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Should women be THIS self-conscious?

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by Dcc001, Feb 21, 2013.

  1. Dcc001

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    I don't know if this thread will have legs, but the talk is inspired from the "Make love, not porn" thread.

    Evidently, there are a multitude of women who are deeply self-conscious of how their genitals look.

    Kind of a broad focus, but I wouldn't mind the thread kind of drifting towards body image. Anyone reading this who sleeps with women: does it matter to any degree what the girl looks like? Not shaved vs. unshaven, but the actual aesthetic?

    And how much or how little does your self image inhibit or enhance your sex life? Are you more comfortable with lights off, or do you like as much exposure as you can get?

    Focus: General self-image as it related to sex, I guess.
     
  2. Juice

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    Women, you have nothing to fear.

    Our perspective is, your pussies are like pizza: any pussy is good pussy.

    Unless it has cheese, then we have the exact opposite perspective that we do with pizza.
     
  3. Dcc001

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    This is my thought, right here. Well, not the cheese bit, but the sentiment in general. Every guy I've ever spoken to about this or been with has had pretty much zero judgement in the moment when he's with a naked girl. So why do we obsess like crazy and get so self conscious? Who are we doing it for?
     
  4. Juice

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    Think of it from a guys perspective. We spend more than 50% of our waking lives trying to get laid. So on the occurrence where the hard work pays off, we are so jubilant that someone is willing to share themselves with us, cosmetic issues you might have with yourself never even cross our minds.
     
  5. bewildered

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    Maybe I'm just oblivious, or maybe I have high self esteem. I really have never much thought about my vagina.

    I think sort of like audrey wrote in the porn thread, some people are going to be self conscious about parts of their body regardless of whether they are abnormal anyway. I think that has something to do with women feeling like part of their value and self worth is related to how beautiful they are.

    Possibly related, but especially since there were so many girls in my family, we were always pushed to be smart, study hard, go to the best college we could, be useful, to go outside with dad and work. I may be less self conscious (not to say that I don't want to look nice or dress up on occasion) about the way I look because my worth was not tied into the way that I look, at least not with my immediate family. The messages that girls and women are pelted with outside their family can be very different from that, however.
     
  6. T0m88

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    I think this might be a generation gap type thing. I can imagine the older (wait, no, that word is bad, what do you call a woman with more years to make it sound flattering? MILF? Shit, I dunno, wise?) ladies being a lot more exposed to this type of bullshit when they were young, and having a greater amount of vajajay body-issues because of that.

    I can be as judgmental as they come, but vagina shape is really a non-issue for me. The only times I've been put off by vaginas is if there was evidence of very poor hygiene or excessive, untamed amounts of hair - which in my mind equates to poor grooming, which in turn equates to poor hygiene. One exception was a girl who literally looked like she was sporting two chewed-up slices of leftover pot roast, and by that point we were committed anyway, and she was otherwise lovely. I just tried to avoid looking at it too much, definitely never brought it up.
     
  7. AlmostGaunt

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    This came up the other day actually. A couple of friends of mine (male and female) that had just hooked up the night before were talking about whether they preferred 'innie' or 'outie' vaginas. Both of them expressed a strong preference for the 'innie' (there's a definition of this on the web somewhere which would be more than my job is worth to look up, but it's essentially that the inner lips (labia minora?) are tucked inside the outer ones (labia majora?). I was so puzzled at the idea of having a serious opinion either way that I was more or less speechless. Now, maybe I just don't get laid enough, but every time I see a vagina my thought process starts and ends with "Yay! Mmmmmm...". People are certainly welcome to have a preference, as I guess it's just another physical attribute like eye / hair colour, but for me it's a non-issue. The idea that I wouldn't have sex with someone, or wouldn't go down on them, due to the shape of their genitals, is about as likely as me winning a wrestling match against GSP tomorrow.

    With regards to my own body image and sex, I've remarked on this before, but growing up fat meant, for me, that all of my body image issues were around being fat. As MoreCowbell so eloquently put it, after you've been fat, "I've always looked at things like noses, cheekbones, etc. as sort of "Well, other than that, how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?"". Now that I'm not fat per se, I have 0 insecurities about being seen naked. And the funny thing is, I know objectively that I don't look that good. I've still got a hell of a lot of toning work to do before my ass will be appropriately non-saggy, or my abs become visible. And yet, because I spent 20+ years being fat, now when I take off my shirt and see muscles all I feel is pride, misplaced through it is. This is why I find it absolutely heartbreaking that the last woman I slept with, who was far hotter, and in far better shape, than I am, was massively insecure about being seen naked. She would sleep in my bed, and fuck happily, but she wouldn't take her shirt off while I was in the room. And this women was a distance runner with the sort of body I'd only dreamed about previously. What a horrible, horrible waste.

    Life can be very cruel to people sometimes.
     
  8. sisterkathlouise

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    Here's the problem: Anything you say before or after this isn't going to resonate as much as that statement. And lots of girls who read this (and other statements like it) are going to think "OMG WHAT IF I'M THAT GIRL?!" Not just what you wrote here, but any disparaging or judgmental statements about female genitalia. Young women in our society tend to be really self conscious, and if the majority of other vaginas a girl has seen are completely bald innies (thank you porn) there is not a bad chance that she is going to feel like some sort of malformed freak.
     
  9. toddamus

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    Never really thought about it or cared, like Tom said, so long as everything is manicured then its cool. I think that, from a guys perspective gets more thought than the other aspect.

