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Stupid dog tricks

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Revengeofthenerds, Jun 9, 2011.

  1. Revengeofthenerds

    Revengeofthenerds
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    We recently got a shelter dog, about 6 months old. She looks like a mix between a german shepherd and a lab. Today she had her first encounter with an ice cube. It went a lot like this:



    I've found my new favorite thing to do.

    Focus: What seemingly insignificant or things bring you great enjoyment/laughter? Do you partake in the spousal ritual of farting in public areas and blaming it on your significant other? Glue spare change to the ground? Laser pointer with your cat? Turn on your wiper fluid when someone is tailgating you?
     
    #1 Revengeofthenerds, Jun 9, 2011
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  2. DrFrylock

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    If someone is tailgating me, I do everything in my power to piss them off. If I'm in the left lane, I will get right in front of a car to my right and match his speed exactly (which is usually slower than I was going) to box the guy behind me in. If it looks like he's going to fall back a little to go around both of us, I will speed up a little to give him the hope that he will be able to squeeze in between us by tailgating me further, only to fade back as soon as he nearly can get through.
     
  3. audreymonroe

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    The most powerful cervix... in the world...

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    I could watch animals do anything for an alarming amount of time. They're just so cute. Why you doing that dog or cat? Why you so silly? Boojaboojaboo!

    Also, I really enjoy holding people's big toes. I'm not sure why, but it just feels so right. And before you all go there, it is not at all sexual.
     
  4. Nom Chompsky

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    I'm a sucker for the right kind of esoteric nonsense. Randomly quoting any of the below gives me such great enjoyment that it's almost worth the fact that my friends usually try to avoid talking to me. Especially when I've been drinking.







     
    #4 Nom Chompsky, Jun 17, 2011
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  5. LessTalk MoreStab

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    I like to pick up scary looking hitchhikers and kill them before they can kill me.
     
  6. hoju

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    I like giving homeless people those things that look like folded $100 dollar bills but actually are incognito Jesus pamphlets.
     
  7. Poopourri

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    Sometimes I post on an internet messageboard.

    I also do any and all of the Chicken Dances from Arrested Development, in public, whenever applicable and sometimes when not. While it's a good feeling when someone starts laughing from across the room and doing their version, I think I do it because it's just fun to do. Go ahead, try it...you'll see.

     
    #7 Poopourri, Jun 17, 2011
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  8. Viking33

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    Focus:Do you partake in the spousal ritual of farting in public areas and blaming it on your significant other?

    A friend of mine and I were sitting in a Drawing I class my freshman year. Probably 10 of us in the room all sitting on those hard, wood/metal stools crowded around our drawings up on the wall. My friend is sitting next to a quiet but pretty cute girl when he rips off one of the top three farts in recorded history. After a solid five seconds of shredding his colon (and yeah, it even meowed. THAT awesome) the room is dead silent. He turns to the cute girl sitting next to him with a puzzled look on his face and says, "Was that you or me?" The look on her face was one of disgust mixed with embarrassment and the rest of us were laughing so hard that the professor called a 5 minute break for the group to "re-adjust". Yeah, I stole his line and pull it out occasionally if something slips.

    My girlfriend has a service dog (half German Shepard, half Lab, stray rescue, 6 months old when we got him last June- seriously) that goes with us in the car for any long distance trips. Anytime I let one off in the car, I blame the dog. Hasn't failed yet.

    And still on the flatulence theme- Thanksgiving and Christmas on my mom's side are pretty tame. Dad's? A whole different story. Everyone is pretty well behaved while being introduced to new girlfriends, boyfriends and pleasantries but after lunch everything changes. It's straight out of the campfire scene of Blazin' Saddles. Aunts, uncles, cousins, everyone (except my mother). My fucking grandma nearly shit her pants last year when she stood up to get more food and I never thought it was possible to break a rib from simultaneously laughing and crying until that day. Anytime I bring people to dad's side get-togethers they are served a fair warning that shit will literally hit the fan.
     
  9. AlmostGaunt

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    Terrible, nerdy puns, the more forced the better, e.g., "Hey, you keen for drinks?" "I'm inn like the Prancing Pony".
    Terrible, nerdy musical comedy.
    Listening to the right blues track - by the time SRV's Tin Pan Alley finishes, whatever was pissing me off is forgotten and all is right with the world again.
    Drinking a really good spirit - one sip of Ron Zacapa rum, or The Macallan 18, and the world is a magical place filled with pixies and unicorns.

    And finally, playing with dogs. My lifestyle doesn't permit a dog, but every time I get to play with one I reconsider...
     
    #9 AlmostGaunt, Jun 17, 2011
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  10. Nettdata

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    We used to do the same thing with my two Golden's, but we'd put ice cubes in their big water dish. They'd spend an hour bobbing for ice cubes and having a blast. They couldn't quite grasp the concept of grabbing the ice cube, but would just push it down with their nose. For shits and giggles we kept getting them bigger and deeper water dishes, and it almost got to the point that they'd dunk their head under water. It was fucking hilarious.

    The other dog-related thing we did was get them a kiddie pool for the back yard. We'd play fetch in the summer afternoons, with the pool full, and they'd go chase after the ball and make a detour on the way back to step into the pool, roll around in the water, shake off, and then return back to us with the ball.

