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So... Uhh... How about that Tofu?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by JoeCanada, Aug 6, 2010.

  1. JoeCanada

    JoeCanada
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    I smoke pot almost every day, sometimes I laugh at rape jokes, I LOVE getting blowjobs, I say fuck all the time, and, well, I frequent this place.

    Now, guess where I am right now...

    If you said the national convention of the Seventh Day Adventist Church in Orlando, Florida, you were right!

    I should explain: My family was always religious, and I was raised Christian. We went to the Adventist church until I was about 12, at which time the church politics got to be too much even for my parents, so we switched to some other protestant branch. Around 16 I started to realize I didn't actually agree with pretty much everything the church taught, and now, at 23, I'm some sort of agnostic-atheist-what the fuck IS this?? hybrid.

    My mom, on the other hand, is more religious than ever. She's still awesome, and I love the shit out of her, which is why I'm here. We spent a few days in California visiting family, and now we're here because some friends of hers invited us and she wanted to check it out.

    So, here I am, listening to talks about how the Earth was created in 6 days, the end times are upon us, and so on. Adventists are vegans, they don't drink any alcohol, obviously no drugs, they won't do ANYTHING on Sabbath (Saturday) except pray and go on nature walks and shit, and the music is positively awful. Adventist hymns/songs/whatever make regular gospel music look like Hendrix.

    The people are really nice, and I actually see some good in the faith (whether it outweighs the bad or the crazy, it's hard to say), but I feel more than a little out of place. All these people talk about is Jesus (fair enough, it's their convention), and I don't think they would like my rape jokes.



    FOCUS: When/where have you felt completely out of place? Did you get beat up cheering for the away team? Grow up in small town with a bunch of country bumpkins while all you wanted to do was move to the city and be a dancer? Durbanite, did you go to a strip club? Sorry, couldn't resist.
     
  2. Blue Dog

    Blue Dog
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    Just because I KNOW that's the first place some of you will go with this- lets keep the bashing of religion out of this one, please.
     
  3. Kratos

    Kratos
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    Camp Randall, section O, wearing Minnesota gear in the 6th row. You can imagine how well that went (if you've ever been to Camp Randall, it is positively the most hostile atmosphere of any Big Ten stadium).

    In college, we had "themes" we had to fulfil in order to graduate. It was the university's way of forcing you to take retarded generals. Well, I took a class about American Indian History, it was writing intensive and satisfied two more core themes. I'm a fairly conservative guy, and dress appropriately. This class was the exact opposite: as far left as you can get and general hygiene was frowned upon. I stuck out like a sore thumb.

    This class was used as grounds to bash "the man" and "the establishment". Every student in the class used books about native american culture, most often times completely unlrelated, to spew their hippie agenda. If I offered a counterpoint, I had 300 imaginary daggers flying through my face. I don't think I ever got more than a B- on a paper for the sole fact the TA was one of these pit hair lovers as well.

    Also, there is some homosexual writing in american indian history that is really fucking weird. I took my C and got the fuck out of that class.
     
  4. sisterkathlouise

    sisterkathlouise
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    Unless you want a recording of a smarmy British man to tell you to smile at your digestive tract and gently clench your anus during a "sensual meditation" I would recommend staying away from Raelian meetings. Those people are crazy.
     
  5. lostalldoubt86

    lostalldoubt86
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    Developmental math. I had a nervous breakdown my junior year of high school, and ended up having to drop a lot of my AP classes because I couldn't take the pressure. The next year, the math department decided I needed to take it easy with my senior year math. I was the only person in the class who didn't have a child, drug problem, or arrest record. Half way through the school year, I started showing up for attendance, asking to go to the bathroom, and then hiding in the computer lab until the period was over. (I was editor of the school newspaper, and the woman in charge of the computer room just assumed I had a free period.) I ended up getting an A in the class.
     
  6. Crown Royal

    Crown Royal
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    My family reunion every june is hysterical. My family is the only city of family of the 150 people there, and you'd better believe there are more than a few people wearing bib overalls. Hicks. All of them. They play games like "kick the shoe" and "three legged race" and the always fun "break your child's face in the wheelbarrow race"! At least 3 families bring a bucket of KFC for the potluck. They do that corny waterballoon toss but as soon as they say "go" everybody just bombards each other. It's fucked UP, man.

    I also took a set design course in college and was lumped in with technical theatre students. I did three plays and had to tolerate them the entire time with their CONSTANT back-stabbing bitching about each other and the MINDLESS gossip. NEVER AGAIN. What a bunch of pail, snivelling phonies. Good luck in your dead-end low paying careers, losers.
     
  7. effinshenanigans

    effinshenanigans
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    I've got you beat.

    The last family reunion I went to for my Dad's side of the family was in Gettysburg, PA. I've you've never been to Gettysburg, go sit down in a cornfield and punch yourself in the nuts every 15 seconds. It's roughly that fun.

    The reunion was held in a large garage with NASCAR playing on a couple TVs. My father's uncle, who owned the place, kept sneaking away to go drink Listerine. I'm not kidding, either. His doctor said that he couldn't drink anymore or he was going to die. His wife cleaned all of the liquor out of the house, but couldn't figure out why they were going through wholesale bottle size Listerine every other day. I believe he was caught in the act shortly thereafter.

    My Dad's other uncle is a crazy guy who used to be a town cop but now drives a milk truck. I had never met him before. What was his introduction? Dead nigger jokes. Awesome.

    While sitting down to eat, I noticed some weird goth girl sitting across from me a couple tables over. She looked up, licked her lips, sucked on her finger, and flashed a wretched nipple out from under her Slipknot tank top. My meal ruined, I went to leave the garage and my grandfather asked where I was going. When I told him what had happened he said, "You guys are third cousins, anyway. Go for it."

    Ugh...

    I slept in the car for the next two hours until we left. It was like every bad Jeff Foxworthy joke had come to life in one place.
     
  8. scotchcrotch

    scotchcrotch
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    I chose the engineering dorm in college because it was one of the few that had a/c and was right in the middle of campus.

    Out of four floors, there were probably 8 of us that weren't engineers. The rest were some of the smartest guys I've ever come across, majoring in nuclear, mechanical, or chemical engineering. These guys didn't fuck around, literally or figuratively.

    So while they made me feel like an idiot taking 100 level classes, I wowed them with the ability to not be socially awkward.
     
  9. lust4life

    lust4life
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    Focus: Harlem after sunset.