    On the flip side, women, has anyone ever broke up with a guy because he had saggy balls or a tiny pecker or some shit like that?
     
  10. BrianH

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    I broke up with very pretty girl who was genuinely in love with me because she had an ugly vagina.
     
  11. JoeCanada

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    I don't know, I wouldn't say it's a complete non-issue, but it's definitely not like it matters. I think it's like any body part people get insecure about: they focus on it and assume that it makes or breaks them completely. I definitely think some vaginas look better than others, but the thought that it would be a deal breaker on any level is just silly. (Unless, as others have mentioned, there's a hygiene issue. Or teeth or something.)

    This is sort of like the penis size discussion. Women say "It's totally fine guys, stop stressing. Except this one guy I was with who had a hilarious little penis, that thing was the worst!" Suddenly every guy that isn't super hung wonders if his penis is hilarious and little, and where that line is. I don't know, people are just insecure, that's how it is.
     
  12. T0m88

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    Okay, fine, but hey, look. If people are fucked up enough about their own self-image that they can't understand the difference between "not shaped like Michelangelo's wet dream" and "grotesquely deformed", it's not fair to hold me responsible for the damage that assertion might cause. And there's plenty of ladies I can think of in porn (certainly pre-vaginoplasty days) that had vaginas that looked like they'd been used as dog toys, which is understandable given their profession.
     
  13. sisterkathlouise

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    I wasn't trying to hold you responsible for the vaginal insecurity of all women ever, or say that type of reaction reaction was reasonable. All I was saying is that people, young women in particular, can be extremely self conscious, and that it is a reaction that some women will have to comments of that nature.
     
  14. The Village Idiot

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    Count me in the 'as long as it doesn't look like a clown car that was an extra in the Fast and Furious I'm ok with pretty much whatever' crowd.
     
  15. Veovis

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    Innie or outtie. Nice.

    My wife has just this little bit that will stick out now and then. IT's like her muff is sticking out it's tongue and giving me a raspberry daring me to try something......so I do.

    Anyways, I will say it's not much different than women looking at dicks where some go, "he had a beautiful cock" and someone else says "OMG it had this weird bend to it!" For the most part the majority of people are going to have a crotch that's pretty normal, then you have some cases of wow that's nice, and HOLY SWEET MOTHER OF GOD KILL IT WITH FIRE.

    Bt pretty much everyone out there will at one point wonder, "am I the one that should be killed with fire?" HUman insecurity is pretty consistent.

    IF this is a big concern can we have a poll for "How often do you stand over a mirror" for the TIBettes? Seriously does this actually happen, I make the joke and my wife laughs and says "why the fuck would I do that?"
     
  16. R_Flagg

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    To me pussy is like food in this regard, if it looks good and smells good I'll eat it til I'm blue in the face; figuratively speaking. It it looks bad and smells bad, I might stick my dick in it but I probably won't put my face down there; this applies in particular to heavy-set women.

    Pubic hair is the issue for me, I generally won't eat out a woman who doesn't at least trim up, I simply don't care to get hair in my teeth. The woman doesn't have to be totally shaven, I can appreciate a nice landing strip or a light coating of hair; depending on the woman as a whole it can be quite attractive on a number of levels. Yet it seems to me that if a woman has a massive bush, there is always a certain smell that I don't like. It could be indicative of a lack of hygiene or that the hair itself simply traps the natural odor somehow.

    As for the aesthetics of the vagina itself, the lips, the clitoris, what have you... That isn't a huge deal for me. I have a certain preference but I can't quite explain it, (and I'm not sure if it's kosher to post a picture in this thread). Once I get past the oral sex stage, if I don't skip it completely, I tend to focus more on the face/tits/ass than on the vagina itself.
     
  17. downndirty

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    I challenge you to show me a clean, well-maintained yet ugly vagina. Vaginas and tits are like scotch, drug dealers and musicians: I've never met one I didn't like.

    I think if your body has undergone drastic changes then you start to feel more self-conscious about it. For example, I was fat now I'm skinny, but I'm still hairy with a goofy gap in my teeth. I'm not cut, I'll probably never see my abs, so I guess I have that to obsess over as well. The difference is most guys don't really undergo dramatic changes: we get taller, bigger, and hairier, but unlike you gals we don't under go the drastic changes in body over time that are associated with puberty, pregnancy, going crazy and getting old. That can make you obsess over some strange shit.

    For me, I am like a parent with ugly kids when it comes to vaginas: they're all precious, beautiful snowflakes.
     
  18. Jimmy James

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    Now we all know what Black Jesus is doing.

    It seems to me that if you've gotten to the point of mutual nakedity, you've come too far to let something as idiotic as how someone's genitals look stop you. Unless, of course, there's a weird smell or discharge.
     
  19. PIMPTRESS

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    When I was younger, I was a bit self conscious about my labia and whether it was weird. Truth was, I wasn't really sure what it was "supposed" to look like, as if there was a Barbie ideal out there. Porn actually helped me recognize that there were all shapes and sizes. My gynecologist has yet to raise an eyebrow and ask to take a picture. I have become confident enough to go bald even.

    All thanks to porn. Okay, somewhat thanks to porn.
     
  20. Crown Royal

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    No man should complain about the thing that is the touchstone of 90% of their total motivation in life. As long as common-sense hygiene is present then nit pickers need not apply.