    They also enjoyed it a lot when we attached a water sprinkler to the pool.

    It got to the point that when they went out, and the pool wasn't set up or full of water, they'd stand beside it and pout.



    And for some reason, our dogs LOVED the central vacuum. When they heard it kick on, they'd come over and lie down in front of you, and we'd vacuum them. It was like a domestic spa day for them or something.
     
  11. pterodactyl

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    If you're talking about freeway driving then fuck you. the left lane is for passing.

    Why do you care so much if someone is driving faster than you? Pull over, let them by, then get back over if you feel like you have to drive in the left lane for no reason.

    Focus: Putting scotch tape on the bottom of cats paws is always hilarious.
     
  12. Binary

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    My dog used to do something that I can't even find someone talking about on Google. Wonder if anyone else has seen this?

    We used to have a large galvanized metal bathtub for him - he was about 90 lbs, and loved the water. We'd fill it up with water and he'd jump in, and then he'd start wildly pawing with both front paws at the side of the tub, as if the tub were 10' tall and he was trying to get traction to run up the side of it. Picture one of the Loony Tunes characters where they wind up to run away from something - that's how fast he was pawing at the tub. This would make a tremendous racket and lots of splashing, and about every 20-30 seconds of pawing, he'd suddenly stop pawing, plunge his head under the water, and exhale - blowing huge bubbles under the water.

    All of this activity would clear half the water out of the tub in about 5-10 minutes, so we'd refill it and he'd do it again.

    It was clearly a whole lot of fun for him, and after a while he'd be exhausted and stand there panting making the happy, "woo-fun-look-at-what-I'm-doing" face, but I've never seen another dog do it and I never figured out what the draw was. Only thing I could figure out was the scratching against the metal tub made a sound that he liked. Anyway, it cracked me up every time - when he was alive, cheap digital video wasn't ubiquitous and I wish I had a clip of him doing this.
     
  13. lostalldoubt86

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    The little one is my dog. I love to watch her play-fight with my cousin's dog (the bigger one.) It's funny because he lets her do whatever she wants and only reciprocates enough to get her to keep going. The one night, she just started wildly humping him. We wanted to stop her, but no one could stop laughing long enough to do anything about it.
     
    #13 lostalldoubt86, Jun 17, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  14. effinshenanigans

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    If you own a cat and you don't also own a laser pointer, you're a retard. You can be sitting down on the couch watching tv and all you have to do is occasionally flick your wrist and the cat will go apeshit trying to catch the little red light.

    The best is when they're done chasing after they've given up trying to catch it. Then, you slowly move the light up their leg and onto their side. They see it on them, but they can't feel it, and they go nuts all over again.

    Here's a very confused Milo...
     

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  15. Dread

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    I stopped giving my dog ice cubes when he started carrying them onto the couch or bed and just letting them melt.

    Asshole.
     
  16. Muley05

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    When I worked as a valet at a casino, I took a pink chip worth $0.50 and colored it black with a Sharpie (black chips were worth $100). I then taped fishing line to it and would put it on the sidewalk. When someone would try to grab it, I would pull it away. Always good for a laugh. Even had a few people run down the sidewalk chasing it as I dragged it away.
     
  17. Chellie

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    Disclaimer: I am not assuming you are a dick driver in the left lane, but a rant to those who are:

    If you're in the left lane, aren't passing anyone, and have no immediate need to turn left, move the hell over! I can't stand it when people toodle along in the left lane for several kilometers, holding up traffic behind them, while doing EXACTLY speed limit, because they're going to need to turn left in 15k.

    On focus, little ridiculous things that amuse me; I drove over a piece of bubble wrap that was drifting down the road the other day, and the pop was awesome. It sounded like a gun shot, made my whole day.
     
  18. bewildered

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    I like having my head scratched. Also my back, but mostly my head.

    When I was very young, I used to get my mom to scratch my back all the time. I must have been around 4 or 5. She'd lay me on her lap so that my head and legs were hanging towards the ground and my belly was on her lap and she'd scratch my back while watching TV. She called me her little hound dog, and I guess it fits.

    I get my best friend to scratch my head sometimes. She'll do it, but she makes sure I pay a price of sorts. She goes out of her way to make my hair end up in tangles.

    Man, I really want a head scratch now...
     
  19. BeCoolBitch_BeCool

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    I occasionally put a bit glob of peanut-butter on my dog's nose. He diligently licks it off while staring cross-eyed at his own snout the entire time.

    I've also learned a new game at the mall called "spy on random people until they leave." It involves me picking a random person to stake-out while texting one of my friends with occasional updates on what they're doing. Damn it Butterpussy, this isn't a secure line! Use my codename!
     
  20. Trakiel

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    Call me Caitlyn. Got any cake?

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    I despise tailgaters. If I'm in the left lane and someone does the creep-up/back-off routine I'll get it that the person wants to go faster than me and usually change lanes so they can pass. On the other hand if some asshole just gets right up on my ass and rides me - especially if I'm already doing 70 in a 55 zone - that just pisses me off and I refuse to budge. If I'm already doing 15mph over the speed limit don't fucking act like I'm out of line driving in the left lane just because you want to drive like a maniac.