issues (her dad is nuts and has been sporadically in and out of the picture her entire life) but her mom has surprisingly been able to maintain a very stable household for her and her brother. This is the only thing that concerns me, but other than that were great together, and the pros absolutely outweigh the cons. I can see myself getting married to her, and I definitely want to be married some day, but not for atleast 3 or 4 years. As for kids, 4-5 years after that. I want to spend my 20s building my professional career and not having to worry about supporting children yet. My goal is to be a millionaire before I have children, so here goes nothing...
     
  2. lust4life

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    But you don't see being a fuckup and not doing something about it as being irresponsible?
     
  3. Beefy Phil

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    Excuse me. Why are you not trembling at his beneficence? TREMBLE.
     
  4. Roxanne

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    I always wanted to have some big strong sons so I could have them beat people up for me. I'm pretty old-school though.
     
  5. Danger Boy

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    I went ahead and fixed that fer ya.
     
  6. lust4life

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    Get a doberman or a rottweiler. They're a lot cheaper...and easier to train.
     
  7. Disgustipated

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    And during the pre-potty trained phase, they'll shit on the floor less.
     
  8. Roxanne

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    I already have a pit bull, but I like him too much to see him get hurt.
     
  9. Mantis Toboggan M.D.

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    [​IMG]
     
  10. bewildered

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    I am 22, so I am a bit under the targeted marriage age. However, I am engaged, and by the time I am 23 will be wedded. Obviously I can't speak for actual marriage experience, but I think that I was raised practically enough and been around enough healthy marriages to understand what is in store in terms of the good, the bad, and the ugly.

    I was never the girl who planned her wedding complete with flowers and dresses at a young age. I never thought about that stuff at all to be perfectly honest. To me, marriage is about spending your entire life building something together as a team under complete trust-- in the form of everyday habits, love, children, finances-- everything. The wedding event is simply the celebration of that start. I have activities that I love participating in that he has no interest, and vise versa, but at the end of the day, we are best friends in absolute love.

    My parents are old fashioned in a lot of ways. I am not crazy about some of the ways they interact, but they left some deep positive imprints on me. I am extremely practical and traditional about money, home repairs and do-it-yourself projects, basic gender roles, and child rearing. As shitty as I think some of their decisions were, they never argued in front of us and always presented their decisions as a team. My dad taught us girls a shitton of practical things to get us through this life and make us independent to an extent. I don't need future husband or a repairman to come fix my toilet, my faucet, to balance my checkbook, to mow my grass, or to check my oil. I think that this personal independence allows me to look forward to my marriage more of a partnership than a crutch.

    My older sisters are examples of good, healthy marriages. I am the youngest girl, and all my older sisters are married with children. They exist in various financial brackets, life situations, and regions of this country, but we are a tight knit family who keeps up on an almost daily basis through email, phone calls, and visits.

    I know that I am young, and I know that I am naive, but I think that I have a very solid perception of what is in store for me and am excited about my new beginnings with my husband.

    *Edit-- and about my parents' perception of my engagement: they actually were against it (but are warming up to it). As much as they give me the opportunity to fend for myself via higher education and practical life skills, they prefer that their girls "marry up" financially. Fuck that noise. The fact that Mr Man is military and makes less than you did at that age does not mean that he is not suitable. The fact that this was the only flaw that they could find with him, and that they had similar objections to my sister's amazing husband who is a teacher, only solidified my decision.
     
  11. archer

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    I also think the concept of marriage is ridiculous, outdated and unnecessary. I have no real desire to get married myself, however my girlfriend does want to get married and i will do it for her. In fact its very likely ill propose this year. I'm not totally opposed to marriage i just don't really see the point for most people, in my case its something i know she really wants and putting aside my mild objections to the institution of marriage itself to make her happy is worth it in my books.

    Not sure about the US but in Australia the de facto relationship laws pretty much give my girlfriend of 5 years the same rights as if we were married anyway, if we broke up and she (or myself) wanted to be a cunt about it I/she could get lawyers involved... so even from your objective point of view the differences are essentially a diamond ring and an official piece of paper.

    As to kids, i want them at some point but at this stage my girlfriend doesn't. This doesn't really faze me, I'm pretty sure she will change her mind eventually given how clucky she gets around other peoples kids and I'm not ready for them yet anyway... maybe 10 years from now (we are both 27).
     
