I just saw this on reddit and thought it was timely: Man talks in sleep. Wife writes down what he says. Favorite quote: "I can't control the kittens. Too many whiskers! Too many whiskers!"
When I was little I used to kick in my sleep, which came into play whenever I got scared in the night and ran to sleep in the parents bed to stay safe from the monsters. I would then fall asleep and kick the shit out of my parents. I told my friends at school about this and even demonstrated by kicking the shit out of them. The principal made me write a two page letter of apology to the kid whose belly I'd thoroughly bruised, and I was supposed to apologize in person when I got back to class but I honestly forgot. I got in even more trouble the next day when she brought us both in and asked him if I had apologized, to which he obviously said no. On a different note, my current roommate talks in his sleep and moves around a lot. It's actually kind of fucking creepy because, even though he's a great guy awake, when he falls asleep most of what he says is hostile and threatening. I'll be lying in the dark trying to sleep and he'll shuffle around, sit up, and say "What the fuck are you doing there lying in the dark?" Then he'll lie back and start snoring. He'll also mumble a lot with random growls and grunting. I can never tell if he's awake or asleep when I come home late, and half the time I'm concerned about getting stabbed for some reason I don't understand. I spend nights away a lot.
I would sleep walk quite often when I was young. My mother found me outside once, petting one of our dogs, in the middle of the night. Nowadays...I can dismantle a sheet set completely during a night's sleep, especially when staying over at the other's house. My own bed? I have one dog on each side of me, and will often fall asleep with my laptop sitting on one side, and it seems as if I haven't even moved throughout the night. However, when I woke up this morning, I had my comforter, and my blanket was completely missing from the bed. Found it, eventually, under my bed at the head of the bed. Who knows. I often find myself in the midst of half dreaming and half awake consciousness. I will often make arm or leg movements or reactions to what I am think/dreaming about at this time. For example, I may be dreaming that I'm skating down the street or something, and my leg will jerk if I have to swerve to miss something. Or, best example all week, when I am dream/think talking to a friend and offer up a high-five, and my arm suddenly jerks up above my head and hits the headboard.
Not sure if this has been posted yet, but here goes. I set my alarm clock 2 hours prior to when i need to wake up. If i'm to be up at 6, i'll set it for 4. There is something deeply satisfying about waking up, realizing i've got 2 more hours to sleep, and then crawling back into bed. It's amazing. I know if that i just slept straight through, i'd get that extra 10 mins of sleep that it takes me to reset me alarm and shit, but i figure it's all in my head anyway.
Almost twenty years ago, my brother and I spent the night at our grandma's place. I was probably 15, he was 13. We slept on the hideabed in the living room, and in the morning he was up first and had the TV on quietly. I'm told that behind him, I sat up and said: "Mark, you're out of line!" Normally, when I'd talk in my sleep (this wasn't the first time, and we'd shared a bunk bed until I was 12) I was completely incoherent. He thought I was wide awake at first. "What?" Me: "Mark, your mission is over!" Yeah, oookkkaaaayyy... He ignored me, and I apparently went back to sleep. It occurred to me that before falling asleep the night before (obviously I'd never remember this now if I hadn't thought about it a lot the next day), I had been thinking about the end of the second Rambo movie, when Rambo confronts Murdoch. All I could figure is, evidently I thought I was Murdoch and my brother Rambo.
I had a girlfriend that used to sleep with her eyes open. It was the freakiest damn thing you ever saw. I used to take my buddies in our room when she was asleep and say "Look at this shit, this is what I wake up to in the middle of the night" Lights on with people staring at her, laughing, gasping and wondering what the fuck. Her eyes were still wide open but not registering. It was like sleeping with Satan. This probably has nothing to do with the sleeping with the eyes open thing, but one night I woke up after kicking her. Hard. Really fucking hard. She was crying. I had to stifle my laughter and to this day I have no idea why I found it so damn funny. It just was.
The one, weirdest thing that has every happened to my sleep is "waking up" and feeling paralyzed. I have read a few similar stories but this scared the shit of me at the time. I "woke up" from sleeping on my back, I felt very conscious and could not move my arms nor my legs. Thinking back, I will say that realistically it was probably 15 seconds (which is a lifetime when you're all of a sudden paralyzed.) I then continued to scream/moan during this time until I guess I was finally able to move. This really bothered me immediately after and I had to actually get up afterward to calm down from my traumatic experience. It just so happened that luckily my girlfriend was not staying with me that night. It would have been so much more weird for both of us. However, she has told me many good stories of me sleeping and having half-assed conversations with her. Side note: When I quit smoking I used patches for like 6-8 weeks and had the craziest dreams of my life. The box warned of vivid dreams, but I fucking loved it. Every night was an adventure and I remember nearly all of it. I swear to god if someone gave me a nicotine patch right now I would put it on my arm tonight right before I went to bed. It was fun. Anyway, those are a couple of my sleeping experiences which don't have shit on you sleep texters. Weirdos.
My sister used to sleep walk. She'd never talk, but she'd come into my room, stop, and stare at me. Her eyes would hold perfectly on me and follow me if I moved, but the look on her face never changed. It was the most accusing stare anyone has ever given me. It seemed to ask, how do you not realize how disgusting you are? She wouldn't answer anything I said to her, just held her gaze. When she left she'd either go back to bed or go give that horror stare to something else. A television, a plant... the wall. There didn't seem to be any pattern. My grandpa however did talk in his sleep. Scratch that. He would shout in his sleep. What he said made a little sense, but then again not really. I remember one time, "Jay, turn that phone off. Turn that phone off! If you don't turn that phone off I'm gonna shut it off!' Other times he wouldn't say any words, he'd just scream. Not screams like he was afraid of anything. They were more animalistic, like I just killed something and couldn't be happier about it. We'd be sitting in the next room and then hear his voice reverberate through the house, RAWALAGAGAAARRRGGGHHH! It was almost always one scream at a time, but he would do it multiple times in one nap so you never knew when it was going to go off.
From the times I've had to share a bed it's been an unpleasant experience for the other person. As in, I tend to kick the shit out of them, and them out of the bed. I have no awareness of this happening except when I wake up and the covers are halfway pulled off of one side.
In one isolated event when I was a Junior in High School I bought some adderall (sp?) for my upcoming SATs. I bought them from my friend, put them in my room, and went to sleep. Now yes, I was still living with my parents then, but I know no one else was in my room that night. When I woke up, they were gone. I have no idea what happened. Sleep walking is the only explanation I can come up with. Also, whenever I wait to go to sleep for more than 24 hours after I last woke up I'll jump out of bed with a racing heart. Last time it happened to me I had a dream I was in an ambulance after a car accident and paramedics were trying to shove an IV into a vein in my arm right before I flung my eyes open and jumped out of bed. I walked around for five minutes after that just to calm myself down enough to be able to go back to sleep. It only happens once a night when I've been awake too long. After that one time I'll sleep like a baby for the rest of the night. But still, it sucks major balls.
I dream in English but talk in Hebrew and have no recollection of what I was saying. I've woken up on one occasion to a VERY pissed off (now ex thank God) girlfriend a few years back. According to her, I sat straight up, looked at her, yelled something in Hebrew and fell back asleep. She didn't understand what I said and demanded a translation. Telling her I didn't remember didn't kill the issue. Though given our relationship at the time my best guess would be that it probably went along the lines of "You fucking bitch, why in the fuck did I ever have to meet you? Get out of my house and rot in hell for all I care."