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Silly Billy Pilgrim, Weekend Drunk Thread 9/28/12-9/30/07

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Nom Chompsky, Sep 28, 2012.

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  1. JoeCanada

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    Do... do your genitals really fall off eventually?
     
    #81 JoeCanada, Sep 29, 2012
  2. bewildered

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    Yes, and you'll go blind if you masturbate too much.
     
    #82 bewildered, Sep 29, 2012
  3. Gravy

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    More like BOOM SPIT ROASTED

    [rnsfw][​IMG][/rnsfw]
     
    #83 Gravy, Sep 29, 2012
  4. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    You can still have home audio, vacations, etc. Dinners usually end up in doggy bags the first couple years but we avoided restaurants out of respect to people that don't like the sound of a child that cries like it's being stabbed with a hat pin. I can't get German cars. Personal beliefs. I fear they'll be like too much like German people and perhaps "fall in with the wrong crowd" every now and then.

    Some people are butchers and others are bakers. I doesn't bother me which path people choose in life, I'm friends with plenty of both. I will say that a lot of people with kids have a nasty habit of talking down to people who choose the disposable income route (I won't lie). "Oh, EVERYBODY needs to have kids!"

    Nope. Sit down, shut the fuck up and stop telling people they want something that they don't. My wife and I take heat sometimes because we're only having one kid. "Need to have at least two, to complete the family!" You watch too many fucking 80's sitcoms, ashtray-for-brains.

    People should only have kids if they absolutely want them. And they KNOW if they do or not. End of story.
     
    #84 Crown Royal, Sep 29, 2012
  5. Pinkcup

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    Oh my god, yes. The sass.

    I can deal with stupid stories about the dead butterfly they saw on the playground, I'm not happy about whining but I can handle it, horribly embarrassing questions in public don't faze me, I've grown deaf to repetitive noises, screaming is a minor buzz in my ear, and I don't even bat an eye anymore when I emerge from the bathroom after taking a piss and the little one has somehow managed to spread peanut butter all over the couch cushions in < 2 minutes. But sass? It takes every ounce of self-control I have to grit my teeth and respond in a manner that doesn't involve a backhand and "NEVER SAY THAT TO ME AGAIN UNLESS YOU WANT TO EAT CAT LITTER FOR EVERY MEAL THIS WEEK, YOU LITTLE SHIT."

    It's amazing how angry a small human can make a large human. Truly amazing. I know I can't handle one full-time.
     
    #85 Pinkcup, Sep 29, 2012
  6. McSmallstuff

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    Yeah there are. I love them or something like that. The people at Trojan however...
     
    #86 McSmallstuff, Sep 30, 2012
  7. bewildered

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    [/quote]


    We want kids. But not now. We want to be in a good place financially and geographically to do so.

    So when I am in a casual interview with a housewife I've contacted from the care.com website, I can't help but be a little offended when I am asked, "So if you don't have kids....what do you DO all day?" I have been asked this by 3 different women.
     
    #87 bewildered, Sep 30, 2012
  8. Gravy

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    Is it worse with little kids or teenagers?

    Being sassed by multiple 17-18 year old kids when I told them that not being able to point to the general direction of England on a map was a major failing on their part just about gave me a stroke.
     
    #88 Gravy, Sep 30, 2012
  9. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    Little kids have a nah-nah-nah-nah-nah attitude, teens have the "Fuck you, you were never a kid, old man!!"

    I can only speak for little kids. I don't know what I'll do when my teenage kid runs her gums at me. I'll probably pick her up by the face. There's something about teenagers I simply don't like.
     
    #89 Crown Royal, Sep 30, 2012
  10. Pinkcup

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    Professor Severus Snape needs to become your spirit animal. Do not accept sass without a return serve of shame and snark.

    To me, at least, that seems to be one true highlight of your job. You can be a huge dick and they'll understand that you're doing it on purpose, to them, because they exhibited undesirable behavior. Little kids don't do that. Little kids don't grasp sarcasm, snark, or bitchiness. If you really want to counter fire, you have to resort to calling them a whiny poopyhead crybaby just so they know that you do actually have a verbal arsenal at your disposal. And it's just so...undignified.