  12. Natty

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    I'm married and completely believe in "'til death do us part." Meaning, if I were ever to get a divorce there's no way on earth I'd marry another person. I find that to be self-explanatory. As a data point, I got married at 30. I think that's an appropriate age to find out who you are and run through enough pussy, erm, I mean experiences so you don't wind up regretin' shit later in life.

    As for kids, that's a little more complicated. There is not an external force in my current relationship to have kids, which is pretty much fucking amazing in the world we live in. Have. Have not. And other philosophical bullshit I could discuss in person with each of you over a beer. I've never made it a fuck mission to procreate, thus I do not consider it "check in the box" for life. I know, I'm missing out. I'm still fucking with hats off and her with no birth-control and my self-esteem is fine.

    EDIT: If anyone cares, I think marriage is cool. It's important to believe in love in this day and age.
     
  13. stoklos

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    I have been married for 4 years now and not much is different than my life prior to marriage. I never thought I would get married either, but I found the right girl, it worked for me, but I agree it may not be for everyone.

    Our first child is 8 months and that changed A LOT in our life. The tipping point for me in deciding to actually try for a baby came from my inlaws neighbours. The woman is 89 years old and got married but never had children. Her husband died about 5 years ago, she recently went blind and she is completely alone. Neighbours help her do everything, but she really has no one to rely on if serious shit ever went down. She has no one to pass her wisdom on to and really no one to care for her or about her. It's really one of the saddest things I have ever seen and I definitely did not want to end up that way. I don't really love kids and I wasn't 100% sure if I wanted to have them, but it really is different when it is your kid. Watching them learn and grow and become aware really is pretty cool. Again, though, i completely understand that it is not for everyone.

    For reference, I got married at 30, had the kid at 33 and did a shit ton of travelling and partying prior to all of that, so I don' feel like I am missing out on anything. I think my age and experience was right and I would do it all again the same way if I had the choice. Plus, still know how to party, right? Right?
     
  14. silway

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    I am 31 and have been married a little over a year and been with my wife for three or so years before that. Marriage is right for us. It makes us happy to be committed to each other, to have declared our vows before family and friends, and to know that we are going to be together forever.

    On the flip side, as many have said, it's not for everyone. That's totally fine. But while pressuring people to get married is a dick thing to do so is ragging on people for getting married and telling them how stupid marriage is. I see both behaviors and both are equally ridiculous and obnoxious.

    As for children, we've talked a bit about it and it's become a fairly likely thing sometime within the next five years, though exactly when is uncertain. It's amazing to me since, prior to my wife, I was adamant about never having children. Now though the idea of the two of us creating and nurturing a child together has an incredible appeal. Guiding one or more children to having a better and happier life than we did, sharing our wisdom and experience, being comforted in our old age. I'm scared to death of all the things that could go wrong, but I think we'll take the plunge eventually. I doubt I would feel the same about children with anyone other than her, though.
     
  15. LatinGroove

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    Focus: Do you want to get married? What pushes you to? If not, why don't you want to? Explain if your'e within the "expected age" (25-35) and whether you're male or female.
    I'm a 28 year old guy. I wanted to get married to one woman in my entire life. After she cheated on me (my first love), it fucked me up for a long time and soured me on the entire idea of marriage. Although I've gotten older and learned not all women are cheating jerks I don't really see a point to it anymore. Why get a piece of paper? The commitment is still the same.

    Alt. Alt. Focus: Kids. Do you have them? Would you have kids again? (I wrote a long explanation to not take this the wrong by thinking about the kids, but in considering yourself pre-kids, but not worth posting it.) If you don't have kids, do you want them in your future? And why? (<-- perhaps more insight than "to carry my name")[/quote]
    I have a single son who is a toddler. I've always thought I was never meant to have children partly because I'm a little selfish and partly because of some mental issues I have and/or had. When I found out my ex was pregnant with him I thought my life was completely over. While certain chapters of my life are never to be opened again, I've found new ones opening and I'm a better person in general as a result of my son being born. While I don't want anymore children in the meantime, I might be open to the possibility if the right woman (read: the woman I end up marrying) comes along.