Still Hungover from 4th of July Drunk Thread 7/9/10!

And a SADDLE. That's when the shit goes from weird to just plain awesome.

 

So, you don't hide the very NSFW top picture (which Photobucket will remove momentarily anyway) but you hide all the rest of them, including the relatively tame one of the girl in lingerie? And also, you hotlinked all of the hidden pictures, so, while you're right that none of the links are technically broken, half of them are missing because those sites don't allow hotlinking. Despite what it sounds like, I'm not bitching. Just pointing it out. We'll blame it on the drinking, being that this is the drunk thread. I'd imagine some of our fellow drunks couldn't figure out why the boobies weren't showing up. I'm picturing the sad look on Blue Dog's face now.

 

My cousin is having a barbecue in her back yard today. We're all in our mid-20's (old enough to be out of college, too young to be married yet) and our idea of a good time is a pitcher of mint juleps and a 1313 Dead End Drive tournament. http://www.gamersalliance.com/1313deadenddrive.htm If you have never played this game drunk, I highly recommend it. Everyone eventually reverts to 8 year-olds and someone WILL get frustrated and throw the game from the table in a huff when they are killed.

We also have a drinking game called Church Chug, but I feel like even explaining it will get me red dotted off of this board.

 

Blind. Great day, bit toasty. Stupid ranga sun.

 

Apparently my daughter threw up in her crib last night. Now her bedroom and the upstairs hallway has a smell lofting through it that would make a Chicago stockyard smell like freshly baked Toll House cookies.

Good times.

 

Today, I plan to discover how well I can become secretly blasted out of my face while still maintaining an outward facade of the civility and good manners typically required by an engagement party. I will hand them my ridiculously boring gift, make for the keg, and try to remember that I am only in my mid-20s and that this kind of adulthood can easily be delayed for another five to ten years before I have to start worrying. It'll be good practice for the wedding.

 

The drunker you get, the worse you will fail at your goal. On the plus side, the drunker you get, the more you'll THINK you are just coming off sharp and witty. You will really be drunk and stupid, but who cares? You'll have a great time I'm sure. Tell'em 27 is the new 21.

 

Well folks, today is it.

My balls are officially handed over at 5pm pacific today.

 

Don't do it... it's not too late. Do I need to tell the story again how all I got out of my divorce was A FUCKING CAT?!? Dear God, hope you got a prenup.

 

I kick off the day with my girl's company barbecue. It's all good, because there will be beer and even more importantly for some reason they rented a BOUNCING CASTLE FOR ADULTS.

It's go time. There's only room for one battle royale king and it ain't gonna be those skinny little stockbrokers, I tell you. In the end, yours truly will be standing alone in the killing fields.

 

The Bloody Mary was made for people who need to feel good about starting at noon. It's juice, right? Juice has nutrients. Also, Tabasco. That's good for the...colon. Worcestershire sauce has fish products in it, so the Omega-3s are covered. And with the half-goblet of vodka sharpening my wit to a fine point, I might as well be doing P90X and reading Ulysses at the same time.

 

Last night I went to a club where a buddy had rented a booth and bottle service. Bottle service cost $180 for a bottle of fucking Smirnoff. Wasn't bad, though. Hell, I even had a nice conversation with a woman who didn't use the world "like" every other word. Then my girlfriend got too drunk and I was up until 3:30 with her as she vomited repeatedly, while saying those cute embarassing things that people say when someone has to tend to them vomiting. I'd normally be pissed off about it, but I pulled something far worse on her when we started dating, so we're even.

I'm also in the company of a 40 year old married woman away from her family for two months re-discovering what it's like to not be someone's wife / mother all the time. The woman is fairly good looking as 40 year olds go, but the phenomenon itself has to be one of the ugliest things I have ever seen.

 

A few thoughts from working last night... Keep in mind this is Savannah's swankiest, hippest bar.

Mojitos. Why does everyone and their mom want a fucking mojito? They're a pain in the ass to make and prepare and they don't taste good enough to spend $10 on. Idiots.

Horseradish vodka. Dude, you ordered a shot of horseradish vodka. How much do you fucking hate yourself? Might as well chase it down with a Jersey Turnpike and then hurl yourself off the rooftop into the river. Why the FUCK would you do that?

PBR Tall Boys. At an upscale bar with a great selection beers on tap and some bottled gems. I don't understand you and I want you to leave. Now.

And no, ma'am, you cannot sneak your underage friend in through the back stairwell. Not only is there somebody watching that door, but he's an undercover cop. Don't be fucking retarded.

God I hate people.

 

I'm just sober enough to decide to look for a new job. Ugh. Buffing up CV, trolling online... Seriously - if anyone knows of any chemistry-related gigs out in the GTA (other than "Jr. Lab Technicians" earning goddamn minimum wage), drop me a line. Qualifications include, but are not limited to, an Honours BSc, a high bullshit threshold, and I suck a mean cock.

Fuck this. I'm going out to get liquor.

 

I'll pay you 20 bucks an hour to nerd out with me about chemistry related things.

EDIT: Come to think of it, I'll pay you 20 bucks an hour to suck my cock while I nerd out about chemistry related things. Are you a guy or a girl?

 

Do you suck nice cocks as well?