Smells like dick in here... Gym Shower/Locker room etiquette

Two things first. 1- I'm not in any way modest. Ten years of competitive dance and crowded dressing rooms will make you get over that shit quick. 2- My gym is really small and I'm often the only one in the locker room.

That being said, our showers are in stalls with curtains but I frequently exit the shower and walk to my locker (at the other end) butt naked. If someone else were in there, depending on who it was, I might hold a towel up to my front until I was ready to dress, but that's not likely. I think people sometimes (not including the yoga poses and such) make being naked a bigger deal than necessary.

 

A few nights ago I went to a friend's gym to swim. Afterward I was in the communal shower, and I wanted to clean off all the chlorine so I stripped off the suit. Something about being in a hot shower just makes me want to pee so I started letting loose. Then I realized where I was, stopped it immediately, checked if anyone around me saw, and tried to get out fast. I'm assuming that is a big no-no.

Having naked guys walking around with their junk hanging out doesn't bother me nearly as much as it seems to bother everyone else here. Once you get old I figure that you just don't give a shit anymore. But if they're in the locker room to have conversations with people while naked they could at least do it in the sauna or something, otherwise it just looks like they came to the gym to hang out in the nude.

 

There's an old dude at my gym who not only prances around the locker room naked after a shower, he dries off and then goes to the sink and shaves (his face) still naked.

 

I have no problem walking around naked, once you have been in a delivery room you view your nudity like some kind of awful National Geographic special showcasing scars and stretchmarks and their effect on the miles of pallid flesh and skin, boring.

I am hyper aware of the condition of other women's bodies because a) Women are attractive and b) I am compelled to compare the scourge of time on every individual's warm corpse and make myself feel better about my own wreckage. I would never fault them for whatever level of comfort they have with their nudity.

Unless they are morbidly obese, that shit is just gross.

 

My gym has air dryers in the locker room instead of paper towels. One is placed extra high, around head height, while the other is normal/low. People often use the higher one to dry their hair, sometimes naked. That's fine, whatever. What's not OK is coming in to wash your hands and having an old dude ass naked, gyrating his crotch in front of the hand dryer. I don't know if he was just fucking with people or if that's his usual ritual, but it was a terrible sight.

 

The world seems so much darker now.

The locker room at the gym I go to is fucking disgusting. There are always old men standing around naked talking about the most random shit for hours on end. Our showers are the open kind where its just 3 walls with shower heads. I've seen grown men stand and share one shower head while discussing business and stocks. Once, it was pretty full with the swim team, myself and an old guy. The old guy stood in the middle of the shower room and was stretching and moaning. LOUD. The swim team and I were just frozen against the walls horrified waiting for this guy to gtfo. And then there is the constant abrasive stench of dick and salami. I guess it makes you hurry up so you can get the hell out of there quicker, which is good.

Or you can realize that you are all that is man. You have finished your daily regimen of pursuing physical excellence. You love the smell of dick in the morning. Smells like... victory.

I'll stick with option #1.

 

I'm not very modest mostly because I changed in dressing rooms or backstage almost every day for well over a decade. I don't know how many people have seen my titties backstage during quick changes.

My only rules are:

1. Eyes stay above the neckline while conversing.
2. If you are in a dressing room where people are naked and you are not...at least LOOK BUSY or preoccupied. Don't just stand there fully dressed talking to people. That's fucking creepy. When I was in high school this girl used to come to our dorm room after she finished getting ready. She'd just sit on my roommate's bed and watch us change. It was annoying as hell.
3. Do not comment on body parts.

 

Much of this is why I built a home gym.

However I do spar a few times a week and that place is a zoo. Individual stalls for showering but it does indeed smell like sweaty cock-n-balls permanently.

All the regulars behave themselves but some of the new guys, mostly there to be the next Ultimate Fighter are hazed when they break the rules.

The deal is that you quickly take your shower and communicate with the stalls to either side only if necessary, no screaming across the locker room because it's echoy and loud as fuck.

If you break that rule too badly you'll find yourself sharing your shower stall with a naked Reuben a trainer there that is hung like a fucking fire hydrant. He likes to politely invade your personal space and politely ask for some shampoo even though his head is shaved. It's always hilarious when this happens.

 

This is what we had in our field house on my highschool football team. I always thought it was dumb.