    Say what you want about the man, but Snape was a dignified motherfucker.
     
    #90 Pinkcup, Sep 30, 2012
  11. DrFrylock

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    RAVE: Last week my car was dirty and I had 15 spare minutes so I went through the local super-automatic $5 car wash and got my car cleaned lickety split for cheap.

    RANT: I forgot that my car has a fixed antenna and that I have to unscrew it going through the automatic car wash. As such, the antenna broke off during the car wash.

    DOUBLE ULTRA RANT: Took it to the shop expecting a (relatively) cheap fix. "Sorry, sir, the antenna broke off in the receptacle and there's no way to get the screw part out because it's stuck in there. We'll have to replace the entire assembly...for $280. We'll order the part, it'll be here Wednesday." Fuck. Me: "There's no way to get it out? OK, I guess. Fuck."

    HMMM: I pick up my car since they can't fix it right now, and look at the receptacle. Sure enough, the bottom of the antenna is in there. I'm thinking "this is basically equivalent to a stripped screw." If it's going to be $280 to fix, what do I have to lose? I drive to the local Lowe's and get a metal drill bit and a screw extractor. Total cost: $5.

    RAVE: After 15 minutes of elbow grease and Yankee ingenuity, I have drilled a hole in the old antenna base and used the screw extractor to unscrew it. ENGINEERING FTW. A trip to the auto parts store and another $14 later for a replacement antenna and I'm back in business.

    Mechanic quote: $280. Actual cost to fix: $20. Satisfaction: PRICELESS.

    WINNING.
     
    #91 DrFrylock, Sep 30, 2012
  12. Gravy

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    Good call.

    At this point I'm more Hagrid than anything.
     
    #92 Gravy, Sep 30, 2012
  13. McSmallstuff

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    Yay vodka! Boo kids waking usbin a few hours. Yay hookers boobs.
     
    #93 McSmallstuff, Sep 30, 2012
  14. DrFrylock

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    No, why? I have TIGER BLOOD and ADONIS DNA. I am a VEGETARIAN NECROMANCER VAMPIRE.

    UNFOCUS: My fiancee's all-time favorite band in the universe is Wilco. I was only vaguely aware of Wilco before we got together, but now I have been to several Wilco shows with her. Many people who enjoy the kind of music I do are also big Wilco fans. I am having a hard time "getting it." The shows are well-produced and high-energy but the music is just so...beige. The lyrics are meandering and generic, the structure is three-chord rock (with few deviations), the solos are every solo I have ever heard, and the setup (Vocals/Rhythm, Lead Guitar, Inexplicable Redundant Third Guitar, Bass, Keyboard, Drums) is uninspiring. Can't we get a banjo in here? A violin? Mandolin? Trumpet? Recorder? Kazoo? Also, would the world end if Jeff Tweedy wrote a song with a hook in it?
     
    #94 DrFrylock, Sep 30, 2012
  15. bewildered

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    I went to school with a girl who looked like she had fetal alcohol syndrome in the face. She was even adopted, so she may have had some alcoholic/crackie mom. I remember she had a birth thingy monogrammed and framed in her bedroom. I think her birth weight was around 3 or 4lbs. She had all the hallmark facial marks but was probably average in intelligence or just slightly below, so that rules out FAS, right? Anybody know if severe mental retardation is a guaranteed part of this syndrome?
     
    #95 bewildered, Sep 30, 2012
  16. Gravy

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    I don't know where you went during your hiatus, but I hope it was somewhere without an internet connection. That's the only acceptable reason for someone to be referencing this stupid shit.

    Take it back. It has never been funny.
     
    #96 Gravy, Sep 30, 2012
  17. DrFrylock

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    Attached Files:

    #97 DrFrylock, Sep 30, 2012
  18. Gravy

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    I fully endorse this because it is hilarious.
     
    #98 Gravy, Sep 30, 2012
  19. McSmallstuff

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    Wait...what's that? Off in the distance, it's a faint sound. It's like one million asses got kissed all at once.
     
    #99 McSmallstuff, Sep 30, 2012
  20. DrFrylock

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    Oderint dum metuant.
     
    #100 DrFrylock, Sep 30, 2012
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