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Shittens

Discussion in 'General Discussion' started by shegirl, Mar 21, 2013.

  1. shegirl

    shegirl
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    Redemption Seeking Whore

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    I was listening to Stern the other day. The studio guest was Mark Cuban. Stern was doing a bit where the employees had to come up with an invention and pitch it to Cuban who would then say whether or not he would be interested in pursuing it further.

    [​IMG]

    One of them came up with Shittens. Similar to baby wipes, they'd be made from that material, they'd come in a plastic pop-up box, the only difference is they'd be mittens. You'd simply pop one up, put in on your hand and *wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipe* your ass. Viola! SHITTENS are born! No more dingleberries. I think they'd be a hit. Seriously.

    FOCUS: What would you pitch and why?
     
  2. effinshenanigans

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    The "Shittens Club"

    Essentially a re-branded Louisville Slugger, the Shittens Club will be used to beat anyone who wants to wipe their ass with a giant, moist glove.
     
  3. katokoch

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    #3 katokoch, Mar 21, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  4. Noland

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    Do the Shittens come with some sort of mechanism to peel the shit covered glove from your hand when you're finished?
     
  5. VanillaGorilla

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    Nah. You just sling it off.
     
  6. happyfunball

    happyfunball
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    overly defenCive stuffed cougar

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    You know those pillows that they always recommend you get for when you go to college? They call them husbands:
    [​IMG]

    My husband always used to say that he was going to patent folding legs on the back so that they wouldn't be able to lean back if you were using it on the floor. Don't you know, about a year or two later, we saw that advertised somewhere. Although I don't think it ever caught on, so I guess it really wasn't that great of an idea.
     
  7. Crown Royal

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    Sex toys for pets.

    *Swish*
     
  8. effinshenanigans

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    Well who could say no to that?

    Certainly not your pet.
     
  9. Noland

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    You can already get fake testicles for your dog after you have him fixed, why not a stuffed poodle with a fleshlight crammed inside for your rottweiler?
     
  10. shegirl

    shegirl
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    You guys are sick. That's what legs are for.
     
  11. Danger Boy

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    Forget the rottweiler, sign me up for one!
     
  12. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    Which? The poodle or the neuticals?
     
  13. StayFrosty

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    I'm going to get somewhat serious here. When I was about nine I had the idea for a snowsuit of sorts that zipped together to completely cover you. So zip gloves on at wrists and stuff like that, preventing wind and snow from getting in.

    Last night while half awake this idea came back in more detail, possibly due to having skimmed the OP yesterday. So you would have a coat, and gloves, and boots. The ends of the separate items would have short parts of layered fabric with magnetic particles embedded. Somewhat like hair, but short, thicker, larger pieces. The magnetic particles would adhere together creating basically a complete barrier. Then (and I swear I wasn't high, and know this isn't feasible), you would have a hat - the back half would be a ski mask, and the front half would be a hard plastic shield, like a fencing mask but clear plastic. There would be a plastic semicircle piece, like a hair holder thing, that would attach to the mask next to the ears. It would rest at the top of the head and be magnetic, inside the hat would be free magnetic particles like the ones in an etch a sketch or something that would be held at the top of the head by the magnet thing. The piece would be mobile, so you would pull it down (it would stay in contact with the plastic front half), dragging the particles with it and wiping away condensation from breath (I don't think that part actually works with science), and then it would when released slide back up to the crown of the hat.

    So basically, you could don your coat, speacial pants, boots, gloves and hat in the same time as usual but be able to do anything from clear off your car to sledding or snowboarding without that awful frozen ankle/wrist/asscrack syndrome that happens otherwise.

    And yes I'm pretty sure something has been successfully marketed that comes as close to this as is marketably successful, but that's my pitch.
     
  14. Pow

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    I've got a couple that I'd like to run on a made-for-tv advertisement.

    DO YOU HATE WEARING UNCOMFORTABLE AND HEAVY DRESS SHOES? Do you hate packing these heavy shoes just to go to a formal event or club? I'VE GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU! Dress overs are leather dress shoe covers that you can apply to your normal, comfortable, everyday shoes! Stop wearing uncomfortable dress shoes! Stop packing extra weight! Dress overs are light and undetectable from actual dress shoes, and are good for funerals, graduations, clubs, and job interviews!

    DO YOU HAVE A HARD TIME SLEEPING? Are you constantly trying to get your pillow in a comfortable solution? OF COURSE YOU DO, BECAUSE YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH 19th CENTURY TECHNOLOGY! Introducing the Foundation Pillow Combo, utilizing state of the art mattress technology to match your pillow. It is a dual layer pillow combination similar to how a box spring and mattress work. Your body and head need a good foundation, as well as soft plushness for comfort. With two layers, your head can finally have the support it has always wanted. Why wouldn't your head want the same comfort your body gets from a pillowtop mattress and box spring! SLEEP BETTER TODAY, FOUNDATION PILLOW COMBO!
     
  15. ghettoastronaut

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    The Shittens Club: essentially a Louisville Slugger covered in Shittens, used by people too obese to wipe their asses with their hands.
     
  16. $100T2

    $100T2
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    #16 $100T2, Mar 21, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2015
  17. downndirty

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    I'm not sure what it's called, but I'm pretty sure ancient Rome had you beat on this one.
     
  18. Misanthropic

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    A day late and dollar short, my friend.

    [​IMG]
     
  19. effinshenanigans

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    The fact that this exists makes me sad.
     
  20. Crown Royal

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    Just call me Topher

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    I WUSH MAHSELF WITH UH RAG ON A STICK.

    Do you know what a bidet is? I think the stick thing is less silly than straddling a floor-mounted drinking fountain like an orang-utan with osteoporosis.