 

My last gym was a Jewish Community Center. It was a really nice place to work out, tons of space, nice staff, two gyms, a track, indoor and outdoor pool, sauna, two large weight rooms, with a couple other smaller ones.
The downside was I saw more naked Jews in one workout than in Schindlers List. The upside is that blaring Rammstein driving into the parking lot with the windows down never felt so good.

I only have a couple of rules for the gym.

1) You cannot use 3 fucking stations at once while you are working out. When you are using the both cages, and the bench at the same time so you can rotate between 3 different exercises without racking weights it doesn't make you a tough guy. It makes you an inconsiderate asshole. I'd like to punt your tits across the weight room. Its bad enough that I have to wait between you doing 6 sets of squatting the fucking bar in the cage, but I cannot even move on to another exercise because you have monopolized half of the fucking weightroom. When 10 fucking people ask you if they can jump in, it means that you need to get a clue and do one exercise at a time. Fuck off, and I hope you get gang raped in the showers later.

2) Rack your fucking weights. When you walked up to the bench did the bar have weights on it? Did you think that was magic? Do you think that there is a fucking workout fairy that goes around and takes the plates off the bars when you get done lifting? No. Its because the person using it before you removed them. Because they aren't a huge asshole like you. Other people are not your slaves. Your mom is not at the gym with you. Clean up after yourself. And rack your fucking weights before shove the rusty end of a curl bar into that toothless maw of yours.

3) See these ear buds? It means no talky. Stop trying to engage me in conversation. If I wanted to talk to you, I'd hit you up over at the gay section of craigslist. I didn't come to the gym to talk, or converse, nor am I using it as a San Friscan bath house or the Buena Vista social club. I came here to work out, not to look for a suitable partner in which to dock my baton in .

 

My old gym had hair dryers at the end of most of the rows. Needless to say, older gentlemen loved to strike a Captain pose and blowdry their genitalia. I usually quickly changed and sprinted out when this was happening.

My current gym is alot bigger and has more nonsense going on, but none of the hair dryer stuff. However, there are one or 2 old dudes who love strolling around the LARGE locker room area ass naked and then over to a separate area of sinks to shave, comb their 5 strands of hair, trim nasal hair, all while being far too busy with being bothered to put on some pants or even boxers. There is skin falling everywhere. Looks like a hastily put together deli tray. I don't think I will ever be old enough to not give a fuck like that.

 

I've really never understood why everyone is so intense about this stuff. If I'm in a change room, I expect to see some dongs - it's really not that bad. If you want to walk around naked, go right ahead, I really don't give a shit. As long as you're not doing anything weird like staring at my junk or being naked unnecessarily close to me, knock yourself out.

 

I used to work at a fitness club in my younger days and I've seen some of the most absurd locker room etiquette, but only from old men with 0 shame. The club has single showers with curtains but the changing area was pretty wide open with the sinks and showers on one side and the lockers on the other.
1. Stretching while butt ass naked.
2. Running in place while naked.
3. Shaving while naked.
4. Drying your nuts off with the blow dryer. Just standing there completely naked dangling his shit. Insane.
5. Standing under the high up blow dryer naked.
6. Just walking around aimlessly naked.

Who the hell does this shit and what's going through their heads when they do?

 

A guy on my beer league hockey team was sporting wood one day after a game. That was weird. I guess you could say having an erection in the locker room is against the rules.

 

I'm pretty sure having a boner in the same room as a bunch of naked sweaty men makes your friend gayer than a guy with a dick in his butt.

As someone that doesn't work out, all of you people are making the argument for being fat and lazy extremely attractive.

 

Way to casually destroy forever every man's fantasized view of the tit-flopping, bush-wagging, boundlessly-bouncing, exposed delectable flesh utopia to be found on the other side of the aisle from the soggy noodle gallery.

I bet you kick puppies too.

 

That's gayer than cum on a mustache. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

 

How the fuck is that even possible? Half of the time after hockey I get shrinkage because all my blood is elsewhere. There's no way in hell I could get wood after an hour on the ice. That dude was definitely eying up something someone was sporting.

I can't say more than what was said here. I will definitely put emphasis on the towel in the sauna/steam room though. It's fucking disgusting/awkward walking in and seeing 5 dudes sitting a foot apart from one another, breathing hard from the heat, while naked.

 

He wasn't naked. He still had his shorts on and such. His girlfriend was waiting for him outside the locker room so who knows what was going through his mind. Or maybe he still is going through puberty in his 30's and pitching tents at random. Either way its hard to take him seriously anymore.

The beer league in question isn't the highest level, so if you have any amount of decent skill it really isn't that exhausting.